I know I haven't been very good with writing recently, but as you probably can guess I have been really busy with the house, and Jocasta, and of course Julian. He was on the 9:20pm flight tonight out of LAX, and I can't say how unbelievably sad I am now. Having him here, even with Jocasta for a big chunk of time, was heaven. And the next time he comes, it will be for good -- I don't forget that.
So, I meant to say a little about what happened when Jocasta had dinner with my parents. GOD. What a disaster! I knew it was going to be difficult. My parents are fairly liberal, and Jocasta is... much more conservative. It all started off when I said to Julian that it would be nice if we had dinner at my parents' house, but then he said he didn't want to impose, especially since his mum has really exacting standards and he didn't want to cause any friction because of this. He said we would be better off going to a restaurant, and a French one if possible. She had wanted to go to the hotel restaurant (which has a Michelin star) but it was closed on Mondays, and that would have been the natural place to go. The only place I could think of was Bistro 45, and THAT was closed too! I didn't know what to do. So I said we could go to Tre Venezie, which I think has a star, maybe. He said it would have to do at this short notice.
Well, Julian and I arrived first for dinner (15 minutes early, as he always is) and my parents were on time. Jocasta was 20 minutes late, which was really embarrassing, but she's his mother and I shouldn't feel too upset about it, I guess. He always forgives her. Jocasta was at least a little friendly to my parents, which I was grateful for. Julian chose a GORGEOUS wine for us (can't remember what) and I tried to help break the ice by saying how grateful I was to have Jocasta here to help choose a house. My mother said, "Well, Melissa, by the sound of it, YOU had a lot more to do with the choice than you give yourself credit for." Jocasta said that she wasn't sure that it was the house she would have chosen (and that the built-in cabinets were "rather common") but it was Julian's decision. My mother said under her breath, "And my daughter's, too."
It really kicked off though during the appetizers. Jocasta had encouraged me to have one, even though I said I shouldn't, because she said the food looked so lovely I shouldn't deny myself one. My mother seemed pleased, since she thinks I'm too thin anyway, but when the appetizers arrived (Jocasta of course didn't have one), she turned to me and said, "Well, you haven't had your first fitting for your dress yet, anyway. I'm sure it's easier at the first fitting to let a dress out." My mother asked her if she was calling me fat. Jocasta said of course not, I was just a healthy American farm girl. "What's the phrase -- corn fed?" My father snickered but my mother just glared and said nothing.
Main courses arrived, and by this point my father and Julian (who actually get along pretty well) were well into the third bottle of wine for the table (I don't blame them). My father asked Jocasta what she thought about the Tories coming back into power. She looked very smug and said, "The people have spoken, and it's clear they support the party with real ideas." My dad shook his wine glass at her and said, "What, steal from the poor and give to the rich? That's the oldest idea in the book." Jocasta said that was ridiculous, and what did my father want, wealth redistribution? And he said, sure, why not? Why not redistribute some of your money? And Jocasta said, "It seems that with your daughter marrying my son you have a perfect incidence of wealth redistribution to the common people." I thought my mother was going to slap her, and my father went beet red and then laughed hysterically. It was so embarrassing. We skipped dessert and we all went home after the main course.
Ummm, what else? Oh, yeah, Jocasta leaving. So we went with her to the airport, even though we didn't have to, because Julian wanted to see her off and he wanted me to as well. So we get to LAX, and she's all ready to go through security. Julian's given her many hugs and kisses, even though they're sure to see each other in Suffolk really soon, and she starts walking away and says to me, "Oh, good-bye, Amanda. Lovely to see you." Amanda. That's Julian's ex's name. She knows what my name is; she has called me Amanda on more than one other occasion just to drive me crazy, I know it. I've mentioned it before to Julian, and he just laughs and says I'm imagining things. But I know I'm not.
AND we got the RFE done. It wasn't very hard -- we just photocopied pages from our passports to prove we were in each other's countries during the past two years, plus Julian brought proof that he had opened a joint account at Child & Co for us while I was living there in 2008. So off it went (express delivery) and I'm sure it will be enough. I think we should be getting our NOA2 soon!
So... the house! I don't have much to do with the sale at this point -- the lawyers really are taking care of everything. Julian gave me power of attorney for the sale and also over a few other affairs, and added me to one of his US accounts and one in the Caymans, so I can handle anything that needs doing. Hopefully everything will be worked out in the next month, and I can give notice and move! It will be weird living in a big house by myself (well, me and Tibbs) but Julian will be with me soon. It was just so AMAZING to have him with me, and to have the weekend to ourselves. It was SO HOT, and Julian said he couldn't stand not having "proper air con" so on Friday we moved over to the Langham too. Soooooo nice. We barely left the room, except for me to go take care of Tibbs, and to go to the spa. It was the perfect end to this visit.
Happy. Very happy.
Showing posts with label Dad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dad. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Lots to catch up on
I'm just going to start off with a very brief statement: if you do not like what I write about or how I write it, no one is forcing you to read this blog. I never intended for you to read it anyway and if you leave I won't miss you. I won't even stoop to address some of the things you wrote about me, and Julian and my mother-in-law to be. That is all I will say about this. I had a therapy session this evening and we talked about this, and Joanna said that if I choose to keep blogging, I need to not let other people's lies to get to me.
So... a lot has happened since I last posted. I want to kind of do this in chronological order, even though obviously the big news is about the house. But if I write it as it happened, then it's easier for me to make sure I don't miss anything. So Monday, we met up with Jocasta at her suite at the Langham. I was really pretty nervous about going, not only because the last time I saw her was during a visit to London in March of 2009, when it still looked like Julian and I were getting married (I mean we still are, but the first time we were engaged). She's always been very cold with me, as I've mentioned before, but Julian says I'm just too sensitive and assume that what are jokes are actually insults. We were at dinner one night, at the family pied a terre, and when I ate my bread with butter, she said something like, "Melissa, how brave of you to eat butter like that, as if it were cheese. Of course you know your metabolism will change when you're 24, so best to break that habit now." I was only 2 months away from my 24th birthday and she knew it!
Anyway, we met up at the Langham, which I had heard about but never been to. My friends always stay on my couch if they're visiting from out of town, or at a Motel 6, or at my parents'. It is absolutely gorgeous -- here it is: http://pasadena.langhamhotels.com/ We had to get there pretty early because we were due to see all the houses in one day, since Jocasta said she needed to leave California by Thursday afternoon (which she has). Jocasta is... pretty much everything my mom isn't. My mom looks like a mom, like you can hug her and tell her your problems, and she'll listen to you. Jocasta is very thin and when I hug her it isn't very comfortable, unlike being in my mom's hug. I always feel like I might break her. But I hardly ever have to hug her anyway; she's much happier with a kiss on the cheek. She and Julian checked through the details of the houses while I poked around the grounds a little since it was a relatively cool morning. Julian called me on my cell and told me to come back, since the realtor was here now, and she was due to show us the houses.
It had been so long since I'd seen them, I'd almost forgotten what they were like. The first one we went to was the four bed I loved the best, with the Aga appliances, and all the original wood. Jocasta inspected every room, while Julian spoke to the realtor about the schools in this area, and crime rates, and things I hadn't even considered to ask. I was just focused on how the place felt. We all went to look at the kind of overgrown backyard, and Jocasta said what a charmingly rustic feel it all had, exactly the sort of project that would keep me busy. It was just the way she said it, maybe, but something about it made me feel trapped, like all I was good for was gardening and wasting time while Julian got to go out and be in the world. Also, I can't garden; we always had gardeners, like everyone else around here. I asked her about the inside, what did she think of the rooms, and weren't they gorgeous? She looked at me and said, "They're rather small. I suppose if they were all children's rooms, that would be one thing. But I know that it will be at least 5 years before you fill all three extra rooms, and you will need room for entertaining." 5 years? To have three children? I can't even think about that. We left after Jocasta grilled the realtor some more about the neighbors, and what sort of people they were like.
Next up was the five bed I also liked. Again, Jocasta spent a lot of time trying door handles and looking in closets and making comments about American wiring. Julian really liked that the studies were already set up, and he loved the master suite. He walked around with me this time, holding my hand and talking about it as if it were already our home, where he would put things, where we sleep, and eat, and live together. He was spinning a whole story for me and I just knew this was the one. I looked him straight in the eye and told him this is where I wanted to be. I didn't even want to look at the third. And if he trusted me and knew me, what I was about, he could see this is where he wanted to be too. I don't think I've ever seen him look at me the way he did then -- it was as if he finally felt connected to me as a wife, as a partner, and not just Melissa. Something about me had broken through him, through his often hard shell. It has happened many times before, that I get beyond the surface, but this time... there was something different. I guess he realized that this was it, the start of a new life, and having a happy wife was something he needed to have.
He called Jocasta and the realtor in and told them that this was it. He wasn't going to see the third. This was the house that made me happy, and my happiness was what was most important to him. Oh, and that he loved it too, that the studies were ideal, and the neighborhood (which is basically the same as the other one, just a little closer to Old Town) was acceptable. I kept my eye on Jocasta, who didn't look happy. At all. Her mouth was very, very tight. She asked the realtor if she would please excuse her and Julian, but they needed to have a private word. Jocasta stalked out of the kitchen, and Julian followed her to I guess one of the studies. I heard the door shut, not slammed, but shut firmly. I couldn't hear their voices but I knew this wasn't good. The realtor told me a bit more about schools, and how much more convenient it was for Old Town, and I told her I loved it and I wanted to be here. She said that she could see that Jocasta was hesitant, but that ultimately it was Julian and my house. I could have hugged her for that.
About ten minutes later, Julian and his mum walked into the kitchen. Julian was smiling, and Jocasta wasn't, which I figured was a good sign. He said that he wanted to make an offer on this house, and that he would need to speak with his lawyers here first, but that later today he would be in touch with a figure. I could hardly breathe! I hugged him, and he just looked down at me with the same look he had before. "Melissa, I am going to make you the happiest wife I can," he said to me. I know he means it. We ran around the house again, looking in the bathrooms and closets and everything. This was it! Our home at last. Jocasta was not happy, but it isn't her money anyway, it's his and will soon be ours.
Oh god, I am so tired and it's 2am and I haven't even gotten to Monday's dinner! I will really try to do all of this tomorrow -- I have the day off to go with Julian to sign some power of attorney thing at the lawyers that will let me act on his behalf while he's back in London. I don't really need the whole day off, but Julian is leaving on Monday and I want to spend a full day just with him. I had to go to work Tuesday, Wednesday and today, so I want to really maximize the time we have together. Luckily not too much happened on those days since they were mostly filled with me going to work, Julian taking care of things with his mother at the lawyers (more than just the house, they are trying to work out some tax structure that I couldn't understand), and then us seeing Jocasta for dinner and then coming back here to just be ourselves. So busy. But tonight we got to go out with Jen again, which was just as great as last time, and we went to 21 Choices. Even Julian likes 21 Choices!
Actually, huh, it looks like I just covered Tuesday through Thursday, so tomorrow I will write about our dinner, because it was not what I had hoped. Oh, and the RFE, which we sent off today! Hooray!
So... a lot has happened since I last posted. I want to kind of do this in chronological order, even though obviously the big news is about the house. But if I write it as it happened, then it's easier for me to make sure I don't miss anything. So Monday, we met up with Jocasta at her suite at the Langham. I was really pretty nervous about going, not only because the last time I saw her was during a visit to London in March of 2009, when it still looked like Julian and I were getting married (I mean we still are, but the first time we were engaged). She's always been very cold with me, as I've mentioned before, but Julian says I'm just too sensitive and assume that what are jokes are actually insults. We were at dinner one night, at the family pied a terre, and when I ate my bread with butter, she said something like, "Melissa, how brave of you to eat butter like that, as if it were cheese. Of course you know your metabolism will change when you're 24, so best to break that habit now." I was only 2 months away from my 24th birthday and she knew it!
Anyway, we met up at the Langham, which I had heard about but never been to. My friends always stay on my couch if they're visiting from out of town, or at a Motel 6, or at my parents'. It is absolutely gorgeous -- here it is: http://pasadena.langhamhotels.com/ We had to get there pretty early because we were due to see all the houses in one day, since Jocasta said she needed to leave California by Thursday afternoon (which she has). Jocasta is... pretty much everything my mom isn't. My mom looks like a mom, like you can hug her and tell her your problems, and she'll listen to you. Jocasta is very thin and when I hug her it isn't very comfortable, unlike being in my mom's hug. I always feel like I might break her. But I hardly ever have to hug her anyway; she's much happier with a kiss on the cheek. She and Julian checked through the details of the houses while I poked around the grounds a little since it was a relatively cool morning. Julian called me on my cell and told me to come back, since the realtor was here now, and she was due to show us the houses.
It had been so long since I'd seen them, I'd almost forgotten what they were like. The first one we went to was the four bed I loved the best, with the Aga appliances, and all the original wood. Jocasta inspected every room, while Julian spoke to the realtor about the schools in this area, and crime rates, and things I hadn't even considered to ask. I was just focused on how the place felt. We all went to look at the kind of overgrown backyard, and Jocasta said what a charmingly rustic feel it all had, exactly the sort of project that would keep me busy. It was just the way she said it, maybe, but something about it made me feel trapped, like all I was good for was gardening and wasting time while Julian got to go out and be in the world. Also, I can't garden; we always had gardeners, like everyone else around here. I asked her about the inside, what did she think of the rooms, and weren't they gorgeous? She looked at me and said, "They're rather small. I suppose if they were all children's rooms, that would be one thing. But I know that it will be at least 5 years before you fill all three extra rooms, and you will need room for entertaining." 5 years? To have three children? I can't even think about that. We left after Jocasta grilled the realtor some more about the neighbors, and what sort of people they were like.
Next up was the five bed I also liked. Again, Jocasta spent a lot of time trying door handles and looking in closets and making comments about American wiring. Julian really liked that the studies were already set up, and he loved the master suite. He walked around with me this time, holding my hand and talking about it as if it were already our home, where he would put things, where we sleep, and eat, and live together. He was spinning a whole story for me and I just knew this was the one. I looked him straight in the eye and told him this is where I wanted to be. I didn't even want to look at the third. And if he trusted me and knew me, what I was about, he could see this is where he wanted to be too. I don't think I've ever seen him look at me the way he did then -- it was as if he finally felt connected to me as a wife, as a partner, and not just Melissa. Something about me had broken through him, through his often hard shell. It has happened many times before, that I get beyond the surface, but this time... there was something different. I guess he realized that this was it, the start of a new life, and having a happy wife was something he needed to have.
He called Jocasta and the realtor in and told them that this was it. He wasn't going to see the third. This was the house that made me happy, and my happiness was what was most important to him. Oh, and that he loved it too, that the studies were ideal, and the neighborhood (which is basically the same as the other one, just a little closer to Old Town) was acceptable. I kept my eye on Jocasta, who didn't look happy. At all. Her mouth was very, very tight. She asked the realtor if she would please excuse her and Julian, but they needed to have a private word. Jocasta stalked out of the kitchen, and Julian followed her to I guess one of the studies. I heard the door shut, not slammed, but shut firmly. I couldn't hear their voices but I knew this wasn't good. The realtor told me a bit more about schools, and how much more convenient it was for Old Town, and I told her I loved it and I wanted to be here. She said that she could see that Jocasta was hesitant, but that ultimately it was Julian and my house. I could have hugged her for that.
About ten minutes later, Julian and his mum walked into the kitchen. Julian was smiling, and Jocasta wasn't, which I figured was a good sign. He said that he wanted to make an offer on this house, and that he would need to speak with his lawyers here first, but that later today he would be in touch with a figure. I could hardly breathe! I hugged him, and he just looked down at me with the same look he had before. "Melissa, I am going to make you the happiest wife I can," he said to me. I know he means it. We ran around the house again, looking in the bathrooms and closets and everything. This was it! Our home at last. Jocasta was not happy, but it isn't her money anyway, it's his and will soon be ours.
Oh god, I am so tired and it's 2am and I haven't even gotten to Monday's dinner! I will really try to do all of this tomorrow -- I have the day off to go with Julian to sign some power of attorney thing at the lawyers that will let me act on his behalf while he's back in London. I don't really need the whole day off, but Julian is leaving on Monday and I want to spend a full day just with him. I had to go to work Tuesday, Wednesday and today, so I want to really maximize the time we have together. Luckily not too much happened on those days since they were mostly filled with me going to work, Julian taking care of things with his mother at the lawyers (more than just the house, they are trying to work out some tax structure that I couldn't understand), and then us seeing Jocasta for dinner and then coming back here to just be ourselves. So busy. But tonight we got to go out with Jen again, which was just as great as last time, and we went to 21 Choices. Even Julian likes 21 Choices!
Actually, huh, it looks like I just covered Tuesday through Thursday, so tomorrow I will write about our dinner, because it was not what I had hoped. Oh, and the RFE, which we sent off today! Hooray!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Quick post -- real post tomorrow
I am so tired and I have so much to write about, but the past two days have been incredibly busy. Julian's already passed out in my bed but I just wanted to say that I think we have decided on a house! So excited. Julian's going to see his lawyers tomorrow in Downtown LA -- they'll be handling everything for us.
Dinner was...interesting. I will have to write more about that tomorrow too. I know Jocasta is really trying to be nice to me. I think we have a lot of cultural differences that make it hard for us to understand each other. I know she means well and I know she loves Julian and just wants him to be happy.
Eeek -- I think I woke Julian up with my typing because he just called out from the bedroom for me to get back into bed. Well, that's not exactly what he said...! Oops. Can I just say how glad I am to see him?
Till tomorrow, everyone.
Dinner was...interesting. I will have to write more about that tomorrow too. I know Jocasta is really trying to be nice to me. I think we have a lot of cultural differences that make it hard for us to understand each other. I know she means well and I know she loves Julian and just wants him to be happy.
Eeek -- I think I woke Julian up with my typing because he just called out from the bedroom for me to get back into bed. Well, that's not exactly what he said...! Oops. Can I just say how glad I am to see him?
Till tomorrow, everyone.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Not what I expected.
Julian is here now (he is asleep in the bedroom right now, so I am trying to be quiet typing). He came yesterday afternoon, and it was just about the most amazing thing to get to see him again, to be held by him again. When he came out of arrivals pushing his bags and looking a little lost and tired, I felt a rush through me, like the first time I realized I was attracted to him. He saw me and smiled, and waved a little, and I thought wow. This is really happening. And this is the last time he will come to America on the Visa Waiver Program. Next stop: K1! He just took me in his arms and held me tight, like he never wanted to let me go, and then took my face in his hands and smiled, then kissed me. He told me I was even more beautiful than he remembered, and how lucky he was to have me. I felt unbelievably light and happy. Like all of this is real.
He asked if we could get a porter for his bags, but I said no, I'd help push if he was tired. He said he had slept on the plane for about four hours, and that that was fairly easy in Business Class. He said First had been sold out when he booked the flight, but that Business was not too bad these days. We got to the Porsche and Julian checked it out a little (he did what he called a "proper" inspection of it today and said that although he was still disappointed I had not bought the Mercedes, that the Porsche was OK "for what it is"), then we loaded up the car and set off on the 110 for Pasadena. I had wanted the top down but Julian said that he didn't feel up to it just yet, and that on the freeway all the fumes might make him sick.
We got back around 5:30pm (I had had to wait for him to get through immigration; the good news was that they didn't even ask him to prove he had ties to the UK, he just had to wait in a really long line), and I ordered in some Chinese food since he loves the honey walnut shrimp from Go China. We just collapsed in a heap on the sofa while we waited, and he lay there with his head in my lap, snoozing a little while I just felt great. When the food came, I opened a bottle of wine (now I'm off the Klonopin I can) and we chatted a little about his flight and what we need to accomplish this week in terms of the house. When we couldn't manage any more food (I had way too much fried rice, I am not going to fit into my wedding dress if I keep eating like this), Julian asked if he could have a nap and I joined him. (lol)
We ended up getting out of bed again at around midnight, and we had a little more wine. We talked about Alex and how important it was for him that we get along again, and I said I was really trying, and Alex was too. I told him that Alex and I now talk about every other day for a few minutes, and that I'm slowly feeling like I can trust him again. J was very pleased to hear that. But I wasn't prepared for what Julian told me next at all. At all.
He kind of worked up to it this way. He said, "Melissa, there's something I need to tell you, and I probably should have told you before I got here. But I was so conscious of your delicate mental state that I felt I couldn't tell you, not when I couldn't be here." Uh oh, I thought. What is he going to tell me -- that he's secretly already married, that he wants me to move to England, what? And then he hit me with it.
"Melissa, I thought it would be useful for both of us to have additional help in our househunting, from someone who has done it more than once before." (OK, I thought, that leaves Alex out of it.) "I felt the best thing to do was to invite my mother to come and help us. She wants to help us get started on the right foot, and I think having her assistance will be extremely valuable."
Oh god. Jocasta. Jocasta? What do you mean, I asked him, your mother is coming? I don't have any space to put her up. I can't believe you didn't tell me! What am I supposed to do? I can't have her here to my apartment. She doesn't even LIKE me, and I told Julian that, but he told me I was just being silly, that his mother loved me like another daughter (not a compliment -- you should see the love she doesn't give to Julian's sister Annabelle) and that I would benefit from her help. And that she was arriving on Sunday night around 7pm, and going straight to the Langham so I wouldn't see her until Monday. Yes, tomorrow morning. I know he is doing this because he really thinks it will help, so I will try to get along with Jocasta for his sake. I don't have to like it.
I went back to sleep after this, and he stayed up and talked to his friend Jamie for a while. He eventually crawled back into bed around 5am. It was just so nice to be held again, and to wake up next to the man I love so much. I got up and tidied up a little, then called my parents to tell them Julian was safe and sound, and that we would be coming over for dinner that night as planned. I also told them about Jocasta and my mom was LIVID! She said, "How could Julian not tell you something as big as that beforehand?" I said it was because he was worried that I would react badly and he wouldn't be there to take care of me. She said she could understand that, but that I wasn't a little girl, and that he needed to treat me like a woman for a change. My dad was upset, but actually said he was looking forward to meeting "the famous Jocasta." I have a bad feeling about that. Their political beliefs are on opposite sides of the spectrum. I am going to have to ask him to behave.
Jen came over around noon (J was in the shower by that point) and the three of us went out to lunch (we had to take Jen's Prius) at Matsuri. Jen and Julian really get along, and we were all so relaxed I almost forgot all about Jocasta. I was just so happy to see Julian being himself, his real self, and seeing how people really can like him. After lunch J and I went back to the apartment and he took me for a ride on the 210 in the Porsche. It was a lot of fun, and we did get to have the top down. I felt just like I imagined it would be, with us just being HAPPY for a change. He complained a little about the sluggish automatic transmission, but he said he knew I couldn't drive stick.
We went to my parents' house for dinner at 7pm. Julian was on his best behavior and so were my parents. My mom really did look happy when she saw him, and he told her she was just as lovely as ever, and they even had a little hug. He shook my dad's hand, and told him how happy he was to be here with his daughter, and how proud he was to be making me his wife. We had a perfectly pleasant light dinner of sea bass and fennel, with apple pie for dessert (my favorite). My dad told some terrible jokes and my mom told us some really quite disgusting stories from work about people with broken limbs and blood everywhere. (Thanks, mom.)
We got back around midnight, after Julian and my dad had some whiskey in the living room. My mom and I talked about Jocasta while I helped clean up. She asked me how I really felt about it, and I said: scared. She told me that she didn't raise any chickens, just two beautiful daughters, and that if I was unhappy with anything Jocasta said to me, I should just say so. Ha! She doesn't know Jocasta, but I guess she will soon.
So tired, and I need to be up to meet Jocasta with Julian at 10am at the Langham, then on to view the properties. Big day, I'll need all the luck I can get.
He asked if we could get a porter for his bags, but I said no, I'd help push if he was tired. He said he had slept on the plane for about four hours, and that that was fairly easy in Business Class. He said First had been sold out when he booked the flight, but that Business was not too bad these days. We got to the Porsche and Julian checked it out a little (he did what he called a "proper" inspection of it today and said that although he was still disappointed I had not bought the Mercedes, that the Porsche was OK "for what it is"), then we loaded up the car and set off on the 110 for Pasadena. I had wanted the top down but Julian said that he didn't feel up to it just yet, and that on the freeway all the fumes might make him sick.
We got back around 5:30pm (I had had to wait for him to get through immigration; the good news was that they didn't even ask him to prove he had ties to the UK, he just had to wait in a really long line), and I ordered in some Chinese food since he loves the honey walnut shrimp from Go China. We just collapsed in a heap on the sofa while we waited, and he lay there with his head in my lap, snoozing a little while I just felt great. When the food came, I opened a bottle of wine (now I'm off the Klonopin I can) and we chatted a little about his flight and what we need to accomplish this week in terms of the house. When we couldn't manage any more food (I had way too much fried rice, I am not going to fit into my wedding dress if I keep eating like this), Julian asked if he could have a nap and I joined him. (lol)
We ended up getting out of bed again at around midnight, and we had a little more wine. We talked about Alex and how important it was for him that we get along again, and I said I was really trying, and Alex was too. I told him that Alex and I now talk about every other day for a few minutes, and that I'm slowly feeling like I can trust him again. J was very pleased to hear that. But I wasn't prepared for what Julian told me next at all. At all.
He kind of worked up to it this way. He said, "Melissa, there's something I need to tell you, and I probably should have told you before I got here. But I was so conscious of your delicate mental state that I felt I couldn't tell you, not when I couldn't be here." Uh oh, I thought. What is he going to tell me -- that he's secretly already married, that he wants me to move to England, what? And then he hit me with it.
"Melissa, I thought it would be useful for both of us to have additional help in our househunting, from someone who has done it more than once before." (OK, I thought, that leaves Alex out of it.) "I felt the best thing to do was to invite my mother to come and help us. She wants to help us get started on the right foot, and I think having her assistance will be extremely valuable."
Oh god. Jocasta. Jocasta? What do you mean, I asked him, your mother is coming? I don't have any space to put her up. I can't believe you didn't tell me! What am I supposed to do? I can't have her here to my apartment. She doesn't even LIKE me, and I told Julian that, but he told me I was just being silly, that his mother loved me like another daughter (not a compliment -- you should see the love she doesn't give to Julian's sister Annabelle) and that I would benefit from her help. And that she was arriving on Sunday night around 7pm, and going straight to the Langham so I wouldn't see her until Monday. Yes, tomorrow morning. I know he is doing this because he really thinks it will help, so I will try to get along with Jocasta for his sake. I don't have to like it.
I went back to sleep after this, and he stayed up and talked to his friend Jamie for a while. He eventually crawled back into bed around 5am. It was just so nice to be held again, and to wake up next to the man I love so much. I got up and tidied up a little, then called my parents to tell them Julian was safe and sound, and that we would be coming over for dinner that night as planned. I also told them about Jocasta and my mom was LIVID! She said, "How could Julian not tell you something as big as that beforehand?" I said it was because he was worried that I would react badly and he wouldn't be there to take care of me. She said she could understand that, but that I wasn't a little girl, and that he needed to treat me like a woman for a change. My dad was upset, but actually said he was looking forward to meeting "the famous Jocasta." I have a bad feeling about that. Their political beliefs are on opposite sides of the spectrum. I am going to have to ask him to behave.
Jen came over around noon (J was in the shower by that point) and the three of us went out to lunch (we had to take Jen's Prius) at Matsuri. Jen and Julian really get along, and we were all so relaxed I almost forgot all about Jocasta. I was just so happy to see Julian being himself, his real self, and seeing how people really can like him. After lunch J and I went back to the apartment and he took me for a ride on the 210 in the Porsche. It was a lot of fun, and we did get to have the top down. I felt just like I imagined it would be, with us just being HAPPY for a change. He complained a little about the sluggish automatic transmission, but he said he knew I couldn't drive stick.
We went to my parents' house for dinner at 7pm. Julian was on his best behavior and so were my parents. My mom really did look happy when she saw him, and he told her she was just as lovely as ever, and they even had a little hug. He shook my dad's hand, and told him how happy he was to be here with his daughter, and how proud he was to be making me his wife. We had a perfectly pleasant light dinner of sea bass and fennel, with apple pie for dessert (my favorite). My dad told some terrible jokes and my mom told us some really quite disgusting stories from work about people with broken limbs and blood everywhere. (Thanks, mom.)
We got back around midnight, after Julian and my dad had some whiskey in the living room. My mom and I talked about Jocasta while I helped clean up. She asked me how I really felt about it, and I said: scared. She told me that she didn't raise any chickens, just two beautiful daughters, and that if I was unhappy with anything Jocasta said to me, I should just say so. Ha! She doesn't know Jocasta, but I guess she will soon.
So tired, and I need to be up to meet Jocasta with Julian at 10am at the Langham, then on to view the properties. Big day, I'll need all the luck I can get.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Family matters?
So tonight I finally gave in to my parents' invitation (read: order) to come home and have dinner with them and my sister Rachel. They're only about 10 or so miles away from where I live but amazingly I seem to see very little of them these days, since work takes up most of my days and dealing with the complicated stuff of getting Julian a visa to come to America seems to take up the rest. I hadn't really meant to not see them for a month ("Jesus, Melissa, a month!" is what my mom said to me over the weekend), but with my upcoming dress hunt this weekend I thought it would be better to see everyone before I ask my mom to give me her time on the weekend. She's a doctor, and sometimes it is really difficult for her to get time off, even on the weekends if she's doing rounds at the hospital.
I missed Mother's Day with her -- we were supposed to have brunch with Rachel, and then we were going gown shopping -- because of an emergency. But I grew up with this, so I am used to last-minute changes of plan. Dad keeps asking her to start slowing down, but she says, "Jesus, Sam, I'm only 55! I'm in the prime of my life!" And then she'll turn to me and say, "Melissa, if Julian EVER tells you to stop doing something, remember what I told you about self-defense: go straight for the balls." (Then she'll give my dad a wink -- it's their joke.) My mom is a little more... direct than me. I'm more like my dad, who is more laid-back and forgetful. Rachel, my older sister, is more like my mom, outgoing, bossy, loud and opinionated. This is great in mom, who raised two kids while she was still doing her residency and my dad was working his way up to being partner in a law firm. Because my mom doesn't take no for an answer, she just did (and does) whatever she wants to and makes the world bend to what she wants. In Rachel, well, imagine all that loudness but with nothing to steer it into.
Rachel is living at home right now, in her old lilac and cream bedroom with the four poster bed. Until six months ago, she had a job working in her friend Lila's lingerie store. I loved that, because Lila has the most beautiful little things, mostly French but a few Elle Macpherson lines too, which I love. I'm getting my bridal lingerie there tomorrow -- Lila's ordered a few pieces in for me, and we'll see what I like best. Anyway, Rachel decided after two years that working in a lingerie store was holding her back -- from what, I still don't know -- and she quit. Why Lila is still her friend, I have no idea, but she understood somehow and let Rachel go.
My sister soon found out she couldn't keep her lifestyle of partying up if she also had to pay rent, so she did two things: she moved home, and then she got a job tending bar three times a week at Lila's boyfriend's bar in Studio City. The summer after she graduated from college, she had done the bartending certification course and amazingly passed on the first attempt. I said to her after she started at Tim's bar, "Isn't it funny that after all that money mom and dad spent on your college education, all you needed was a bartending course?" (I thought she was going to punch me.) During the days, I think Rachel goes to the gym, Starbucks on Pass Ave near the Warner lot or down to the Barnes & Noble on San Fernando, because she said she has picked up some smart and hot guys there. At night, she's either out somewhere in West Hollywood with some idiot she's scamming into paying for her, or at Tim's bar, using her boobs to get her tips. It's gross all round, and why my parents put up with it I have no idea.
My mom calls Rachel a free spirit, and has told me that Rachel is working on a script, which is what she is apparently doing at the Starbucks, and why my dad bought her a new MacBook. I call bullshit. Rachel walks all over my parents, always has. We had the same rules and expectations, and while I always strove to meet them and even do better than was expected, Rachel would do a half-assed effort and then get angry and walk away from things, claiming that she was beyond all of this, it was too boring and she needed something more creative to do. (The most creative I have ever seen my sister get was the summer she got into nail art.) And my parents buy it every. single. time.
During the time I was split up from Julian, Rachel did try to cheer me up, I'll admit. She told me I was way better off without his "stuck-up ass" and that she was going to help me get over him by introducing me to new guys. This was a disaster, not only because I didn't WANT to see anyone except Julian, but going out with my sister leading the way is like trying to look shiny because you're flashing a square of tin foil when you've got the sun standing next to you. I'm not ugly, and I know that. Rachel looks like me with the volume turned all the way up. She's taller (5'7"), blonder (hers is bright blonde and fake; I'm a natural strawberry blonde), curvier and just way more sexy. Men just can't stop looking at her, and I totally understand it. When she met Julian, I thought I was going to have to manually close his jaw for him. "She looks like you, Melissa, but just... more..." Yeah, I thought. I know. I've had a lifetime of being number 2 to her in every way except school. So anyway, yeah, going out with her usually ended up with me getting stuck with the ugly and/or stupid wing man while she wrapped some hot guy around her finger. Boring. At some point I told her I appreciated the effort, but I just wanted to spend some time working on myself. She told me that one day I would realize what an awesome sister she was for all she had done for me, and that it was my choice if I wanted to die alone.
Ugh. So the idea of a meal with my whole family was NOT something I was looking forward to, but Mom had made tuna noodle casserole because she knows that's my favorite, and Dad said he missed me and would I please move home to protect him from these two crazy women? I laughed and said I would. Somehow someone somewhere took pity on me after what I have been through in the past few weeks and Rachel flaked on us at the last moment to go to a friend's friend's gig somewhere on Fairfax in WeHo. I gave an extra thanks to God when we said grace for being saved from my sister for the evening.
The dinner went great -- I told them all about my Dutch clients, and since they were seeing the Porsche for the first time, what it was like to drive something like that after my Sentra. (I also didn't tell them about my fight with Julian about choosing the Porsche. No need for them to worry.) They asked about Julian, and how the visa process was going, and if Dad needed to call someone to get things to hurry along. I told them all about VJ, and how I had found a lot of great info on it, and that I had been told it was way too early to get worried about anything. I even managed to eat quite a bit of casserole, even though I am trying to lose weight, because my mom was watching and she thinks I'm too thin. "I'm a size 6, Melissa, and I look great. Julian won't stop loving you because you're a 2 or a 4, and if he does, tell him you know where the knives are kept."
Dad asked if I'd see Sean recently. I guess I hesitated a moment too long, because he asked me if everything was all right with Sean. I said yes, Sean was great, and that he had a new girlfriend and seemed happy. "You're happy for him, I hope?" my dad asked. "Oh yeah, definitely. I just worry that sometimes my friendship with him could look like something else." My mom asked if Julian was giving me a hard time about Sean, and I said, well, only a little. That Julian was just being cautious given my past with Sean, and that it was totally understandable. I swore I heard my mom whisper "pompous little shit" under her breath but I said nothing. Mom and I made plans to meet at 11am on Saturday for shopping; Jenn will be there too. I can't wait! I have practically no limit on how much I can spend on the dress, but I hate wasting Julian's money so I don't really want to go above $2,000 if I can help it.
Apple pie for dessert, and headed home to Pasadena after. If I could only be sure Rachel wouldn't be there, I would do this every week!
I missed Mother's Day with her -- we were supposed to have brunch with Rachel, and then we were going gown shopping -- because of an emergency. But I grew up with this, so I am used to last-minute changes of plan. Dad keeps asking her to start slowing down, but she says, "Jesus, Sam, I'm only 55! I'm in the prime of my life!" And then she'll turn to me and say, "Melissa, if Julian EVER tells you to stop doing something, remember what I told you about self-defense: go straight for the balls." (Then she'll give my dad a wink -- it's their joke.) My mom is a little more... direct than me. I'm more like my dad, who is more laid-back and forgetful. Rachel, my older sister, is more like my mom, outgoing, bossy, loud and opinionated. This is great in mom, who raised two kids while she was still doing her residency and my dad was working his way up to being partner in a law firm. Because my mom doesn't take no for an answer, she just did (and does) whatever she wants to and makes the world bend to what she wants. In Rachel, well, imagine all that loudness but with nothing to steer it into.
Rachel is living at home right now, in her old lilac and cream bedroom with the four poster bed. Until six months ago, she had a job working in her friend Lila's lingerie store. I loved that, because Lila has the most beautiful little things, mostly French but a few Elle Macpherson lines too, which I love. I'm getting my bridal lingerie there tomorrow -- Lila's ordered a few pieces in for me, and we'll see what I like best. Anyway, Rachel decided after two years that working in a lingerie store was holding her back -- from what, I still don't know -- and she quit. Why Lila is still her friend, I have no idea, but she understood somehow and let Rachel go.
My sister soon found out she couldn't keep her lifestyle of partying up if she also had to pay rent, so she did two things: she moved home, and then she got a job tending bar three times a week at Lila's boyfriend's bar in Studio City. The summer after she graduated from college, she had done the bartending certification course and amazingly passed on the first attempt. I said to her after she started at Tim's bar, "Isn't it funny that after all that money mom and dad spent on your college education, all you needed was a bartending course?" (I thought she was going to punch me.) During the days, I think Rachel goes to the gym, Starbucks on Pass Ave near the Warner lot or down to the Barnes & Noble on San Fernando, because she said she has picked up some smart and hot guys there. At night, she's either out somewhere in West Hollywood with some idiot she's scamming into paying for her, or at Tim's bar, using her boobs to get her tips. It's gross all round, and why my parents put up with it I have no idea.
My mom calls Rachel a free spirit, and has told me that Rachel is working on a script, which is what she is apparently doing at the Starbucks, and why my dad bought her a new MacBook. I call bullshit. Rachel walks all over my parents, always has. We had the same rules and expectations, and while I always strove to meet them and even do better than was expected, Rachel would do a half-assed effort and then get angry and walk away from things, claiming that she was beyond all of this, it was too boring and she needed something more creative to do. (The most creative I have ever seen my sister get was the summer she got into nail art.) And my parents buy it every. single. time.
During the time I was split up from Julian, Rachel did try to cheer me up, I'll admit. She told me I was way better off without his "stuck-up ass" and that she was going to help me get over him by introducing me to new guys. This was a disaster, not only because I didn't WANT to see anyone except Julian, but going out with my sister leading the way is like trying to look shiny because you're flashing a square of tin foil when you've got the sun standing next to you. I'm not ugly, and I know that. Rachel looks like me with the volume turned all the way up. She's taller (5'7"), blonder (hers is bright blonde and fake; I'm a natural strawberry blonde), curvier and just way more sexy. Men just can't stop looking at her, and I totally understand it. When she met Julian, I thought I was going to have to manually close his jaw for him. "She looks like you, Melissa, but just... more..." Yeah, I thought. I know. I've had a lifetime of being number 2 to her in every way except school. So anyway, yeah, going out with her usually ended up with me getting stuck with the ugly and/or stupid wing man while she wrapped some hot guy around her finger. Boring. At some point I told her I appreciated the effort, but I just wanted to spend some time working on myself. She told me that one day I would realize what an awesome sister she was for all she had done for me, and that it was my choice if I wanted to die alone.
Ugh. So the idea of a meal with my whole family was NOT something I was looking forward to, but Mom had made tuna noodle casserole because she knows that's my favorite, and Dad said he missed me and would I please move home to protect him from these two crazy women? I laughed and said I would. Somehow someone somewhere took pity on me after what I have been through in the past few weeks and Rachel flaked on us at the last moment to go to a friend's friend's gig somewhere on Fairfax in WeHo. I gave an extra thanks to God when we said grace for being saved from my sister for the evening.
The dinner went great -- I told them all about my Dutch clients, and since they were seeing the Porsche for the first time, what it was like to drive something like that after my Sentra. (I also didn't tell them about my fight with Julian about choosing the Porsche. No need for them to worry.) They asked about Julian, and how the visa process was going, and if Dad needed to call someone to get things to hurry along. I told them all about VJ, and how I had found a lot of great info on it, and that I had been told it was way too early to get worried about anything. I even managed to eat quite a bit of casserole, even though I am trying to lose weight, because my mom was watching and she thinks I'm too thin. "I'm a size 6, Melissa, and I look great. Julian won't stop loving you because you're a 2 or a 4, and if he does, tell him you know where the knives are kept."
Dad asked if I'd see Sean recently. I guess I hesitated a moment too long, because he asked me if everything was all right with Sean. I said yes, Sean was great, and that he had a new girlfriend and seemed happy. "You're happy for him, I hope?" my dad asked. "Oh yeah, definitely. I just worry that sometimes my friendship with him could look like something else." My mom asked if Julian was giving me a hard time about Sean, and I said, well, only a little. That Julian was just being cautious given my past with Sean, and that it was totally understandable. I swore I heard my mom whisper "pompous little shit" under her breath but I said nothing. Mom and I made plans to meet at 11am on Saturday for shopping; Jenn will be there too. I can't wait! I have practically no limit on how much I can spend on the dress, but I hate wasting Julian's money so I don't really want to go above $2,000 if I can help it.
Apple pie for dessert, and headed home to Pasadena after. If I could only be sure Rachel wouldn't be there, I would do this every week!
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