Pages

Sunday, September 12, 2010

A month away from blogging.

I have taken a break from this blog because I thought it was getting a little out of control. I was being attacked from every side, I was accused of all sorts of terrible and untrue things, and it was hurting my relationship with Julian. As I'm sure everyone saw, he accused me of still being in love with someone else, and the reason that was the case was because people who commented on the blog put that idea in his head, or at least encouraged it. It took a lot of talking and a long weekend in London for me to calm him down. Yes, I actually did something and didn't blog about it or post it on VJ! Unbelievable!

So yes, we took some time to really look at our relationship and try to understand why we are doing what we're doing, getting married and settling in America. We really love each other and want to be with each other as partners, and we really don't care if people on VJ don't like us. We also won't stop posting on VJ just because people don't like us. All of the attacks have made us stronger and closer and even more in love than ever before. Just because you don't understand our relationship doesn't mean it isn't one that works for us.

And I saw Alex when I was there -- before you jump to any conclusions, Julian was with me and it was just dinner. I wanted to put all the old history behind me and really try to be his friend again. He has given me a lot of support over the past couple of months, after really despising me for a while. Many people have asked how he could go from being so hateful to so protective of me. I'll just say this. It's a cliche that love and hate are not opposites but are closer together than people think. Alex loved me once (or something like love) and although he still thinks us getting married isn't a great idea, he cares about his friends (yes, "friends", both J and me) and doesn't want to bring us pain. After Julian really talked to him about how important it was for Alex to stop hurting me both for my sake and for the sake of Julian and Alex's friendship, Alex pulled back. I think we're kind of at a stage now that I can live with.

I'm moving into the house soon. We closed on the house recently, but I have been kind of lazy getting the few things I have into the new place. It just feels so big and impersonal compared to my little apartment. Tibbs and I will feel kind of lost in there until Julian gets here. What else? Work is still going well, although Dana and I are absolutely NOT speaking to each other now. She complained to John, my boss, that I don't do anywhere near as much work as she does because I am constantly on the phone to Julian (my own phone, by the way, when I call him -- work does NOT pay for these calls). So John of course had to look into it, which was humiliating. John was pretty satisfied that I don't abuse my time here, but he asked me to make personal calls in an empty meeting room for the time being. Can you believe that? Dana of course thinks she's won. I hate that stupid bitch.


So that's about it for the meantime. I'm going to try to start blogging again a little since it really does help me get some of the stuff out that bothers me. I want to write about Jen and Jenn, who have been like the sisters I really wanted (not Rachel, who I'm STILL having problems with), but I really need to go to the Americana to go pick up this thing from Anthropologie for a friend's birthday party tonight. Maybe later.

55 comments:

  1. Welcome back. Good to know that you and Julian are doing well. Any news on an interview date yet?.... My fiancee and i have just started our visa journey, i so hope we get a quick approval.
    Keep up the posts, and hopefully all the people that left nasty comments in the past have moved on.

    All the best, to you both.

    Alan

    ReplyDelete
  2. From what you've written previously, you DON'T do a whole lot of work. Didn't you take like a week off and get drugged up because the real world is just so darn tough? And why do you need to ring Julian constantly while at work? Wait until you get home - I would imagine everyone you work with does the same. You get paid to work, not dick about ringing your fiancé.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Alan -- thank you. We haven't heard anything about the date yet, but Julian's MP is getting in touch with the State Department to see if anything can be moved along. I know the Packet 3 has been logged so it should be just a couple of days more! And thanks for your support. I really hope you and your fiancee have a low-stress process!

    And to Anonymous, I do a lot of work. A LOT of work. I have early morning webinars and teleconferences almost every day. I go to conferences and spend a lot of time in meetings. I am busy! And thanks for your concern about my health issues, and how nice of you to make fun of people with mental illness. Really nice. Sometimes I need to talk to Julian if I am having a panic attack, since it helps me focus on reality and center myself. Sometimes we talk about what he needs to do to get the interview date hurried along. It's never just "Oh Julian, I love you so much!" It's practical stuff. We have a policy in the office that personal calls are OK if they are brief and don't interfere with work (and not on the company's phone bill).

    ReplyDelete
  4. You don't have a mental illness. "Anxiety" or whatever bullshit term you use is not mental illness. It's called "Being Pathetic".

    ReplyDelete
  5. I didn't have to post your comment, but I did, so other people can see how cruel some of the commenters are. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It is a REAL condition (you can look it up in the DSM) and I REALLY suffer from it. Do a little research on it and you can see how debilitating it can be. I honestly hope none of your loved ones develop mental illness, since you have so little sympathy.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh, right, so it's one of those made-up conditions that exists solely to make money off unnecessary prescriptions. Everyone else calls it "Day To Day Stresses" and most people deal with it without getting drugged up. "Oh I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder! Pay attention to me! I feel faint! Hold me! Somebody fetch me my pills! I'm having a panic attack because I don't have an interview date yet! Abloobloo!" Shut up and get over it. You are not a special little snowflake.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You're not one either. You're an unsympathetic, hateful bitch who doesn't care about the pain other people go through. If you bothered to read up a little bit about GAD, you would see that this is a real condition with biological roots. Would you make fun of me if I had clinical depression right now? I have had it in the past and I probably will again. Yeah, making fun of a major depressive incident is really in good taste! You're classy, just like so many of those bitches in the UK forum. Some of them at least don't bother me here.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hey! I'm one of those UK bitches! But I have to say that making fun of mental illness isn't cool, no matter what you or I or anyone else thinks of Melissa as a person. Anxiety disorders ain't fun and ain't a joke.

    ReplyDelete
  9. You're one to talk about class, fucking your fiancé's best friend. I can understand depression if you'd had a leg blown off, or a parent die, or some other genuinely traumatic experience. But having "anxiety disorder" because you're an impatient, entitled bitch? Not so much.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My relationship with Alex was a long time ago and isn't relevant. Julian and I had only been going out for a short time at that point, and we got back together after that was all over.

    Also, I was diagnosed with having issues about anxiety a long time ago, a long time before I applied for the visa. I never got a diagnosis of having an anxiety disorder until recently. I have had more than a few depressive incidents over the years and had the occasional panic attack. I didn't talk to anyone about my anxiety because I was really embarrassed, and I wasn't sure what was wrong with me. I thought it was just day to day stuff too, but when you can't DO the day to day stuff because that's exactly what's stressing you out, when you cry non-stop, when you stop eating, when you're self-medicating with alcohol, it's not just what everyone else goes through. I have a REAL condition, diagnosed by a psychiatrist. I take medication which has helped a LOT (I am done with the Klonopin, just take the Zoloft, like more than a few people you probably know I take just an anti-depressant). I see my therapist every week and I am more confident than I was before. Three months ago I would not have flown out to go save my relationship with Julian. I would have rolled over and let it die again, and we probably would be filing for a K1 AGAIN in a year. I took control. It was the right thing to do.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hey Melissa, I've read your posts and your blogs and whilst you and I are poles apart in the way we think nobody ever deserves what anonymous has written above. They are just a mean spirited spiteful waste of space and you should simply ignore them - they obviously have nothing better to do with their lives than to try and get a bite out of you and honestly they're quite disgusting. Grow up and leave the poor girl alone. Oh and for a definition of pathetic look up a picture of you - not Melissa and Julian.

    Cheers
    C

    ReplyDelete
  12. No, I don't know anyone who takes anti-depressants. In the States, if you're in a bad mood, you just go to the doctor and he'll pill you up. Feeling a widdle sad? Pay a therapist a shitload! Talk about your feelings with someone who doesn't give a shit! Or, you could just man up and get over it like everyone else in the rest of the world. If you need a therapist just to get through the day, that's just pathetic.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thank you, C. I'm not asking people to agree with everything I say and do. Life doesn't work like that. I try to live my life in a way that doesn't harm other people.

    Anonymous, I don't know if you know how bad you are making yourself look. I have a condition and I am taking care of it. If you don't know anyone who takes anti-depressants, it's probably because they are embarrassed to tell anyone they are. There is a stigma attached to mental illness that shouldn't exist. You might be surprised if you knew the truth.

    You sound really angry. Maybe you would benefit from a brief course of anger management therapy.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Just because I don't know anyone who takes anti-depressants doesn't mean they are keeping it secret. I'm in the UK, where people don't just get dosed up over nothing. Oh, wait, I do know one person who takes them, but that's only because he lied to the doctor about being depressed so he could get a subscription and get moved up the list for free council housing. Everyone else I know copes just fine with their problems.

    Do you work for a therapist or something? Being angry occasionally does not mean you need anger management. Being sad sometimes does not mean you need to "resolve your issues" with a therapist. You keep thinking like that and taking all the drugs and soon you won't feel anything. But perhaps that's what Julian wants? Quiet, sedated, compliant Melissa.

    ReplyDelete
  15. "I can understand depression if you'd had a leg blown off, or a parent die, or some other genuinely traumatic experience."

    Hey Anonymous, you fucktard, do you have any fucking clue about the causes of depression? You do not have to have an identifiable catalyst for a major depressive episode. I'm sure you'd have me down as a fucking drama queen too since I'm a nice middle class girl. But that shit hurts like a motherfucker and it is debilitating.

    I have more class than to wish this shit on you or your loved ones. I don't care for a lot of what Melissa says but you're belittling people with actual illnesses. Hey! Why don't we all make fun of Parkinson's? Or asthma?

    ReplyDelete
  16. It's PREscription, not SUBscription. And it's not that hard to get a prescription in the UK. I have friends over there who are on Prozac. Just because you don't think you know anyone except your council-house friend on anti-depressants doesn't mean you actually don't know any others. Mental illness is kept hidden out of shame. I wouldn't expect you would know who has taken it and who hasn't.

    And why would Julian like me compliant and sedated? If anything, he is MORE happy with me now that I am in better control of how I feel and much more confident. I know everyone thinks this is some dominant/submissive relationship but it isn't.

    ReplyDelete
  17. You seem to have it in your head that needing therapy and anti-depressants for every little problem is normal. It isn't.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I never said that. Ever. I have an anxiety disorder. I'm taking care of it. That's what grown up people do. They don't make fun of people with mental illnesses.

    Read about my condition in an article from the Mayo Clinic: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/generalized-anxiety-disorder/DS00502 It is REAL and it can make your life hell.

    Thank you to the people who have given me some support. I appreciate it.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Melissa, I'm a VJer myself so I've seen you around the message boards from time to time and I've read your blog as well. I've never gotten involved before because I don't generally do that sort of thing but this post and some of the following comments struck a chord with me. I, too, went through an extremely difficult period in my life where I was diagnosed with different anxiety disorders and was regularly seeing a therapist as well as a psychiatrist. I was prescribed Klonopin for the anxiety attacks. I know what its like, and its not fun.

    That was awhile ago and I'm better now. I don't take any drugs anymore because I don't need them. One day you might feel well enough for that too, maybe not though, who knows?
    I'm going to pass along some advice that my therapist gave to me. It was part of the reason I finally got out of my black hole.

    Take control of your life. Cut out any and all negativity that you can. Obviously we can't always just avoid everything we don't like, but you are the only one who gets to decide who and what gets access to your life.

    This comes from a place of kindness of course, I know, to an extent, what you're going through. I don't want to tell you how to live your life but take this into consideration. Having a public blog, with anonymous comments where people can attack you and those that you love is not going to help you stay calm and stress free. You said it yourself at the beginning of this post "I was being attacked from every side, I was accused of all sorts of terrible and untrue things, and it was hurting my relationship with Julian." This applies to VJ as well. You can't give people the opportunity to bring you down like that, or there is going to come a time where they bring you so far down that you can't pick yourself up again. It isn't healthy and I can't stand to watch it.

    Every time you respond to Anonymous here and some of the other members on VJ, you're empowering and encouraging them to take control of your life and your feelings. I had to drop a lot of negative influences in my life (and start going to the gym A LOT) but today I feel like a completely different person than I did a year ago.

    Ok, I think I've preached enough. I know you probably won't take my advice, old habits die extremely hard. But I hope you'll at least consider it. I can only imagine how good you must have felt for the month that you weren't posting. If you can get away from it for a month, then I'm fully confident that eventually you'll be able to cut out this negativity permanently. I think I'm not alone in saying that I want you to succeed and be well. Others (doctors, friends, Julian) can only help you succeed if you're willing to help yourself.

    So just give it a ponder.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Melissa, I totally understand where you're coming from. I too suffer from a debilitating mental illness - BAD (Bullshit Anxiety Disorder). Sometimes I can barely drag myself away from all the jewelry my fiancé has bought me and go to the Porsche to meet up with all my wonderful friends for dinner in the most expensive restaurants! I never have to worry about making rent on time or having no health insurance like most Americans, life just sucks, I can barely stand it. The only way I can make it through the day is with a handful of diazepam and a special lamp. Hang in there, one day it will get better.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Melissa, I don't always agree with everything you say. But, I must say - these comments are just downright hateful. Don't listen to what anyone says; anxiety can be debilitating and awful to deal with, and it's not just something that goes away. You are doing the right thing by talking to someone and trying the anti-depressant.
    Yeah, it might be true that America is over-medicated, but there are still people that genuinely need medication to get by in day to day life. People that don't understand mental illness, or refuse to believe it's a genuine illess, are just ignorant and are not educated enough to understand the complexities of mental health.
    I hope your treatment works, and that someday you are able to come off the medication and be pill-free. Until then, do what you need to do, and don't let anyone tell you that you're less than worthy because you have an anxiety disorder.
    Good luck to your on your visa journey, and I hope everything works out for you & Julian.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Thank you again to the posters who have said positive and supportive things to me tonight. I hope one day soon I won't need the anti-depressants. I have done this before and I can do it again. Therapy HELPS. If you know anyone who needs help with depression, please encourage them (gently!) to see therapy. I had been seeing the same shrink for years and never got anywhere; now I have a new shrink and a great therapist I adore. We are making great progress and she is very proud of me. I am very proud of me too! I have come a really long way.

    I'm publishing the negative comments because I want people to see how unfeeling some people can be to those with mental illness. I'm not going to reply, because I think the words speak for themselves.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I hope you get your interview date soon! =D

    ReplyDelete
  24. I hope the Embassy tells Julian to go fuck himself for getting his MP involved and trying to tell them what to do.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Thank you Sachinky -- I really hope we hear something today or tomorrow!

    I am posting the anonymous comment above so people can see how ridiculous some of the hate notes I get are. I'm just letting them speak for themselves.

    ReplyDelete
  26. You're posting the anonymous responses because you love the attention and so you can build up an excuse to have a "panic attack", therefore more attention.

    ReplyDelete
  27. No, I'm posting these so everyone can see how insensitive people can be to strangers. What have I ever done to you? How have I hurt you? Exactly. I don't know you and I don't care to know you.

    ReplyDelete
  28. You do know me, Melissa, and you have hurt me, many times.

    ReplyDelete
  29. How exactly do I know you? The only posters on here I know are Julian and Alex. You're full of it. Get off your high horse and stop lying.

    ReplyDelete
  30. You don't think Alex or Julian would have showed this blog to anyone else? You're as much of a bitch now as you always were.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Why do you ask? Having trouble remembering all the people you've treated like shit?

    ReplyDelete
  32. I do NOT treat people like shit. If anything, people take advantage of ME. I have a good idea who this might be (blah blah, I don't know anyone in the UK who takes antidepressants, blah blah, Julian wants you to be compliant) and if it's you I know what your agenda is. Forget it.

    ReplyDelete
  33. That was another poster. So I guess it makes two of us that have known the real Melissa.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Look, if it's you, that was so long ago. Why are you still thinking about it? Alex apologized to you and you got him back, just like you wanted. I'm GLAD I haven't had to have anything to do with you since then. YOU'RE just as much of a bitch as you were then.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I don't know who you're talking about.

    ReplyDelete
  36. If this isn't Miranda, who is this? I'm starting to think this is all made up.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Who would care enough to make something like this up? Miranda isn't the only person who doesn't think as highly of you as you do of yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Just go fuck yourself. I don't care what you think of me, and I really doubt you know me anyway. I can't think of anyone Alex or Julian would show this to.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Go fuck yourself? That's very aggressive. I think you should seek anger management.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Hey anonymous, piss off. Neither I nor Alex have shared this blog with anyone else. Your attempt at a mindfuck is pathetic.

    ReplyDelete
  41. I thought not, J. Some people are crazy.

    And Anonymous, I don't need anger management. I don't go on other people's blogs and leave angry-sounding comments, like the person who was SO offended I was taking anti-depressants.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Have you told your therapist about your blog and about the fact that you allow anonymous idiots to berate you and your life decisions constantly? If you have, and (s)he hasn't strongly advised you against this whole public charade then (s)he does NOT have your best interests at heart and I would strongly advise you to seek out someone else who does.

    However, if you have told your therapist and (s)he DID perhaps suggest that you stop letting anonymous people spew hate at you all the time and you simply ignored such a gem of advice, then dear god you're a fool and no one can help you.

    ReplyDelete
  43. How short does a long weekend in London become when you factor in travel time?

    ReplyDelete
  44. Could you get Julian to stop posting on VJ? He really is the most obnoxious cunt.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Just reading your comments in the UK interview thread. It is so glaringly obvious that Julian does not give a shit about you. Probably the most important day in the visa process and he refused to stay sober for one night? Turning up hungover and asking to reschedule? He couldn't sacrifice one night of drinking for you. Remember that when you're pushing his baby out in agony; how he wouldn't give up one single night for something as important as this.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I should have expected this. I post my actually happy news and someone needs to comment. I hadn't published the earlier comments because I made a conscious effort to stay away from my blog for a while. But the last one made me SO angry I have to say something.

    Julian loves me and is moving 6,000 miles to be with me. Do I wish he wasn't hungover when he went to the interview? Sure! But he did the interview anyway -- he did not really want to reschedule, I think it was a joke. So stop being such a bitch and at least let me enjoy this. Get a life.

    ReplyDelete
  47. You asked him to stay away from the drink for one night and he couldn't do it? Even though he had a potentially life-altering interview the next day? I'd say he has a MAJOR drinking problem. But keep burying your head in the sand, that always seems to work.

    ReplyDelete
  48. It was a work commitment. He went because he had to. I am aware of all of Julian's problems and drinking is not one of them.

    ReplyDelete
  49. If he HAD to go, fine. But he certainly didn't HAVE to drink.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Whatever. You really aren't hurting me at all. Grow up, move on.

    ReplyDelete
  51. We miss you, come back to blogging.

    ReplyDelete
  52. You can attend a work commitment and still not drink, you know. Was that not an option?

    ReplyDelete
  53. Thanks. I am considering writing again now that the process is over. I can focus on all the fun stuff, like the wedding and getting Julian back home!

    And yes, I know he could have passed on drinking. But he didn't and he STILL passed the interview. So what harm was there in him having a few drinks? He is hardly an alcoholic.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Hooray! Now that the visa is all wrapped up, I hope we'll get to read some wedding posts and finally see some pics!

    ReplyDelete