I know I haven't been very good with writing recently, but as you probably can guess I have been really busy with the house, and Jocasta, and of course Julian. He was on the 9:20pm flight tonight out of LAX, and I can't say how unbelievably sad I am now. Having him here, even with Jocasta for a big chunk of time, was heaven. And the next time he comes, it will be for good -- I don't forget that.
So, I meant to say a little about what happened when Jocasta had dinner with my parents. GOD. What a disaster! I knew it was going to be difficult. My parents are fairly liberal, and Jocasta is... much more conservative. It all started off when I said to Julian that it would be nice if we had dinner at my parents' house, but then he said he didn't want to impose, especially since his mum has really exacting standards and he didn't want to cause any friction because of this. He said we would be better off going to a restaurant, and a French one if possible. She had wanted to go to the hotel restaurant (which has a Michelin star) but it was closed on Mondays, and that would have been the natural place to go. The only place I could think of was Bistro 45, and THAT was closed too! I didn't know what to do. So I said we could go to Tre Venezie, which I think has a star, maybe. He said it would have to do at this short notice.
Well, Julian and I arrived first for dinner (15 minutes early, as he always is) and my parents were on time. Jocasta was 20 minutes late, which was really embarrassing, but she's his mother and I shouldn't feel too upset about it, I guess. He always forgives her. Jocasta was at least a little friendly to my parents, which I was grateful for. Julian chose a GORGEOUS wine for us (can't remember what) and I tried to help break the ice by saying how grateful I was to have Jocasta here to help choose a house. My mother said, "Well, Melissa, by the sound of it, YOU had a lot more to do with the choice than you give yourself credit for." Jocasta said that she wasn't sure that it was the house she would have chosen (and that the built-in cabinets were "rather common") but it was Julian's decision. My mother said under her breath, "And my daughter's, too."
It really kicked off though during the appetizers. Jocasta had encouraged me to have one, even though I said I shouldn't, because she said the food looked so lovely I shouldn't deny myself one. My mother seemed pleased, since she thinks I'm too thin anyway, but when the appetizers arrived (Jocasta of course didn't have one), she turned to me and said, "Well, you haven't had your first fitting for your dress yet, anyway. I'm sure it's easier at the first fitting to let a dress out." My mother asked her if she was calling me fat. Jocasta said of course not, I was just a healthy American farm girl. "What's the phrase -- corn fed?" My father snickered but my mother just glared and said nothing.
Main courses arrived, and by this point my father and Julian (who actually get along pretty well) were well into the third bottle of wine for the table (I don't blame them). My father asked Jocasta what she thought about the Tories coming back into power. She looked very smug and said, "The people have spoken, and it's clear they support the party with real ideas." My dad shook his wine glass at her and said, "What, steal from the poor and give to the rich? That's the oldest idea in the book." Jocasta said that was ridiculous, and what did my father want, wealth redistribution? And he said, sure, why not? Why not redistribute some of your money? And Jocasta said, "It seems that with your daughter marrying my son you have a perfect incidence of wealth redistribution to the common people." I thought my mother was going to slap her, and my father went beet red and then laughed hysterically. It was so embarrassing. We skipped dessert and we all went home after the main course.
Ummm, what else? Oh, yeah, Jocasta leaving. So we went with her to the airport, even though we didn't have to, because Julian wanted to see her off and he wanted me to as well. So we get to LAX, and she's all ready to go through security. Julian's given her many hugs and kisses, even though they're sure to see each other in Suffolk really soon, and she starts walking away and says to me, "Oh, good-bye, Amanda. Lovely to see you." Amanda. That's Julian's ex's name. She knows what my name is; she has called me Amanda on more than one other occasion just to drive me crazy, I know it. I've mentioned it before to Julian, and he just laughs and says I'm imagining things. But I know I'm not.
AND we got the RFE done. It wasn't very hard -- we just photocopied pages from our passports to prove we were in each other's countries during the past two years, plus Julian brought proof that he had opened a joint account at Child & Co for us while I was living there in 2008. So off it went (express delivery) and I'm sure it will be enough. I think we should be getting our NOA2 soon!
So... the house! I don't have much to do with the sale at this point -- the lawyers really are taking care of everything. Julian gave me power of attorney for the sale and also over a few other affairs, and added me to one of his US accounts and one in the Caymans, so I can handle anything that needs doing. Hopefully everything will be worked out in the next month, and I can give notice and move! It will be weird living in a big house by myself (well, me and Tibbs) but Julian will be with me soon. It was just so AMAZING to have him with me, and to have the weekend to ourselves. It was SO HOT, and Julian said he couldn't stand not having "proper air con" so on Friday we moved over to the Langham too. Soooooo nice. We barely left the room, except for me to go take care of Tibbs, and to go to the spa. It was the perfect end to this visit.
Happy. Very happy.
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Lots to catch up on
I'm just going to start off with a very brief statement: if you do not like what I write about or how I write it, no one is forcing you to read this blog. I never intended for you to read it anyway and if you leave I won't miss you. I won't even stoop to address some of the things you wrote about me, and Julian and my mother-in-law to be. That is all I will say about this. I had a therapy session this evening and we talked about this, and Joanna said that if I choose to keep blogging, I need to not let other people's lies to get to me.
So... a lot has happened since I last posted. I want to kind of do this in chronological order, even though obviously the big news is about the house. But if I write it as it happened, then it's easier for me to make sure I don't miss anything. So Monday, we met up with Jocasta at her suite at the Langham. I was really pretty nervous about going, not only because the last time I saw her was during a visit to London in March of 2009, when it still looked like Julian and I were getting married (I mean we still are, but the first time we were engaged). She's always been very cold with me, as I've mentioned before, but Julian says I'm just too sensitive and assume that what are jokes are actually insults. We were at dinner one night, at the family pied a terre, and when I ate my bread with butter, she said something like, "Melissa, how brave of you to eat butter like that, as if it were cheese. Of course you know your metabolism will change when you're 24, so best to break that habit now." I was only 2 months away from my 24th birthday and she knew it!
Anyway, we met up at the Langham, which I had heard about but never been to. My friends always stay on my couch if they're visiting from out of town, or at a Motel 6, or at my parents'. It is absolutely gorgeous -- here it is: http://pasadena.langhamhotels.com/ We had to get there pretty early because we were due to see all the houses in one day, since Jocasta said she needed to leave California by Thursday afternoon (which she has). Jocasta is... pretty much everything my mom isn't. My mom looks like a mom, like you can hug her and tell her your problems, and she'll listen to you. Jocasta is very thin and when I hug her it isn't very comfortable, unlike being in my mom's hug. I always feel like I might break her. But I hardly ever have to hug her anyway; she's much happier with a kiss on the cheek. She and Julian checked through the details of the houses while I poked around the grounds a little since it was a relatively cool morning. Julian called me on my cell and told me to come back, since the realtor was here now, and she was due to show us the houses.
It had been so long since I'd seen them, I'd almost forgotten what they were like. The first one we went to was the four bed I loved the best, with the Aga appliances, and all the original wood. Jocasta inspected every room, while Julian spoke to the realtor about the schools in this area, and crime rates, and things I hadn't even considered to ask. I was just focused on how the place felt. We all went to look at the kind of overgrown backyard, and Jocasta said what a charmingly rustic feel it all had, exactly the sort of project that would keep me busy. It was just the way she said it, maybe, but something about it made me feel trapped, like all I was good for was gardening and wasting time while Julian got to go out and be in the world. Also, I can't garden; we always had gardeners, like everyone else around here. I asked her about the inside, what did she think of the rooms, and weren't they gorgeous? She looked at me and said, "They're rather small. I suppose if they were all children's rooms, that would be one thing. But I know that it will be at least 5 years before you fill all three extra rooms, and you will need room for entertaining." 5 years? To have three children? I can't even think about that. We left after Jocasta grilled the realtor some more about the neighbors, and what sort of people they were like.
Next up was the five bed I also liked. Again, Jocasta spent a lot of time trying door handles and looking in closets and making comments about American wiring. Julian really liked that the studies were already set up, and he loved the master suite. He walked around with me this time, holding my hand and talking about it as if it were already our home, where he would put things, where we sleep, and eat, and live together. He was spinning a whole story for me and I just knew this was the one. I looked him straight in the eye and told him this is where I wanted to be. I didn't even want to look at the third. And if he trusted me and knew me, what I was about, he could see this is where he wanted to be too. I don't think I've ever seen him look at me the way he did then -- it was as if he finally felt connected to me as a wife, as a partner, and not just Melissa. Something about me had broken through him, through his often hard shell. It has happened many times before, that I get beyond the surface, but this time... there was something different. I guess he realized that this was it, the start of a new life, and having a happy wife was something he needed to have.
He called Jocasta and the realtor in and told them that this was it. He wasn't going to see the third. This was the house that made me happy, and my happiness was what was most important to him. Oh, and that he loved it too, that the studies were ideal, and the neighborhood (which is basically the same as the other one, just a little closer to Old Town) was acceptable. I kept my eye on Jocasta, who didn't look happy. At all. Her mouth was very, very tight. She asked the realtor if she would please excuse her and Julian, but they needed to have a private word. Jocasta stalked out of the kitchen, and Julian followed her to I guess one of the studies. I heard the door shut, not slammed, but shut firmly. I couldn't hear their voices but I knew this wasn't good. The realtor told me a bit more about schools, and how much more convenient it was for Old Town, and I told her I loved it and I wanted to be here. She said that she could see that Jocasta was hesitant, but that ultimately it was Julian and my house. I could have hugged her for that.
About ten minutes later, Julian and his mum walked into the kitchen. Julian was smiling, and Jocasta wasn't, which I figured was a good sign. He said that he wanted to make an offer on this house, and that he would need to speak with his lawyers here first, but that later today he would be in touch with a figure. I could hardly breathe! I hugged him, and he just looked down at me with the same look he had before. "Melissa, I am going to make you the happiest wife I can," he said to me. I know he means it. We ran around the house again, looking in the bathrooms and closets and everything. This was it! Our home at last. Jocasta was not happy, but it isn't her money anyway, it's his and will soon be ours.
Oh god, I am so tired and it's 2am and I haven't even gotten to Monday's dinner! I will really try to do all of this tomorrow -- I have the day off to go with Julian to sign some power of attorney thing at the lawyers that will let me act on his behalf while he's back in London. I don't really need the whole day off, but Julian is leaving on Monday and I want to spend a full day just with him. I had to go to work Tuesday, Wednesday and today, so I want to really maximize the time we have together. Luckily not too much happened on those days since they were mostly filled with me going to work, Julian taking care of things with his mother at the lawyers (more than just the house, they are trying to work out some tax structure that I couldn't understand), and then us seeing Jocasta for dinner and then coming back here to just be ourselves. So busy. But tonight we got to go out with Jen again, which was just as great as last time, and we went to 21 Choices. Even Julian likes 21 Choices!
Actually, huh, it looks like I just covered Tuesday through Thursday, so tomorrow I will write about our dinner, because it was not what I had hoped. Oh, and the RFE, which we sent off today! Hooray!
So... a lot has happened since I last posted. I want to kind of do this in chronological order, even though obviously the big news is about the house. But if I write it as it happened, then it's easier for me to make sure I don't miss anything. So Monday, we met up with Jocasta at her suite at the Langham. I was really pretty nervous about going, not only because the last time I saw her was during a visit to London in March of 2009, when it still looked like Julian and I were getting married (I mean we still are, but the first time we were engaged). She's always been very cold with me, as I've mentioned before, but Julian says I'm just too sensitive and assume that what are jokes are actually insults. We were at dinner one night, at the family pied a terre, and when I ate my bread with butter, she said something like, "Melissa, how brave of you to eat butter like that, as if it were cheese. Of course you know your metabolism will change when you're 24, so best to break that habit now." I was only 2 months away from my 24th birthday and she knew it!
Anyway, we met up at the Langham, which I had heard about but never been to. My friends always stay on my couch if they're visiting from out of town, or at a Motel 6, or at my parents'. It is absolutely gorgeous -- here it is: http://pasadena.langhamhotels.com/ We had to get there pretty early because we were due to see all the houses in one day, since Jocasta said she needed to leave California by Thursday afternoon (which she has). Jocasta is... pretty much everything my mom isn't. My mom looks like a mom, like you can hug her and tell her your problems, and she'll listen to you. Jocasta is very thin and when I hug her it isn't very comfortable, unlike being in my mom's hug. I always feel like I might break her. But I hardly ever have to hug her anyway; she's much happier with a kiss on the cheek. She and Julian checked through the details of the houses while I poked around the grounds a little since it was a relatively cool morning. Julian called me on my cell and told me to come back, since the realtor was here now, and she was due to show us the houses.
It had been so long since I'd seen them, I'd almost forgotten what they were like. The first one we went to was the four bed I loved the best, with the Aga appliances, and all the original wood. Jocasta inspected every room, while Julian spoke to the realtor about the schools in this area, and crime rates, and things I hadn't even considered to ask. I was just focused on how the place felt. We all went to look at the kind of overgrown backyard, and Jocasta said what a charmingly rustic feel it all had, exactly the sort of project that would keep me busy. It was just the way she said it, maybe, but something about it made me feel trapped, like all I was good for was gardening and wasting time while Julian got to go out and be in the world. Also, I can't garden; we always had gardeners, like everyone else around here. I asked her about the inside, what did she think of the rooms, and weren't they gorgeous? She looked at me and said, "They're rather small. I suppose if they were all children's rooms, that would be one thing. But I know that it will be at least 5 years before you fill all three extra rooms, and you will need room for entertaining." 5 years? To have three children? I can't even think about that. We left after Jocasta grilled the realtor some more about the neighbors, and what sort of people they were like.
Next up was the five bed I also liked. Again, Jocasta spent a lot of time trying door handles and looking in closets and making comments about American wiring. Julian really liked that the studies were already set up, and he loved the master suite. He walked around with me this time, holding my hand and talking about it as if it were already our home, where he would put things, where we sleep, and eat, and live together. He was spinning a whole story for me and I just knew this was the one. I looked him straight in the eye and told him this is where I wanted to be. I didn't even want to look at the third. And if he trusted me and knew me, what I was about, he could see this is where he wanted to be too. I don't think I've ever seen him look at me the way he did then -- it was as if he finally felt connected to me as a wife, as a partner, and not just Melissa. Something about me had broken through him, through his often hard shell. It has happened many times before, that I get beyond the surface, but this time... there was something different. I guess he realized that this was it, the start of a new life, and having a happy wife was something he needed to have.
He called Jocasta and the realtor in and told them that this was it. He wasn't going to see the third. This was the house that made me happy, and my happiness was what was most important to him. Oh, and that he loved it too, that the studies were ideal, and the neighborhood (which is basically the same as the other one, just a little closer to Old Town) was acceptable. I kept my eye on Jocasta, who didn't look happy. At all. Her mouth was very, very tight. She asked the realtor if she would please excuse her and Julian, but they needed to have a private word. Jocasta stalked out of the kitchen, and Julian followed her to I guess one of the studies. I heard the door shut, not slammed, but shut firmly. I couldn't hear their voices but I knew this wasn't good. The realtor told me a bit more about schools, and how much more convenient it was for Old Town, and I told her I loved it and I wanted to be here. She said that she could see that Jocasta was hesitant, but that ultimately it was Julian and my house. I could have hugged her for that.
About ten minutes later, Julian and his mum walked into the kitchen. Julian was smiling, and Jocasta wasn't, which I figured was a good sign. He said that he wanted to make an offer on this house, and that he would need to speak with his lawyers here first, but that later today he would be in touch with a figure. I could hardly breathe! I hugged him, and he just looked down at me with the same look he had before. "Melissa, I am going to make you the happiest wife I can," he said to me. I know he means it. We ran around the house again, looking in the bathrooms and closets and everything. This was it! Our home at last. Jocasta was not happy, but it isn't her money anyway, it's his and will soon be ours.
Oh god, I am so tired and it's 2am and I haven't even gotten to Monday's dinner! I will really try to do all of this tomorrow -- I have the day off to go with Julian to sign some power of attorney thing at the lawyers that will let me act on his behalf while he's back in London. I don't really need the whole day off, but Julian is leaving on Monday and I want to spend a full day just with him. I had to go to work Tuesday, Wednesday and today, so I want to really maximize the time we have together. Luckily not too much happened on those days since they were mostly filled with me going to work, Julian taking care of things with his mother at the lawyers (more than just the house, they are trying to work out some tax structure that I couldn't understand), and then us seeing Jocasta for dinner and then coming back here to just be ourselves. So busy. But tonight we got to go out with Jen again, which was just as great as last time, and we went to 21 Choices. Even Julian likes 21 Choices!
Actually, huh, it looks like I just covered Tuesday through Thursday, so tomorrow I will write about our dinner, because it was not what I had hoped. Oh, and the RFE, which we sent off today! Hooray!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Compromising
I'm sure you saw all the comments yesterday on my blog. 20 comments... I would be flattered if some of them weren't so hurtful. I won't even bother to touch the one that claimed I was Julian's "beard" and that Alex was his lover, which is so ridiculous considering that I have had sex with both of them and I know they are both straight. There isn't ANYTHING sexual in their friendship AT ALL.
And as for Alex's attacks on me, they aren't really even worth replying to or explaining, beyond saying that Alex is convinced that I am only marrying Julian for his money and that that is the big secret that will come out. He's already told Julian a million times, so it's not like there's anything earth-shattering about it. Maybe that will explain to people why it seems like Alex has this big secret he hasn't told J -- he has! He just doesn't care and doesn't think it's true. It'd be funny if it wasn't so annoying.
Getting on to more important matters, I spoke to Julian about my ideas, my new ideas to keep working and maybe delay having a baby. He was a little surprised at first, and a little hurt to think that I hadn't told him what I really wanted to do with my life. He said he thought we had agreed a long time ago, in fact when we got engaged the first time, that I would quit work after the wedding and help him get settled and then support him in his work once his EAD (work authorization) card came through. He said this was a bigger job than I might have thought, and that his mother had always been perfectly happy in her role as his father's spouse. I said I was really happy to be his wife and support him like that, but I wanted to keep working because I needed it to be my own self, and if I wasn't my own self, then eventually I wouldn't be the woman he was marrying!
He paused for a second and then started laughing, which I was pretty insulted by. How dare he? I was spilling out my soul to him and he was laughing? He said, "Oh Liss, you have such a charming turn of phrase sometimes. Of course I want you to stay you." He asked me what exactly it was that I planned to do. I said I wanted to take some time off around the wedding, maybe a day or two before the wedding, and then two weeks off for our honeymoon in St Barts. Then I wanted to return to work like normal, and keep working there until I have a child. Basically, I want my life to be like it is now but with him here. We can get a maid to come clean twice weekly and I can cook as often as I can during the week.
Also, I don't want to have a baby right away. I'm not ready for it emotionally and I feel like we need to spend more time as a couple together before bringing a third person into this relationship. There are a lot of things I want to do with him before I have a child. I said I really do want to have a baby, maybe in a couple of years, but not right away. I said I knew this totally went against everything we agreed on back in late 2008 when we got engaged, but I was only 23 then and didn't realise how much I liked working since I hadn't even started at my job yet. I could tell he was angry at this point and no longer amused by what I had to say, because he was very quiet. He always gets really quiet when he's upset with me. I think he realized I was serious. So I asked him what he thought of my plan.
J: Melissa, when you agreed to marry me you also agreed to several conditions, didn't you?
M: Yes, Julian. But things have changed! I have changed!
J: But I haven't. Isn't it enough that I have gone along with your ridiculous requests -- to move to the States, to have the reception at your parents' house instead of the Huntington --
M: But that's always been my dream!
J: Your dream, Melissa, not mine. And as for your refusal to sign a pre-nup... My solicitors and my parents think I'm insane to marry you without one. But we won't have one as a sign of my commitment to you. Where is your commitment to me? I make a few small requests and you consent to them and then you turn around and say you don't "feel like it" anymore? Is that what you'll say to me five years from now about our marriage, that you don't "feel like it" anymore? Marriage is a commitment, Melissa.
M: And I'm ready to make it! I just want to be the best wife I could ever be for you. And I don't think I can do that if I'm not working.
J: My mother is perfectly happy not working. She raised Annabel and I, which was a big task in itself. She keeps the houses running and she helps my father in whatever way she can.
M: But she's old! I mean, from a different generation. And she never worked, not even before she married your dad. And she's not American! Maybe we do things differently, I don't know.
J: Melissa, this has nothing to do with my mother. This has everything to do with what you want to do. I will listen to you, so make it clear to me what you want.
M: I want to keep working and I don't want a child right away.
He didn't answer right away, which made me nervous. He told me he needed to take care of a call, and he would call me back within the hour, which I spent nervously waiting for him to call back. When he did, he had a proposition for me: how would I feel about working part-time? I couldn't believe it -- he was actually meeting me halfway! A real compromise! I feel so much like my new attitude about being assertive and acting like an adult is finally paying off.
I told him I would speak to John about this. I think he will probably be pretty happy to do that, because he already knew he was going to lose me later this year and he wasn't really that okay with me leaving because of how things are going with the Dutch client. But I'm thinking I will say something like (and Julian and I have come up with this plan) what if I just handle the one account with Marijke and the Dutch and nothing else? It takes up half my time anyway.
And as for the baby, he said we will see what life brings us. We don't need to start straight away, but if we're lucky enough to be blessed early on, we should realize it for the gift that a baby will be. I looked at that house yesterday -- yuck. Big enough, but the swimming pool was like a hole in the ground. But I really liked the realtor and she is setting up two nice 4 beds for me to look at tomorrow afternoon. Can't wait!
And as for Alex's attacks on me, they aren't really even worth replying to or explaining, beyond saying that Alex is convinced that I am only marrying Julian for his money and that that is the big secret that will come out. He's already told Julian a million times, so it's not like there's anything earth-shattering about it. Maybe that will explain to people why it seems like Alex has this big secret he hasn't told J -- he has! He just doesn't care and doesn't think it's true. It'd be funny if it wasn't so annoying.
Getting on to more important matters, I spoke to Julian about my ideas, my new ideas to keep working and maybe delay having a baby. He was a little surprised at first, and a little hurt to think that I hadn't told him what I really wanted to do with my life. He said he thought we had agreed a long time ago, in fact when we got engaged the first time, that I would quit work after the wedding and help him get settled and then support him in his work once his EAD (work authorization) card came through. He said this was a bigger job than I might have thought, and that his mother had always been perfectly happy in her role as his father's spouse. I said I was really happy to be his wife and support him like that, but I wanted to keep working because I needed it to be my own self, and if I wasn't my own self, then eventually I wouldn't be the woman he was marrying!
He paused for a second and then started laughing, which I was pretty insulted by. How dare he? I was spilling out my soul to him and he was laughing? He said, "Oh Liss, you have such a charming turn of phrase sometimes. Of course I want you to stay you." He asked me what exactly it was that I planned to do. I said I wanted to take some time off around the wedding, maybe a day or two before the wedding, and then two weeks off for our honeymoon in St Barts. Then I wanted to return to work like normal, and keep working there until I have a child. Basically, I want my life to be like it is now but with him here. We can get a maid to come clean twice weekly and I can cook as often as I can during the week.
Also, I don't want to have a baby right away. I'm not ready for it emotionally and I feel like we need to spend more time as a couple together before bringing a third person into this relationship. There are a lot of things I want to do with him before I have a child. I said I really do want to have a baby, maybe in a couple of years, but not right away. I said I knew this totally went against everything we agreed on back in late 2008 when we got engaged, but I was only 23 then and didn't realise how much I liked working since I hadn't even started at my job yet. I could tell he was angry at this point and no longer amused by what I had to say, because he was very quiet. He always gets really quiet when he's upset with me. I think he realized I was serious. So I asked him what he thought of my plan.
J: Melissa, when you agreed to marry me you also agreed to several conditions, didn't you?
M: Yes, Julian. But things have changed! I have changed!
J: But I haven't. Isn't it enough that I have gone along with your ridiculous requests -- to move to the States, to have the reception at your parents' house instead of the Huntington --
M: But that's always been my dream!
J: Your dream, Melissa, not mine. And as for your refusal to sign a pre-nup... My solicitors and my parents think I'm insane to marry you without one. But we won't have one as a sign of my commitment to you. Where is your commitment to me? I make a few small requests and you consent to them and then you turn around and say you don't "feel like it" anymore? Is that what you'll say to me five years from now about our marriage, that you don't "feel like it" anymore? Marriage is a commitment, Melissa.
M: And I'm ready to make it! I just want to be the best wife I could ever be for you. And I don't think I can do that if I'm not working.
J: My mother is perfectly happy not working. She raised Annabel and I, which was a big task in itself. She keeps the houses running and she helps my father in whatever way she can.
M: But she's old! I mean, from a different generation. And she never worked, not even before she married your dad. And she's not American! Maybe we do things differently, I don't know.
J: Melissa, this has nothing to do with my mother. This has everything to do with what you want to do. I will listen to you, so make it clear to me what you want.
M: I want to keep working and I don't want a child right away.
He didn't answer right away, which made me nervous. He told me he needed to take care of a call, and he would call me back within the hour, which I spent nervously waiting for him to call back. When he did, he had a proposition for me: how would I feel about working part-time? I couldn't believe it -- he was actually meeting me halfway! A real compromise! I feel so much like my new attitude about being assertive and acting like an adult is finally paying off.
I told him I would speak to John about this. I think he will probably be pretty happy to do that, because he already knew he was going to lose me later this year and he wasn't really that okay with me leaving because of how things are going with the Dutch client. But I'm thinking I will say something like (and Julian and I have come up with this plan) what if I just handle the one account with Marijke and the Dutch and nothing else? It takes up half my time anyway.
And as for the baby, he said we will see what life brings us. We don't need to start straight away, but if we're lucky enough to be blessed early on, we should realize it for the gift that a baby will be. I looked at that house yesterday -- yuck. Big enough, but the swimming pool was like a hole in the ground. But I really liked the realtor and she is setting up two nice 4 beds for me to look at tomorrow afternoon. Can't wait!
Monday, May 31, 2010
The big surprise!
What a busy weekend this has been for me! I have today off, and I am spending some time just lazing around the apartment and going online to look at wedding things and… okay, I found out what Julian’s big surprise was! So so so so so excited. He wants me to start looking for a house for us right now. Although I told him my idea about renting a place until we could choose together, he said he would rather have a house, our house ready for him by the time he arrives. So what I have to do is start looking online, and any house I like the look of I send on to him so he can get an idea of what is out there. And… once we find one we like, or even better a few we like, he is coming out here to complete the purchase. My own house! I could be out of my little apartment in only a couple of months, I can’t even believe it.
Julian said once the sale is complete, I can start decorating it too. I guess I’ll have to ask Rachel to help me, since I’m the only one of the two of us who has an actual job, and I don’t know how I can plan a wedding and decorate a house while still going to work. I keep wondering if I wouldn’t be better off quitting my job sooner rather than later, since there is going to be so much work just doing the other stuff. But since Rachel spends her days at Starbucks working on her “screenplay” and since she has a pretty good sense of style (I have almost none, I mean, I can appreciate what other people do and I like it when it’s done well but I can’t figure out throw pillows or things like that) I think she would be a good choice. Also, I feel bad that I didn’t ask her to be in my wedding party, but I felt (and I am going to sound so petty) that even if I put her in the ugliest bridesmaid dress ever, she would still look more amazing than me. And choosing an ugly bridesmaid dress just to irritate my sister would be really unfair to the other bridesmaids.
And really that is what my life has ALWAYS been like – coming in second to Rachel. Not only did she always get to do almost everything first because she’s 2 years older than me, she just always looked better doing it. I know I’ve got a pretty face and a nice enough body, but compared to her, pffffft. She used to tease me when I was 14 and she was 16 because my chest hadn’t grown yet, and of course she got the gift of natural double Ds and at that point I was still just an A. I mean, they DID grow that year, and I’m happy enough with them, but it’s just not fair that Rachel is SO much prettier than me. I know I sound like I’m 16 when I say that, but I still feel it.
I’m also a total klutz and am always knocking things over and Rachel might have had a career in ballet when she was younger had she not gotten so tall and developed. Julian is always telling me to be careful around breakable things because I am always falling into things and upsetting tables and bumping my head on things. My legs always have little cuts and scratches on them where I catch myself on something. It’s kind of embarrassing. God, what else? Well, she can drive stick shift, which is pretty cool and I have always wanted to do but as Julian says, I have a hard enough time riding a bicycle in a straight line. It will probably never happen for me.
But there are a lot of things that I like better about me than her. First of all, she is kind of promiscuous. Unlike me, she has a hard time committing to one guy and she seems not to see any problem with sleeping with one guy while she is sleeping with another. She doesn’t seem to have any one boyfriend at all, but several guys she just calls up when she’s bored. I’ve been with Julian for over three years, even if we did have a couple of breaks along the way. With the exception of Alex and Noah, the guy who moved to Seattle who I dated for a while last year when J and I were on a break, I have only been with Julian since October 2006. And even then, it wasn’t like I was having sex with Noah and then calling up his best friend to set up a date. I didn’t even LIKE Seth, Noah’s best friend and his bandmate. Because Rachel is “seeing” two guys who are friends at the same time! Yuck. I mean, I told her that this was kind of gross, but then she tried to throw it back in my face, and said I had done exactly the same thing with J and Alex, which is totally untrue. I wasn’t seeing them at the same time, god.
And also, as I think I mentioned before, the one thing I was always better at than her was school. Not that she ever showed that she was jealous of my success. I was a National Merit Scholarship semi-finalist and she just said, “Am I wrong, or a semi-finalist isn’t as good as a winner, right?” She managed to go to college – just – and as far as I’m concerned it was a HUGE waste of my parents’ money. She nearly flunked out every term, and it took her an extra year to graduate. At least I had enough class not to tease her about that.
And then there’s this other thing. I suppose it’s really stupid but it just bothers me. We have the same waxer at this salon we both go to, Sveta or something. She’s really, really good, but she is chatty, and sometimes brutal (I mean in terms of what she says, not the waxing). The last time I was there, she told me that I was waiting too long between waxes, not like Rachel, who is there at the first sign of a hair. I can’t even get waxing right compared to Rachel. And then Sveta asked me why I didn’t get a full Brazilian like Rachel; ewwww. First off, I don’t need to know what my sister is getting done down there, and second, I just don’t think it’s very ladylike to have that done to you. Maybe I’m a bit old-fashioned like that, but just no.
God, this post was supposed to be about my househunting, but I seem to have wandered away from that. Which is actually okay because I haven’t really started yet – I need to find a zip code map somewhere so I can narrow down the search. I want at least three bedrooms, central air, some backyard, and a garage. I’m focusing on Pasadena, but I might look a little bit further out too. I mean, the real reason I’m here is because Jen and Jenn moved here, and I wanted to be near them. Now that I’m getting married, and Jenn isn’t even speaking to me, it doesn’t seem like such a big deal. I mean, I love Pasadena and I am so attached to it, but if I can’t find something that Julian likes here then that’s okay. I mean, he’s the one who is giving up SO much to come to live with me. I love England, but I can’t live there. I have done two winters there (or 1 and a half) and I just can’t do it. Plus I just miss my friends so much when I’m there, and English women seem so cold. I couldn’t make any female friends when I was there. The men were fine, though.
So househunting! I’ll see if I can post links to houses as I find them. SO excited I can barely believe it! AND I get to see Julian! I can’t wait!
Julian said once the sale is complete, I can start decorating it too. I guess I’ll have to ask Rachel to help me, since I’m the only one of the two of us who has an actual job, and I don’t know how I can plan a wedding and decorate a house while still going to work. I keep wondering if I wouldn’t be better off quitting my job sooner rather than later, since there is going to be so much work just doing the other stuff. But since Rachel spends her days at Starbucks working on her “screenplay” and since she has a pretty good sense of style (I have almost none, I mean, I can appreciate what other people do and I like it when it’s done well but I can’t figure out throw pillows or things like that) I think she would be a good choice. Also, I feel bad that I didn’t ask her to be in my wedding party, but I felt (and I am going to sound so petty) that even if I put her in the ugliest bridesmaid dress ever, she would still look more amazing than me. And choosing an ugly bridesmaid dress just to irritate my sister would be really unfair to the other bridesmaids.
And really that is what my life has ALWAYS been like – coming in second to Rachel. Not only did she always get to do almost everything first because she’s 2 years older than me, she just always looked better doing it. I know I’ve got a pretty face and a nice enough body, but compared to her, pffffft. She used to tease me when I was 14 and she was 16 because my chest hadn’t grown yet, and of course she got the gift of natural double Ds and at that point I was still just an A. I mean, they DID grow that year, and I’m happy enough with them, but it’s just not fair that Rachel is SO much prettier than me. I know I sound like I’m 16 when I say that, but I still feel it.
I’m also a total klutz and am always knocking things over and Rachel might have had a career in ballet when she was younger had she not gotten so tall and developed. Julian is always telling me to be careful around breakable things because I am always falling into things and upsetting tables and bumping my head on things. My legs always have little cuts and scratches on them where I catch myself on something. It’s kind of embarrassing. God, what else? Well, she can drive stick shift, which is pretty cool and I have always wanted to do but as Julian says, I have a hard enough time riding a bicycle in a straight line. It will probably never happen for me.
But there are a lot of things that I like better about me than her. First of all, she is kind of promiscuous. Unlike me, she has a hard time committing to one guy and she seems not to see any problem with sleeping with one guy while she is sleeping with another. She doesn’t seem to have any one boyfriend at all, but several guys she just calls up when she’s bored. I’ve been with Julian for over three years, even if we did have a couple of breaks along the way. With the exception of Alex and Noah, the guy who moved to Seattle who I dated for a while last year when J and I were on a break, I have only been with Julian since October 2006. And even then, it wasn’t like I was having sex with Noah and then calling up his best friend to set up a date. I didn’t even LIKE Seth, Noah’s best friend and his bandmate. Because Rachel is “seeing” two guys who are friends at the same time! Yuck. I mean, I told her that this was kind of gross, but then she tried to throw it back in my face, and said I had done exactly the same thing with J and Alex, which is totally untrue. I wasn’t seeing them at the same time, god.
And also, as I think I mentioned before, the one thing I was always better at than her was school. Not that she ever showed that she was jealous of my success. I was a National Merit Scholarship semi-finalist and she just said, “Am I wrong, or a semi-finalist isn’t as good as a winner, right?” She managed to go to college – just – and as far as I’m concerned it was a HUGE waste of my parents’ money. She nearly flunked out every term, and it took her an extra year to graduate. At least I had enough class not to tease her about that.
And then there’s this other thing. I suppose it’s really stupid but it just bothers me. We have the same waxer at this salon we both go to, Sveta or something. She’s really, really good, but she is chatty, and sometimes brutal (I mean in terms of what she says, not the waxing). The last time I was there, she told me that I was waiting too long between waxes, not like Rachel, who is there at the first sign of a hair. I can’t even get waxing right compared to Rachel. And then Sveta asked me why I didn’t get a full Brazilian like Rachel; ewwww. First off, I don’t need to know what my sister is getting done down there, and second, I just don’t think it’s very ladylike to have that done to you. Maybe I’m a bit old-fashioned like that, but just no.
God, this post was supposed to be about my househunting, but I seem to have wandered away from that. Which is actually okay because I haven’t really started yet – I need to find a zip code map somewhere so I can narrow down the search. I want at least three bedrooms, central air, some backyard, and a garage. I’m focusing on Pasadena, but I might look a little bit further out too. I mean, the real reason I’m here is because Jen and Jenn moved here, and I wanted to be near them. Now that I’m getting married, and Jenn isn’t even speaking to me, it doesn’t seem like such a big deal. I mean, I love Pasadena and I am so attached to it, but if I can’t find something that Julian likes here then that’s okay. I mean, he’s the one who is giving up SO much to come to live with me. I love England, but I can’t live there. I have done two winters there (or 1 and a half) and I just can’t do it. Plus I just miss my friends so much when I’m there, and English women seem so cold. I couldn’t make any female friends when I was there. The men were fine, though.
So househunting! I’ll see if I can post links to houses as I find them. SO excited I can barely believe it! AND I get to see Julian! I can’t wait!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Stupid webinars
I had wanted to post something about the horrible little comment Alex left on my last post. I will certainly post about it later today. It's 12.22am here and I am on a stupid webinar about Asia. I drew the short straw so here I am, in my pajamas and eating ice cream, listening to people drone on about the main office's plans to expand in Hong Kong. And all the while his stupid comment is eating me up. How dare he?
Oh god, someone just asked me a question there. I realized just in time and was able to give a sort of answer. I was far away, thinking about Alex. Why can't he just let us be? It's 8.35am now in London and I have a real mind to call him when I'm done here. I want some answers from him, since Julian sent me an email an hour ago telling me not to call after my webinar, since I won't be done until at least 9am his time, and he is going to be in a meeting from then until 1pm, some emergency board meeting.
If I can stay up I am going to call Alex and tell him to leave me alone. I know he's still holding stuff against me from our time in Bristol, all that silly stuff about Miranda. It was so long ago. I doubt that's everything. I know he sees me as a bubble-headed waste of space, or some social-climber just after Julian's money. I don't CARE about Julian's money. I know there are plenty of women who would just see Julian as just one big pound sign, but I really don't give a damn about it at all. If anything, it seems like it's a bigger hassle than I want to deal with most of the time. His parents have all these expectations of me -- especially the one about having a son, which makes me feel like I'm in some Victorian novel. One of the reasons I want to be here in America and not there in England is that over here I won't have to be some stupid society hostess, throwing dinner parties and going to balls. I went to plenty of these stupid charity events during the six months I was there. They were so boring, and I always got stuck sitting next to a horrible old man who spent half the time spooning food into his mustache and the other half staring down my dress. Jocasta, Julian's mum, always did a debrief after these events, telling me where I had fallen short and how to improve since some day I was going to have to host one of these things. And during the events, she would hover nearby to make sure I didn't say something embarrassing. If I did, she would actually come close and put her arm around me and then pinch me!
I think this webinar is drawing to a close, thank god. Almost 1am and I am exhausted. But I am going to call Alex if I can stay awake. I hate Alex. I just hate him.
Oh god, someone just asked me a question there. I realized just in time and was able to give a sort of answer. I was far away, thinking about Alex. Why can't he just let us be? It's 8.35am now in London and I have a real mind to call him when I'm done here. I want some answers from him, since Julian sent me an email an hour ago telling me not to call after my webinar, since I won't be done until at least 9am his time, and he is going to be in a meeting from then until 1pm, some emergency board meeting.
If I can stay up I am going to call Alex and tell him to leave me alone. I know he's still holding stuff against me from our time in Bristol, all that silly stuff about Miranda. It was so long ago. I doubt that's everything. I know he sees me as a bubble-headed waste of space, or some social-climber just after Julian's money. I don't CARE about Julian's money. I know there are plenty of women who would just see Julian as just one big pound sign, but I really don't give a damn about it at all. If anything, it seems like it's a bigger hassle than I want to deal with most of the time. His parents have all these expectations of me -- especially the one about having a son, which makes me feel like I'm in some Victorian novel. One of the reasons I want to be here in America and not there in England is that over here I won't have to be some stupid society hostess, throwing dinner parties and going to balls. I went to plenty of these stupid charity events during the six months I was there. They were so boring, and I always got stuck sitting next to a horrible old man who spent half the time spooning food into his mustache and the other half staring down my dress. Jocasta, Julian's mum, always did a debrief after these events, telling me where I had fallen short and how to improve since some day I was going to have to host one of these things. And during the events, she would hover nearby to make sure I didn't say something embarrassing. If I did, she would actually come close and put her arm around me and then pinch me!
I think this webinar is drawing to a close, thank god. Almost 1am and I am exhausted. But I am going to call Alex if I can stay awake. I hate Alex. I just hate him.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Dear diary, why can I never get it right?
I messed up. Big time, I'm told. I kind of didn't end up getting the Mercedes. I test drove it and it was nice, but the salesman also showed me this super-cute pre-owned Porsche Boxster, and it was THOUSANDS less than the Mercedes. I took it for a drive and all of a sudden I could see Julian and me, driving along the coast on our way to Santa Barbara or Sonoma, with the top down and the wind in our hair. It is super-cute! Here it is (ad is now down but I nabbed a pic before it did: Boxster) -- dark blue with a stone leather interior.
So I kind of thought it would be MUCH better than an SUV -- I'm only 24 (well, 25 in 10 days) and it's not like I need to transport kids around or anything. And also it was cheaper! I thought I might take the extra J wired me and put it towards a down payment on a house or something. I thought J would be happy that I got something that I thought suited me, and was a reflection of who I am and not a soccer mom (which is kind of what the Mercedes made me feel like). So I decided to take it! I signed all the paperwork and the dealer told me everything would be ready for me to pick it up on Friday. I thought I'd be getting it today and was prepared to give up Nick (which they wouldn't take as a trade-in, which kind of hurt me in a weird way) but in the end I have a few more days. I guess I'll sell him on Craigslist, or donate him to charity.
Anyway, I called Julian with my news and oh god. He was NOT happy. I can always tell when he's really angry because his voice gets very calm and low. The conversation went something like this:
J: So darling, how did it go?
M: Great! But I didn't buy a Mercedes in the end.
(silence)
J: As in you didn't buy anything in the end or a Mercedes in the end?
M: I tried the Mercedes and it wasn't for me. It just seemed too...old.
J: Promise me you didn't do something stupid.
M: Oh no! No!
J: Like buy something utterly unsuitable. Like another Nissan.
M: No.
J: Spit it out, Melissa. What did you do?
M: I bought a 2006 Porsche Boxster for $27 grand! It's soooo cute and it was way less than the Mercedes --
J: WHAT?
M: Honey, it is really cute and it just suits me so much better than an SUV. I mean, we don't have kids or dogs or anything, so why not get something --
J: Melissa. You are not capable of handling an automobile of that specification. You have a hard enough time riding your bicycle in a straight line and I have yet to see you parallel park that heap of a Nissan in less than 16 maneuvers.
M: That's not fair.
J: Melissa, it's true. And whilst we may not have any children or dogs right now, we will soon. Where are you going to put those in a Boxster? Do we put a baby seat in the boot?
M: No... but we could just trade it in and get an SUV later.
J: And get how much for it then? $27k? For a 4-year-old Porsche? They must have seen you coming a mile away. They ripped you off! You need to go back there right now and cancel the contract.
M: I can't Julian! There's no cool-down period in California! And I love the car!
J: Melissa, I am putting the phone down now. You are not able to drive that car. You never should have been so bloody stupid as to buy something we had not agreed on. We agreed on the Mercedes. You are going to scare yourself driving a Porsche. I will call you back when I have calmed down a bit.
M: When will that be? Julian, honey, I love this car!
*click*
Maybe he's right, maybe I'm not able to handle a car like that. Maybe I should be afraid.
So I kind of thought it would be MUCH better than an SUV -- I'm only 24 (well, 25 in 10 days) and it's not like I need to transport kids around or anything. And also it was cheaper! I thought I might take the extra J wired me and put it towards a down payment on a house or something. I thought J would be happy that I got something that I thought suited me, and was a reflection of who I am and not a soccer mom (which is kind of what the Mercedes made me feel like). So I decided to take it! I signed all the paperwork and the dealer told me everything would be ready for me to pick it up on Friday. I thought I'd be getting it today and was prepared to give up Nick (which they wouldn't take as a trade-in, which kind of hurt me in a weird way) but in the end I have a few more days. I guess I'll sell him on Craigslist, or donate him to charity.
Anyway, I called Julian with my news and oh god. He was NOT happy. I can always tell when he's really angry because his voice gets very calm and low. The conversation went something like this:
J: So darling, how did it go?
M: Great! But I didn't buy a Mercedes in the end.
(silence)
J: As in you didn't buy anything in the end or a Mercedes in the end?
M: I tried the Mercedes and it wasn't for me. It just seemed too...old.
J: Promise me you didn't do something stupid.
M: Oh no! No!
J: Like buy something utterly unsuitable. Like another Nissan.
M: No.
J: Spit it out, Melissa. What did you do?
M: I bought a 2006 Porsche Boxster for $27 grand! It's soooo cute and it was way less than the Mercedes --
J: WHAT?
M: Honey, it is really cute and it just suits me so much better than an SUV. I mean, we don't have kids or dogs or anything, so why not get something --
J: Melissa. You are not capable of handling an automobile of that specification. You have a hard enough time riding your bicycle in a straight line and I have yet to see you parallel park that heap of a Nissan in less than 16 maneuvers.
M: That's not fair.
J: Melissa, it's true. And whilst we may not have any children or dogs right now, we will soon. Where are you going to put those in a Boxster? Do we put a baby seat in the boot?
M: No... but we could just trade it in and get an SUV later.
J: And get how much for it then? $27k? For a 4-year-old Porsche? They must have seen you coming a mile away. They ripped you off! You need to go back there right now and cancel the contract.
M: I can't Julian! There's no cool-down period in California! And I love the car!
J: Melissa, I am putting the phone down now. You are not able to drive that car. You never should have been so bloody stupid as to buy something we had not agreed on. We agreed on the Mercedes. You are going to scare yourself driving a Porsche. I will call you back when I have calmed down a bit.
M: When will that be? Julian, honey, I love this car!
*click*
Maybe he's right, maybe I'm not able to handle a car like that. Maybe I should be afraid.
Good-bye, dear Nick
I'm off to the dealership to go buy my new car! I am so excited I couldn't eat breakfast so I'm drinking a Slim-Fast shake (I stocked up recently because all that Chinese is going right to my hips) instead. I have the morning off of work to do the deal. Julian gave me a pep talk and told me to stay focused and not let myself get pushed into anything that feels not right. So excited to try my new car! I hope I like it.... what if I don't like it? Oh, like I won't! J said to call him immediately and put him on speakerphone if anything does not go according to plan.
I'm leaving dear Nick the Nissan there. :( I'll miss him.
I'm leaving dear Nick the Nissan there. :( I'll miss him.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
New car? New car!
So Julian and I have been discussing the state of my car recently. I have a 1997 Nissan Sentra, which I've had since I left for college. It's not bad for a 13 year old car, I think. Nothing really catastrophic has gone wrong with it, except for the air conditioning dying on a road trip back from Vegas. In August. I get the oil changed regularly and mind the tire pressures, and always keep the fluids topped up. The paint is pretty terrible -- like a lot of cars out here in the Valley, the clear coat has peeled away on the horizontal surfaces and there is a gigantic scratch down the passenger side. But there is nothing wrong with the car mechanically, and I have never seen the point in replacing it because I am actually really fond of him. (Yes, he's a him. His name is Nick.)
Julian... let's just say he is not so fond of Nick. Julian showed up very dramatically on my doorstep on January 2nd unannounced and looking to win me back after the tough times we had in 2009. (It worked.) Since he had never driven in America before, never even been to anywhere in America besides New York a few times, he hadn't rented a car so we used my Sentra. Since we didn't actually leave the house for a couple of days after he arrived (*blush*), he didn't have the chance to see my car until the 4th or 5th, I forget which. Anyway, he said, "Are you kidding me? You drive THAT?" I said there was nothing wrong with Nick, he was just a little old and worn at the edges. Julian said that no wife of his -- and at this point he hadn't proposed (for the second time round), so I got all goose-pimply -- would be seen dead driving in a beater like that. Why didn't I take better care of it? Why did I leave all those bags and empty soda cans in it? Why did I appear to have an entire year's worth of Glamour magazine stored in there?
I felt kind of defensive about it at first. This was MY car that I paid for out of MY money. I had saved up for two years after I got my license to buy a car. It was only 6 years old then and it still looked pretty great. My parents aren't exactly poor, but they made it clear to my sister and me that we were going to need to earn the big purchases in our lives. I'm a little better than my older sister at not complaining about that! (Sorry Rachel -- it's true!) I'm proud of the many hours I spent working at the Gap to earn the money.
Julian always seemed to be needling me to think about upgrading Nick. It makes me still kind of sad to think about losing my trusty steed, which took me to college and back, and even up to Seattle once when I was dating a guy who had relocated there and I was thinking about going there too. However, once we got engaged, J became pretty adamant that his wife would not be seen driving something so "pedestrian" as a Nissan Sentra. (lol) I was worth so much more than that, and it would reflect poorly on him too if he had something new and I was still with Nick, like I wasn't worth anything more. So he has decided to wire me the money for a new car. Wow! He thinks I should get a Mercedes -- wow! I can't believe I'm going to have a brand-new car and it's going to be a Mercedes!
So after a while looking at all the info online, I am going to test drive the GLK350. It's a compact SUV. J wanted me to consider one of the more luxurious SUVs but I think the GLK is fancy enough for me! He spent a lot of time researching the model and he feels comfortable with it. He's given me a LOT of advice about how to behave at the car lot, and he's already called the dealership to tell them I'm coming in and that I am only interested in looking at the GLKs, and that I am a cash buyer who does not want her time wasted. I am so excited!
But then... it always seems to be coming back to money these days. Sigh. I'm not doing too badly in my job, and feel like I'm making a respectable wage for someone my age and experience. My little apartment is cozy and quirkily furnished and I go out to some decent restaurants, bars and clubs. But it's... well, it's nothing compared to Julian's family and sometimes I feel the weight of expectations. His mother doesn't seem to like me very much, although J always says that I'm just being overly sensitive. She is still pushing for us to do a pre-nup -- "Just look at that Paul McCartney! He wouldn't do a pre-nuptial agreement and now look where he is! How do you know Melissa won't do a Heather Mills on you!" she said to Julian. In front of me. J is refusing to sign one, and although I won't say a word to his mum about it, I'm glad he's standing up to her. The fact that we are now on our second round of engagement makes her even more suspicious of me, like I'm only after J for the money, and that somehow I charmed him back so I could get my hands on their money, when he was the one who came back to me.
She has said some truly unbelievable things to me in the past. One time, when we were in her kitchen and I was slicing some bread for a sandwich, she said, "Melissa, you do have rather fat calves for someone your size don't you?" I didn't know what to say. Once she came over to our house in Suffolk (I think of it as our house even though it's Julian's really) when he was out; we used to go to the house about once every other weekend for some quieter living than we got in London. I was sorting laundry and she offered to help fold, which I thought was so kind and maybe even a peace gesture. Instead, she looked at the label inside one of my skirts and said "Size 2? Really? I heard they did vanity sizing in the States and now I believe it." Julian said this was his mother's idea of a joke and I was supposed to have laughed. I was so shocked that I just kept folding.
Oh god, I don't seem to be able to shut up in these posts! I guess I should have been blogging for years! So... yay! New car!
Julian... let's just say he is not so fond of Nick. Julian showed up very dramatically on my doorstep on January 2nd unannounced and looking to win me back after the tough times we had in 2009. (It worked.) Since he had never driven in America before, never even been to anywhere in America besides New York a few times, he hadn't rented a car so we used my Sentra. Since we didn't actually leave the house for a couple of days after he arrived (*blush*), he didn't have the chance to see my car until the 4th or 5th, I forget which. Anyway, he said, "Are you kidding me? You drive THAT?" I said there was nothing wrong with Nick, he was just a little old and worn at the edges. Julian said that no wife of his -- and at this point he hadn't proposed (for the second time round), so I got all goose-pimply -- would be seen dead driving in a beater like that. Why didn't I take better care of it? Why did I leave all those bags and empty soda cans in it? Why did I appear to have an entire year's worth of Glamour magazine stored in there?
I felt kind of defensive about it at first. This was MY car that I paid for out of MY money. I had saved up for two years after I got my license to buy a car. It was only 6 years old then and it still looked pretty great. My parents aren't exactly poor, but they made it clear to my sister and me that we were going to need to earn the big purchases in our lives. I'm a little better than my older sister at not complaining about that! (Sorry Rachel -- it's true!) I'm proud of the many hours I spent working at the Gap to earn the money.
Julian always seemed to be needling me to think about upgrading Nick. It makes me still kind of sad to think about losing my trusty steed, which took me to college and back, and even up to Seattle once when I was dating a guy who had relocated there and I was thinking about going there too. However, once we got engaged, J became pretty adamant that his wife would not be seen driving something so "pedestrian" as a Nissan Sentra. (lol) I was worth so much more than that, and it would reflect poorly on him too if he had something new and I was still with Nick, like I wasn't worth anything more. So he has decided to wire me the money for a new car. Wow! He thinks I should get a Mercedes -- wow! I can't believe I'm going to have a brand-new car and it's going to be a Mercedes!
So after a while looking at all the info online, I am going to test drive the GLK350. It's a compact SUV. J wanted me to consider one of the more luxurious SUVs but I think the GLK is fancy enough for me! He spent a lot of time researching the model and he feels comfortable with it. He's given me a LOT of advice about how to behave at the car lot, and he's already called the dealership to tell them I'm coming in and that I am only interested in looking at the GLKs, and that I am a cash buyer who does not want her time wasted. I am so excited!
But then... it always seems to be coming back to money these days. Sigh. I'm not doing too badly in my job, and feel like I'm making a respectable wage for someone my age and experience. My little apartment is cozy and quirkily furnished and I go out to some decent restaurants, bars and clubs. But it's... well, it's nothing compared to Julian's family and sometimes I feel the weight of expectations. His mother doesn't seem to like me very much, although J always says that I'm just being overly sensitive. She is still pushing for us to do a pre-nup -- "Just look at that Paul McCartney! He wouldn't do a pre-nuptial agreement and now look where he is! How do you know Melissa won't do a Heather Mills on you!" she said to Julian. In front of me. J is refusing to sign one, and although I won't say a word to his mum about it, I'm glad he's standing up to her. The fact that we are now on our second round of engagement makes her even more suspicious of me, like I'm only after J for the money, and that somehow I charmed him back so I could get my hands on their money, when he was the one who came back to me.
She has said some truly unbelievable things to me in the past. One time, when we were in her kitchen and I was slicing some bread for a sandwich, she said, "Melissa, you do have rather fat calves for someone your size don't you?" I didn't know what to say. Once she came over to our house in Suffolk (I think of it as our house even though it's Julian's really) when he was out; we used to go to the house about once every other weekend for some quieter living than we got in London. I was sorting laundry and she offered to help fold, which I thought was so kind and maybe even a peace gesture. Instead, she looked at the label inside one of my skirts and said "Size 2? Really? I heard they did vanity sizing in the States and now I believe it." Julian said this was his mother's idea of a joke and I was supposed to have laughed. I was so shocked that I just kept folding.
Oh god, I don't seem to be able to shut up in these posts! I guess I should have been blogging for years! So... yay! New car!
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