Not what I expected.

Julian is here now (he is asleep in the bedroom right now, so I am trying to be quiet typing). He came yesterday afternoon, and it was just about the most amazing thing to get to see him again, to be held by him again. When he came out of arrivals pushing his bags and looking a little lost and tired, I felt a rush through me, like the first time I realized I was attracted to him. He saw me and smiled, and waved a little, and I thought wow. This is really happening. And this is the last time he will come to America on the Visa Waiver Program. Next stop: K1! He just took me in his arms and held me tight, like he never wanted to let me go, and then took my face in his hands and smiled, then kissed me. He told me I was even more beautiful than he remembered, and how lucky he was to have me. I felt unbelievably light and happy. Like all of this is real.

He asked if we could get a porter for his bags, but I said no, I'd help push if he was tired. He said he had slept on the plane for about four hours, and that that was fairly easy in Business Class. He said First had been sold out when he booked the flight, but that Business was not too bad these days. We got to the Porsche and Julian checked it out a little (he did what he called a "proper" inspection of it today and said that although he was still disappointed I had not bought the Mercedes, that the Porsche was OK "for what it is"), then we loaded up the car and set off on the 110 for Pasadena. I had wanted the top down but Julian said that he didn't feel up to it just yet, and that on the freeway all the fumes might make him sick.

We got back around 5:30pm (I had had to wait for him to get through immigration; the good news was that they didn't even ask him to prove he had ties to the UK, he just had to wait in a really long line), and I ordered in some Chinese food since he loves the honey walnut shrimp from Go China. We just collapsed in a heap on the sofa while we waited, and he lay there with his head in my lap, snoozing a little while I just felt great. When the food came, I opened a bottle of wine (now I'm off the Klonopin I can) and we chatted a little about his flight and what we need to accomplish this week in terms of the house. When we couldn't manage any more food (I had way too much fried rice, I am not going to fit into my wedding dress if I keep eating like this), Julian asked if he could have a nap and I joined him. (lol)

We ended up getting out of bed again at around midnight, and we had a little more wine. We talked about Alex and how important it was for him that we get along again, and I said I was really trying, and Alex was too. I told him that Alex and I now talk about every other day for a few minutes, and that I'm slowly feeling like I can trust him again. J was very pleased to hear that. But I wasn't prepared for what Julian told me next at all. At all.

He kind of worked up to it this way. He said, "Melissa, there's something I need to tell you, and I probably should have told you before I got here. But I was so conscious of your delicate mental state that I felt I couldn't tell you, not when I couldn't be here." Uh oh, I thought. What is he going to tell me -- that he's secretly already married, that he wants me to move to England, what? And then he hit me with it.

"Melissa, I thought it would be useful for both of us to have additional help in our househunting, from someone who has done it more than once before." (OK, I thought, that leaves Alex out of it.) "I felt the best thing to do was to invite my mother to come and help us. She wants to help us get started on the right foot, and I think having her assistance will be extremely valuable."

Oh god. Jocasta. Jocasta? What do you mean, I asked him, your mother is coming? I don't have any space to put her up. I can't believe you didn't tell me! What am I supposed to do? I can't have her here to my apartment. She doesn't even LIKE me, and I told Julian that, but he told me I was just being silly, that his mother loved me like another daughter (not a compliment -- you should see the love she doesn't give to Julian's sister Annabelle) and that I would benefit from her help. And that she was arriving on Sunday night around 7pm, and going straight to the Langham so I wouldn't see her until Monday. Yes, tomorrow morning. I know he is doing this because he really thinks it will help, so I will try to get along with Jocasta for his sake. I don't have to like it.

I went back to sleep after this, and he stayed up and talked to his friend Jamie for a while. He eventually crawled back into bed around 5am. It was just so nice to be held again, and to wake up next to the man I love so much. I got up and tidied up a little, then called my parents to tell them Julian was safe and sound, and that we would be coming over for dinner that night as planned. I also told them about Jocasta and my mom was LIVID! She said, "How could Julian not tell you something as big as that beforehand?" I said it was because he was worried that I would react badly and he wouldn't be there to take care of me. She said she could understand that, but that I wasn't a little girl, and that he needed to treat me like a woman for a change. My dad was upset, but actually said he was looking forward to meeting "the famous Jocasta." I have a bad feeling about that. Their political beliefs are on opposite sides of the spectrum. I am going to have to ask him to behave.

Jen came over around noon (J was in the shower by that point) and the three of us went out to lunch (we had to take Jen's Prius) at Matsuri. Jen and Julian really get along, and we were all so relaxed I almost forgot all about Jocasta. I was just so happy to see Julian being himself, his real self, and seeing how people really can like him. After lunch J and I went back to the apartment and he took me for a ride on the 210 in the Porsche. It was a lot of fun, and we did get to have the top down. I felt just like I imagined it would be, with us just being HAPPY for a change. He complained a little about the sluggish automatic transmission, but he said he knew I couldn't drive stick.

We went to my parents' house for dinner at 7pm. Julian was on his best behavior and so were my parents. My mom really did look happy when she saw him, and he told her she was just as lovely as ever, and they even had a little hug. He shook my dad's hand, and told him how happy he was to be here with his daughter, and how proud he was to be making me his wife. We had a perfectly pleasant light dinner of sea bass and fennel, with apple pie for dessert (my favorite). My dad told some terrible jokes and my mom told us some really quite disgusting stories from work about people with broken limbs and blood everywhere. (Thanks, mom.)

We got back around midnight, after Julian and my dad had some whiskey in the living room. My mom and I talked about Jocasta while I helped clean up. She asked me how I really felt about it, and I said: scared. She told me that she didn't raise any chickens, just two beautiful daughters, and that if I was unhappy with anything Jocasta said to me, I should just say so. Ha! She doesn't know Jocasta, but I guess she will soon.

So tired, and I need to be up to meet Jocasta with Julian at 10am at the Langham, then on to view the properties. Big day, I'll need all the luck I can get.

Today, tonight

Today was exhausting on VJ. I felt attacked on all sides, with only a few people there (like Maven) to back me up. People were even saying Julian was gay, which was the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I didn't want to get into my sex life, but I can say that without a shadow of a doubt that J is most certainly NOT gay, unless he really likes to have sex with girls. I've ever had a complaint about sex with him, and I will leave it at that!

Jen is over right now, and I'm doing a quick post while she is running out for more wine. Yes, Jen! Even if Jenn isn't speaking to me, Jen called me today to say she missed me and wanted to come over for some chat and wine and tacos. She brought them from La Estrella, which has to be my most favorite place in Pasadena for tacos, even if it is a little scary to wait for them there (the homeless guy who begs is nice enough, but it makes me nervous to be around him). We had fish tacos and now I am sooooo full. I wish Julian didn't hate Mexican food because I love it. Who can be sad when there is Mexican food?

So I told Jen a little about what had happened with the picture, and she was really shocked, and asked to see the picture. I told her I destroyed it (which isn't true) so I couldn't show her. Really, like I would show anyone! I think Maven wanted to see it too but she at least had the class not to ask.It is private. I have decided that I understand it was a joke and I am leaving it at that.

Maven called me and told me that I need to stand up to J more, which would be fine if I felt I had something to complain about! But I really don't. Julian is still his sweet self. He said he had a surprise for me -- I asked (with a laugh) if it was more jewelry but he said no, it was something MUCH better. I can't imagine what it could be! He said I will be really surprised, and that he will tell me a little more about it in the next couple of days. I can't wait.

That was Jen, I just let her in. Time for more wine and she wants to watch something on Netflix. So much better tonight than today, especially with Jen back here. I missed her.

Melissa and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

What more could go wrong? I'm just about to go to sleep even though it isn't 10pm and I'm supposed to wait up another two hours -- I just want this day to end.

Julian didn't call back after putting the phone down, but he sent me an email telling me to expect a call around midnight my time so we could discuss something about the cooling off period. I wrote him back telling him that there was none, as I had said before. No reply.

When I came back to work, around 1pm, there was a gigantic pile of stuff that had landed on my desk awaiting me. I was so stunned by what had gone down between J and me that I channeled all my freaked-outedness into getting through it. Around 6pm I went on Visa Journey to see if anyone in my April filers thread had gotten their NOA2 yet. I looked in at the United Kingdom forum, wasting time, and saw something that made me feel... angry? Sad? Julian had vented in one of the threads all about what happened today with the car, and said I had LIED to him about the cooling off period. I hadn't exactly -- yes, I chose not to take the contract that would have given me two days to change my mind because I knew I wanted this car. There is no cooling off period if you don't take it, so I was technically right.

Then he says I'm afraid to drive the car, which is untrue and not what I told him! I don't know why he posted on there about this. Here's where he starts posting, make your own mind up: VJ thread  It makes me feel like a child, like I can't be trusted, like I'm a simpleton who needs a man to take charge of everything. One of them even said I was gullible! And now someone is on there, using the popcorn smiley, like this is something to laugh about and mock! I just don't know what to do. Am I being too sensitive here? What would you do? It's so unlike J to share stuff like this in public, and the fact that he did it after told me he didn't want to speak to me until much later makes me so confused.

Going to take a bath and have a glass of wine. So confused.