...and he's gone.

I know I haven't been very good with writing recently, but as you probably can guess I have been really busy with the house, and Jocasta, and of course Julian. He was on the 9:20pm flight tonight out of LAX, and I can't say how unbelievably sad I am now. Having him here, even with Jocasta for a big chunk of time, was heaven. And the next time he comes, it will be for good -- I don't forget that.

So, I meant to say a little about what happened when Jocasta had dinner with my parents. GOD. What a disaster! I knew it was going to be difficult. My parents are fairly liberal, and Jocasta is... much more conservative. It all started off when I said to Julian that it would be nice if we had dinner at my parents' house, but then he said he didn't want to impose, especially since his mum has really exacting standards and he didn't want to cause any friction because of this. He said we would be better off going to a restaurant, and a French one if possible. She had wanted to go to the hotel restaurant (which has a Michelin star) but it was closed on Mondays, and that would have been the natural place to go. The only place I could think of was Bistro 45, and THAT was closed too! I didn't know what to do. So I said we could go to Tre Venezie, which I think has a star, maybe. He said it would have to do at this short notice.

Well, Julian and I arrived first for dinner (15 minutes early, as he always is) and my parents were on time. Jocasta was 20 minutes late, which was really embarrassing, but she's his mother and I shouldn't feel too upset about it, I guess. He always forgives her. Jocasta was at least a little friendly to my parents, which I was grateful for. Julian chose a GORGEOUS wine for us (can't remember what) and I tried to help break the ice by saying how grateful I was to have Jocasta here to help choose a house. My mother said, "Well, Melissa, by the sound of it, YOU had a lot more to do with the choice than you give yourself credit for." Jocasta said that she wasn't sure that it was the house she would have chosen (and that the built-in cabinets were "rather common") but it was Julian's decision. My mother said under her breath, "And my daughter's, too."

It really kicked off though during the appetizers. Jocasta had encouraged me to have one, even though I said I shouldn't, because she said the food looked so lovely I shouldn't deny myself one. My mother seemed pleased, since she thinks I'm too thin anyway, but when the appetizers arrived (Jocasta of course didn't have one), she turned to me and said, "Well, you haven't had your first fitting for your dress yet, anyway. I'm sure it's easier at the first fitting to let a dress out." My mother asked her if she was calling me fat. Jocasta said of course not, I was just a healthy American farm girl. "What's the phrase -- corn fed?" My father snickered but my mother just glared and said nothing.

Main courses arrived, and by this point my father and Julian (who actually get along pretty well) were well into the third bottle of wine for the table (I don't blame them). My father asked Jocasta what she thought about the Tories coming back into power. She looked very smug and said, "The people have spoken, and it's clear they support the party with real ideas." My dad shook his wine glass at her and said, "What, steal from the poor and give to the rich? That's the oldest idea in the book." Jocasta said that was ridiculous, and what did my father want, wealth redistribution? And he said, sure, why not? Why not redistribute some of your money? And Jocasta said, "It seems that with your daughter marrying my son you have a perfect incidence of wealth redistribution to the common people." I thought my mother was going to slap her, and my father went beet red and then laughed hysterically. It was so embarrassing. We skipped dessert and we all went home after the main course.

Ummm, what else? Oh, yeah, Jocasta leaving. So we went with her to the airport, even though we didn't have to, because Julian wanted to see her off and he wanted me to as well. So we get to LAX, and she's all ready to go through security. Julian's given her many hugs and kisses, even though they're sure to see each other in Suffolk really soon, and she starts walking away and says to me, "Oh, good-bye, Amanda. Lovely to see you." Amanda. That's Julian's ex's name. She knows what my name is; she has called me Amanda on more than one other occasion just to drive me crazy, I know it. I've mentioned it before to Julian, and he just laughs and says I'm imagining things. But I know I'm not.

AND we got the RFE done. It wasn't very hard -- we just photocopied pages from our passports to prove we were in each other's countries during the past two years, plus Julian brought proof that he had opened a joint account at Child & Co for us while I was living there in 2008. So off it went (express delivery) and I'm sure it will be enough. I think we should be getting our NOA2 soon!

So... the house! I don't have much to do with the sale at this point -- the lawyers really are taking care of everything. Julian gave me power of attorney for the sale and also over a few other affairs, and added me to one of his US accounts and one in the Caymans, so I can handle anything that needs doing. Hopefully everything will be worked out in the next month, and I can give notice and move! It will be weird living in a big house by myself (well, me and Tibbs) but Julian will be with me soon. It was just so AMAZING to have him with me, and to have the weekend to ourselves. It was SO HOT, and Julian said he couldn't stand not having "proper air con" so on Friday we moved over to the Langham too. Soooooo nice. We barely left the room, except for me to go take care of Tibbs, and to go to the spa. It was the perfect end to this visit.

Happy. Very happy.

Lots to catch up on

I'm just going to start off with a very brief statement: if you do not like what I write about or how I write it, no one is forcing you to read this blog. I never intended for you to read it anyway and if you leave I won't miss you. I won't even stoop to address some of the things you wrote about me, and Julian and my mother-in-law to be. That is all I will say about this. I had a therapy session this evening and we talked about this, and Joanna said that if I choose to keep blogging, I need to not let other people's lies to get to me.

So... a lot has happened since I last posted. I want to kind of do this in chronological order, even though obviously the big news is about the house. But if I write it as it happened, then it's easier for me to make sure I don't miss anything. So Monday, we met up with Jocasta at her suite at the Langham. I was really pretty nervous about going, not only because the last time I saw her was during a visit to London in March of 2009, when it still looked like Julian and I were getting married (I mean we still are, but the first time we were engaged). She's always been very cold with me, as I've mentioned before, but Julian says I'm just too sensitive and assume that what are jokes are actually insults. We were at dinner one night, at the family pied a terre, and when I ate my bread with butter, she said something like, "Melissa, how brave of you to eat butter like that, as if it were cheese. Of course you know your metabolism will change when you're 24, so best to break that habit now." I was only 2 months away from my 24th birthday and she knew it!

Anyway, we met up at the Langham, which I had heard about but never been to. My friends always stay on my couch if they're visiting from out of town, or at a Motel 6, or at my parents'. It is absolutely gorgeous -- here it is: http://pasadena.langhamhotels.com/ We had to get there pretty early because we were due to see all the houses in one day, since Jocasta said she needed to leave California by Thursday afternoon (which she has). Jocasta is... pretty much everything my mom isn't. My mom looks like a mom, like you can hug her and tell her your problems, and she'll listen to you. Jocasta is very thin and when I hug her it isn't very comfortable, unlike being in my mom's hug. I always feel like I might break her. But I hardly ever have to hug her anyway; she's much happier with a kiss on the cheek. She and Julian checked through the details of the houses while I poked around the grounds a little since it was a relatively cool morning. Julian called me on my cell and told me to come back, since the realtor was here now, and she was due to show us the houses.

It had been so long since I'd seen them, I'd almost forgotten what they were like. The first one we went to was the four bed I loved the best, with the Aga appliances, and all the original wood. Jocasta inspected every room, while Julian spoke to the realtor about the schools in this area, and crime rates, and things I hadn't even considered to ask. I was just focused on how the place felt. We all went to look at the kind of overgrown backyard, and Jocasta said what a charmingly rustic feel it all had, exactly the sort of project that would keep me busy. It was just the way she said it, maybe, but something about it made me feel trapped, like all I was good for was gardening and wasting time while Julian got to go out and be in the world. Also, I can't garden; we always had gardeners, like everyone else around here. I asked her about the inside, what did she think of the rooms, and weren't they gorgeous? She looked at me and said, "They're rather small. I suppose if they were all children's rooms, that would be one thing. But I know that it will be at least 5 years before you fill all three extra rooms, and you will need room for entertaining." 5 years? To have three children? I can't even think about that. We left after Jocasta grilled the realtor some more about the neighbors, and what sort of people they were like.

Next up was the five bed I also liked. Again, Jocasta spent a lot of time trying door handles and looking in closets and making comments about American wiring. Julian really liked that the studies were already set up, and he loved the master suite. He walked around with me this time, holding my hand and talking about it as if it were already our home, where he would put things, where we sleep, and eat, and live together. He was spinning a whole story for me and I just knew this was the one. I looked him straight in the eye and told him this is where I wanted to be. I didn't even want to look at the third. And if he trusted me and knew me, what I was about, he could see this is where he wanted to be too. I don't think I've ever seen him look at me the way he did then -- it was as if he finally felt connected to me as a wife, as a partner, and not just Melissa. Something about me had broken through him, through his often hard shell. It has happened many times before, that I get beyond the surface, but this time... there was something different. I guess he realized that this was it, the start of a new life, and having a happy wife was something he needed to have.

He called Jocasta and the realtor in and told them that this was it. He wasn't going to see the third. This was the house that made me happy, and my happiness was what was most important to him. Oh, and that he loved it too, that the studies were ideal, and the neighborhood (which is basically the same as the other one, just a little closer to Old Town) was acceptable. I kept my eye on Jocasta, who didn't look happy. At all. Her mouth was very, very tight. She asked the realtor if she would please excuse her and Julian, but they needed to have a private word. Jocasta stalked out of the kitchen, and Julian followed her to I guess one of the studies. I heard the door shut, not slammed, but shut firmly. I couldn't hear their voices but I knew this wasn't good. The realtor told me a bit more about schools, and how much more convenient it was for Old Town, and I told her I loved it and I wanted to be here. She said that she could see that Jocasta was hesitant, but that ultimately it was Julian and my house. I could have hugged her for that.

About ten minutes later, Julian and his mum walked into the kitchen. Julian was smiling, and Jocasta wasn't, which I figured was a good sign. He said that he wanted to make an offer on this house, and that he would need to speak with his lawyers here first, but that later today he would be in touch with a figure. I could hardly breathe! I hugged him, and he just looked down at me with the same look he had before. "Melissa, I am going to make you the happiest wife I can," he said to me. I know he means it. We ran around the house again, looking in the bathrooms and closets and everything. This was it! Our home at last. Jocasta was not happy, but it isn't her money anyway, it's his and will soon be ours.

Oh god, I am so tired and it's 2am and I haven't even gotten to Monday's dinner! I will really try to do all of this tomorrow -- I have the day off to go with Julian to sign some power of attorney thing at the lawyers that will let me act on his behalf while he's back in London. I don't really need the whole day off, but Julian is leaving on Monday and I want to spend a full day just with him. I had to go to work Tuesday, Wednesday and today, so I want to really maximize the time we have together. Luckily not too much happened on those days since they were mostly filled with me going to work, Julian taking care of things with his mother at the lawyers (more than just the house, they are trying to work out some tax structure that I couldn't understand), and then us seeing Jocasta for dinner and then coming back here to just be ourselves. So busy. But tonight we got to go out with Jen again, which was just as great as last time, and we went to 21 Choices. Even Julian likes 21 Choices!

Actually, huh, it looks like I just covered Tuesday through Thursday, so tomorrow I will write about our dinner, because it was not what I had hoped. Oh, and the RFE, which we sent off today! Hooray!

Quick post -- real post tomorrow

I am so tired and I have so much to write about, but the past two days have been incredibly busy. Julian's already passed out in my bed but I just wanted to say that I think we have decided on a house! So excited. Julian's going to see his lawyers tomorrow in Downtown LA -- they'll be handling everything for us.

Dinner was...interesting. I will have to write more about that tomorrow too. I know Jocasta is really trying to be nice to me. I think we have a lot of cultural differences that make it hard for us to understand each other. I know she means well and I know she loves Julian and just wants him to be happy.

Eeek -- I think I woke Julian up with my typing because he just called out from the bedroom for me to get back into bed. Well, that's not exactly what he said...! Oops. Can I just say how glad I am to see him?

Till tomorrow, everyone.

Not what I expected.

Julian is here now (he is asleep in the bedroom right now, so I am trying to be quiet typing). He came yesterday afternoon, and it was just about the most amazing thing to get to see him again, to be held by him again. When he came out of arrivals pushing his bags and looking a little lost and tired, I felt a rush through me, like the first time I realized I was attracted to him. He saw me and smiled, and waved a little, and I thought wow. This is really happening. And this is the last time he will come to America on the Visa Waiver Program. Next stop: K1! He just took me in his arms and held me tight, like he never wanted to let me go, and then took my face in his hands and smiled, then kissed me. He told me I was even more beautiful than he remembered, and how lucky he was to have me. I felt unbelievably light and happy. Like all of this is real.

He asked if we could get a porter for his bags, but I said no, I'd help push if he was tired. He said he had slept on the plane for about four hours, and that that was fairly easy in Business Class. He said First had been sold out when he booked the flight, but that Business was not too bad these days. We got to the Porsche and Julian checked it out a little (he did what he called a "proper" inspection of it today and said that although he was still disappointed I had not bought the Mercedes, that the Porsche was OK "for what it is"), then we loaded up the car and set off on the 110 for Pasadena. I had wanted the top down but Julian said that he didn't feel up to it just yet, and that on the freeway all the fumes might make him sick.

We got back around 5:30pm (I had had to wait for him to get through immigration; the good news was that they didn't even ask him to prove he had ties to the UK, he just had to wait in a really long line), and I ordered in some Chinese food since he loves the honey walnut shrimp from Go China. We just collapsed in a heap on the sofa while we waited, and he lay there with his head in my lap, snoozing a little while I just felt great. When the food came, I opened a bottle of wine (now I'm off the Klonopin I can) and we chatted a little about his flight and what we need to accomplish this week in terms of the house. When we couldn't manage any more food (I had way too much fried rice, I am not going to fit into my wedding dress if I keep eating like this), Julian asked if he could have a nap and I joined him. (lol)

We ended up getting out of bed again at around midnight, and we had a little more wine. We talked about Alex and how important it was for him that we get along again, and I said I was really trying, and Alex was too. I told him that Alex and I now talk about every other day for a few minutes, and that I'm slowly feeling like I can trust him again. J was very pleased to hear that. But I wasn't prepared for what Julian told me next at all. At all.

He kind of worked up to it this way. He said, "Melissa, there's something I need to tell you, and I probably should have told you before I got here. But I was so conscious of your delicate mental state that I felt I couldn't tell you, not when I couldn't be here." Uh oh, I thought. What is he going to tell me -- that he's secretly already married, that he wants me to move to England, what? And then he hit me with it.

"Melissa, I thought it would be useful for both of us to have additional help in our househunting, from someone who has done it more than once before." (OK, I thought, that leaves Alex out of it.) "I felt the best thing to do was to invite my mother to come and help us. She wants to help us get started on the right foot, and I think having her assistance will be extremely valuable."

Oh god. Jocasta. Jocasta? What do you mean, I asked him, your mother is coming? I don't have any space to put her up. I can't believe you didn't tell me! What am I supposed to do? I can't have her here to my apartment. She doesn't even LIKE me, and I told Julian that, but he told me I was just being silly, that his mother loved me like another daughter (not a compliment -- you should see the love she doesn't give to Julian's sister Annabelle) and that I would benefit from her help. And that she was arriving on Sunday night around 7pm, and going straight to the Langham so I wouldn't see her until Monday. Yes, tomorrow morning. I know he is doing this because he really thinks it will help, so I will try to get along with Jocasta for his sake. I don't have to like it.

I went back to sleep after this, and he stayed up and talked to his friend Jamie for a while. He eventually crawled back into bed around 5am. It was just so nice to be held again, and to wake up next to the man I love so much. I got up and tidied up a little, then called my parents to tell them Julian was safe and sound, and that we would be coming over for dinner that night as planned. I also told them about Jocasta and my mom was LIVID! She said, "How could Julian not tell you something as big as that beforehand?" I said it was because he was worried that I would react badly and he wouldn't be there to take care of me. She said she could understand that, but that I wasn't a little girl, and that he needed to treat me like a woman for a change. My dad was upset, but actually said he was looking forward to meeting "the famous Jocasta." I have a bad feeling about that. Their political beliefs are on opposite sides of the spectrum. I am going to have to ask him to behave.

Jen came over around noon (J was in the shower by that point) and the three of us went out to lunch (we had to take Jen's Prius) at Matsuri. Jen and Julian really get along, and we were all so relaxed I almost forgot all about Jocasta. I was just so happy to see Julian being himself, his real self, and seeing how people really can like him. After lunch J and I went back to the apartment and he took me for a ride on the 210 in the Porsche. It was a lot of fun, and we did get to have the top down. I felt just like I imagined it would be, with us just being HAPPY for a change. He complained a little about the sluggish automatic transmission, but he said he knew I couldn't drive stick.

We went to my parents' house for dinner at 7pm. Julian was on his best behavior and so were my parents. My mom really did look happy when she saw him, and he told her she was just as lovely as ever, and they even had a little hug. He shook my dad's hand, and told him how happy he was to be here with his daughter, and how proud he was to be making me his wife. We had a perfectly pleasant light dinner of sea bass and fennel, with apple pie for dessert (my favorite). My dad told some terrible jokes and my mom told us some really quite disgusting stories from work about people with broken limbs and blood everywhere. (Thanks, mom.)

We got back around midnight, after Julian and my dad had some whiskey in the living room. My mom and I talked about Jocasta while I helped clean up. She asked me how I really felt about it, and I said: scared. She told me that she didn't raise any chickens, just two beautiful daughters, and that if I was unhappy with anything Jocasta said to me, I should just say so. Ha! She doesn't know Jocasta, but I guess she will soon.

So tired, and I need to be up to meet Jocasta with Julian at 10am at the Langham, then on to view the properties. Big day, I'll need all the luck I can get.

RFE Blues.

I wanted to post yesterday about how I feel like I had a breakthrough with getting along with Alex. And then I got the worst news. I have been logging in to the USCIS website to get updates on our case, and there have been touches. Lots of them, as I said before. But this time, there was something new. We had an RFE, a Request for Evidence, just like I thought might happen. Everyone on VJ has been so nice about this, really supportive, telling me that it isn't the end of the world and it will only slow me down a few weeks.

I know they mean to cheer me up, but at this point a few weeks feels like a few YEARS.  We have taken so long just to get here, went through two break ups (one which I thought was for good), and some other difficult stuff. I have tried to stay cheerful and positive (especially on VJ, where I feel like people enjoy attacking each other) but it has been so hard and I have failed to stay optimistic. Repeatedly. First, I couldn't reach Julian. I tried calling him, texting him, emailing him, and I couldn't reach him. He hasn't been on VJ in days so I couldn't even count on him looking at my posts. I know he had a work thing to do last night (his time) so that was part of it. I just wanted him to tell me it was all going to be OK, that this was just a bump and anyway he is coming here in under two weeks.

I tried until midnight his time, and then he called me back at 7am his time. I hadn't said in any of my messages what this was all about, because I wanted him to hear it from me. He asked what was going on that I called him 16 times last night when he had made it clear that he was at a business dinner and that if there were any real emergencies I was supposed to call his mother. (Believe me, I thought of that, but I can't bring myself to call her if I can avoid it.) I told him I had some really bad news.

J: Melissa, darling. What is it? Who died?

M: Oh Julian, I've been so stupid. So incredibly stupid. At least I think it was me. Maybe. I don't know.

J: Calm down. What did you do? Please, please don't say this has anything to do with Sean.

M: No! It's just... oh, Julian! We got an RFE!

J: What's an RFE?

M: You said you read all the guides on VJ! Oh Julian, it means that my petition hasn't been approved! I must have forgotten to put something in the package and they can't approve anything until I fix it.

J: You told me that everyone gets approved. Everyone! What did you do wrong, Melissa? How could be so bloody STUPID? I can't believe this.

M: I didn't mean to! I checked everything six times!

J: Well, you should have checked it seven times. Or had me check everything before I left California. You were almost finished with putting things together at that point. I could have checked it for you, and made sure it was perfect. I cannot believe I trusted you to do this. My mother was right -- I should have hired a lawyer to do this, not indulged you and let you be in charge.

M: Julian, I'm so sorry --

J: And now we're caught up in this system! This bloody typical American bureaucracy, all the red tape that goes with anything having to do with the government. You would not believe the red tape we have to deal with whenever we do a deal over in the States. It's ridiculous. And now you have stuck ME in the red tape because you can't read directions! It's probably because I'm British -- they probably have some Yank mentality about how many British people are allowed in. And this BP palaver certainly can't be helping.

M: Julian, I'm sure it has nothing to do with BP!

J: Yes, I KNOW that, Melissa. So, what do I need to do to fix this new disaster of yours?

I explained that all we can do is wait until we get the paper notice, which we will hopefully get before the week is over. He told me he wanted to call USCIS and demand an explanation, but I said I thought he probably wouldn't get any info that way. He said he was going to try anyway. He said he was too angry to speak to me any further, and I went to bed feeling like I had really failed.

Today I have tried to think positively about all of this. I stayed away from VJ (mostly) because it is too painful to see everyone else getting approved without an RFE. Julian and I haven't spoken yet but he sent me an email telling me that he called USCIS and he couldn't get anything out of them.

So now we sit and wait. And wait. My doctor's appointment is on Thursday and it can't come too soon. Pat, my neighbour, offered to roll me a joint and I said yes. It's sitting on my table in front of me and I think I may just have to have it. I've already smoked a pack of cigarettes today (VERY bad) and I have had half a bottle of wine. So what. Maybe getting drunk and high is what I need right now. I'm already a complete fuck up, why not keep going?

Slow weekend.

Well, it's been a fairly quiet weekend for me, except for yesterday when I was watching the England-USA match with Julian. I mean, we were watching it in our separate apartments 6000 miles apart, but we were talking on Skype while it was going on. Julian is much more of a rugby fan, but he really wanted to see England "show the Yanks how it's done." He predicted that England would win 3-0, so when the US tied with England in the end he was pretty furious. He said that if, oh god, what was that American player's name, Altidore? If Altidore had scored, Julian would have refused to go on with the visa. I kind of laughed at that, and asked if he was kidding. He paused for a moment and said (in a very flat kind of voice), "Yes, Melissa. Of course I'm kidding." Phew!

Actually, it kind of worried me for a moment, because I think that he doesn't see his moving over here to be permanent. I mean, he sees being together with ME as being permanent, just I wonder if he sees being here in America to be permanent. He said this thing on VJ the other day, just kind of as an aside, that maybe we would move back to England someday. This is news to me! He agreed to come over here because he knew how unhappy I had been over there. I was re-reading the beginning of this blog the other day, and I noticed I said the six months I spent over there were fantastic, but they really weren't. I felt lonely and isolated and so far away from everyone I knew and loved. I really like some of the food over there -- I must have, I put on ten pounds from all the custard creams I ate -- and the clothes are SO much better than here, but I just couldn't connect with people. Especially the women. I don't know, they just always seemed to be so cold to me. I had issues with Minty even before I had to move out of our flat. Jocasta has always been rude to me, and clearly doesn't think I'm a suitable wife for Julian. Oh god, don't even get me started on Amanda, Julian's ex.... I think he wanted us to be friends, and I really tried to be nice to her every time we were both at a party together, but she just ignored me. Acted like I wasn't even there unless Julian was standing there too, in which case she was "ever so nice", commenting on how lovely my dress was, or asking if I liked living in Bristol (or in London, when we were living there in 2008). Then he'd walk away to get us drinks, and she would immediately turn her back on me to look at her phone, or just stare at me really intently. Then Julian would come back and act all pleased that we were getting along so well.

Every time I tried to tell Julian that I didn't think Amanda liked me very much, he would say I was being ridiculous, that she was obviously very fond of me and that it meant SO much to him that we were friends. So I really do try to be nice to her when I'm over there, but since I don't plan on being over there any time soon (I might try to go over when he has his interview, if we ever get our NOA2!) it's not really an issue. I don't know what it is in particular that Amanda doesn't like about me. I mean, she's about as attractive as me so it's probably not jealousy over how I look. She and Julian had been broken up for almost six months when I met him, so it's not like I "stole" him away from her. I will keep trying with her though for Julian's sake. I know he sees her occasionally because they both live in London. I once asked Julian why Alex didn't go out with her, since she really seems his type. Julian explained that Amanda and Alex did try to go out for a while but found they just couldn't commit to each other, so they "date" occasionally. "When the mood strikes them, or one of them," Julian explained. As I said about Rachel, I just don't understand these people who can't commit to one person and see multiple people at one time! It just seems so cheap. When I think about how deep my love is for Julian because we are committed to each other alone, and how that love makes me a better person (I hope) I just don't understand why other people don't want the same thing for themselves.

I did see a couple of other houses this weekend, one was a five bed which was GORGEOUS but when I showed Julian where it was on the map he said it was hardly going to be a move up the ladder from where I live now, so that's off the list. The second was an itty-bitty three bed Craftsman, perfect Pasadena, all the details original and perfectly (and it looked very expensively) restored. Julian was not so excited by this idea, even when I told him a little bit about the Arts and Crafts movement in Pasadena, and what an important part of our cultural heritage it is. He told me he knew perfectly well what the Arts and Crafts movement was, and hadn't we spent a good bit of time in Liberty looking at period furniture and discussing the origins of the movement? I kind of remember this; I was actually really itching to get to the women's clothing department. Anyway, I told him that I thought it would be amazing to get an old house like this, and he said, "Old? It was built in 1910. My parents' house in Suffolk was 200 years old when that shack was put up." But I did get him to say that having a showpiece of a home -- something really unusual -- might not be a bad idea as long as there was at least one more bedroom.

So that's about it for today from Planet Melissa (what Julian calls it sometimes when I ramble on a little too much). Time for a glass of wine and a wander through the channels. Sigh. I hope our NOA2 comes soon, because I can't wait to have my sweet love with me here.

Compromising

I'm sure you saw all the comments yesterday on my blog. 20 comments... I would be flattered if some of them weren't so hurtful. I won't even bother to touch the one that claimed I was Julian's "beard" and that Alex was his lover, which is so ridiculous considering that I have had sex with both of them and I know they are both straight. There isn't ANYTHING sexual in their friendship AT ALL.

And as for Alex's attacks on me, they aren't really even worth replying to or explaining, beyond saying that Alex is convinced that I am only marrying Julian for his money and that that is the big secret that will come out. He's already told Julian a million times, so it's not like there's anything earth-shattering about it. Maybe that will explain to people why it seems like Alex has this big secret he hasn't told J -- he has! He just doesn't care and doesn't think it's true. It'd be funny if it wasn't so annoying.

Getting on to more important matters, I spoke to Julian about my ideas, my new ideas to keep working and maybe delay having a baby. He was a little surprised at first, and a little hurt to think that I hadn't told him what I really wanted to do with my life. He said he thought we had agreed a long time ago, in fact when we got engaged the first time, that I would quit work after the wedding and help him get settled and then support him in his work once his EAD (work authorization) card came through. He said this was a bigger job than I might have thought, and that his mother had always been perfectly happy in her role as his father's spouse. I said I was really happy to be his wife and support him like that, but I wanted to keep working because I needed it to be my own self, and if I wasn't my own self, then eventually I wouldn't be the woman he was marrying!

He paused for a second and then started laughing, which I was pretty insulted by. How dare he? I was spilling out my soul to him and he was laughing? He said, "Oh Liss, you have such a charming turn of phrase sometimes. Of course I want you to stay you." He asked me what exactly it was that I planned to do. I said I wanted to take some time off around the wedding, maybe a day or two before the wedding, and then two weeks off for our honeymoon in St Barts. Then I wanted to return to work like normal, and keep working there until I have a child. Basically, I want my life to be like it is now but with him here. We can get a maid to come clean twice weekly and I can cook as often as I can during the week.

Also, I don't want to have a baby right away. I'm not ready for it emotionally and I feel like we need to spend more time as a couple together before bringing a third person into this relationship. There are a lot of things I want to do with him before I have a child. I said I really do want to have a baby, maybe in a couple of years, but not right away. I said I knew this totally went against everything we agreed on back in late 2008 when we got engaged, but I was only 23 then and didn't realise how much I liked working since I hadn't even started at my job yet. I could tell he was angry at this point and no longer amused by what I had to say, because he was very quiet. He always gets really quiet when he's upset with me. I think he realized I was serious. So I asked him what he thought of my plan.

J: Melissa, when you agreed to marry me you also agreed to several conditions, didn't you?

M: Yes, Julian. But things have changed! I have changed!

J: But I haven't. Isn't it enough that I have gone along with your ridiculous requests -- to move to the States, to have the reception at your parents' house instead of the Huntington --

M: But that's always been my dream!

J: Your dream, Melissa, not mine. And as for your refusal to sign a pre-nup... My solicitors and my parents think I'm insane to marry you without one. But we won't have one as a sign of my commitment to you. Where is your commitment to me? I make a few small requests and you consent to them and then you turn around and say you don't "feel like it" anymore? Is that what you'll say to me five years from now about our marriage, that you don't "feel like it" anymore? Marriage is a commitment, Melissa.

M: And I'm ready to make it! I just want to be the best wife I could ever be for you. And I don't think I can do that if I'm not working.

J: My mother is perfectly happy not working. She raised Annabel and I, which was a big task in itself. She keeps the houses running and she helps my father in whatever way she can.

M: But she's old! I mean, from a different generation. And she never worked, not even before she married your dad. And she's not American! Maybe we do things differently, I don't know.

J: Melissa, this has nothing to do with my mother. This has everything to do with what you want to do. I will listen to you, so make it clear to me what you want.

M: I want to keep working and I don't want a child right away.

He didn't answer right away, which made me nervous. He told me he needed to take care of a call, and he would call me back within the hour, which I spent nervously waiting for him to call back. When he did, he had a proposition for me: how would I feel about working part-time? I couldn't believe it -- he was actually meeting me halfway! A real compromise! I feel so much like my new attitude about being assertive and acting like an adult is finally paying off.

I told him I would speak to John about this. I think he will probably be pretty happy to do that, because he already knew he was going to lose me later this year and he wasn't really that okay with me leaving because of how things are going with the Dutch client. But I'm thinking I will say something like (and Julian and I have come up with this plan) what if I just handle the one account with Marijke and the Dutch and nothing else? It takes up half my time anyway.

And as for the baby, he said we will see what life brings us. We don't need to start straight away, but if we're lucky enough to be blessed early on, we should realize it for the gift that a baby will be. I looked at that house yesterday -- yuck. Big enough, but the swimming pool was like a hole in the ground. But I really liked the realtor and she is setting up two nice 4 beds for me to look at tomorrow afternoon. Can't wait!

Stupid webinars

I had wanted to post something about the horrible little comment Alex left on my last post. I will certainly post about it later today. It's 12.22am here and I am on a stupid webinar about Asia. I drew the short straw so here I am, in my pajamas and eating ice cream, listening to people drone on about the main office's plans to expand in Hong Kong. And all the while his stupid comment is eating me up. How dare he?

Oh god, someone just asked me a question there. I realized just in time and was able to give a sort of answer. I was far away, thinking about Alex. Why can't he just let us be? It's 8.35am now in London and I have a real mind to call him when I'm done here. I want some answers from him, since Julian sent me an email an hour ago telling me not to call after my webinar, since I won't be done until at least 9am his time, and he is going to be in a meeting from then until 1pm, some emergency board meeting.

If I can stay up I am going to call Alex and tell him to leave me alone. I know he's still holding stuff against me from our time in Bristol, all that silly stuff about Miranda. It was so long ago. I doubt that's everything. I know he sees me as a bubble-headed waste of space, or some social-climber just after Julian's money. I don't CARE about Julian's money. I know there are plenty of women who would just see Julian as just one big pound sign, but I really don't give a damn about it at all. If anything, it seems like it's a bigger hassle than I want to deal with most of the time. His parents have all these expectations of me -- especially the one about having a son, which makes me feel like I'm in some Victorian novel. One of the reasons I want to be here in America and not there in England is that over here I won't have to be some stupid society hostess, throwing dinner parties and going to balls. I went to plenty of these stupid charity events during the six months I was there. They were so boring, and I always got stuck sitting next to a horrible old man who spent half the time spooning food into his mustache and the other half staring down my dress. Jocasta, Julian's mum, always did a debrief after these events, telling me where I had fallen short and how to improve since some day I was going to have to host one of these things. And during the events, she would hover nearby to make sure I didn't say something embarrassing. If I did, she would actually come close and put her arm around me and then pinch me!

I think this webinar is drawing to a close, thank god. Almost 1am and I am exhausted. But I am going to call Alex if I can stay awake. I hate Alex. I just hate him.

New car? New car!

So Julian and I have been discussing the state of my car recently. I have a 1997 Nissan Sentra, which I've had since I left for college. It's not bad for a 13 year old car, I think. Nothing really catastrophic has gone wrong with it, except for the air conditioning dying on a road trip back from Vegas. In August. I get the oil changed regularly and mind the tire pressures, and always keep the fluids topped up. The paint is pretty terrible -- like a lot of cars out here in the Valley, the clear coat has peeled away on the horizontal surfaces and there is a gigantic scratch down the passenger side. But there is nothing wrong with the car mechanically, and I have never seen the point in replacing it because I am actually really fond of him. (Yes, he's a him. His name is Nick.)

Julian... let's just say he is not so fond of Nick. Julian showed up very dramatically on my doorstep on January 2nd unannounced and looking to win me back after the tough times we had in 2009. (It worked.) Since he had never driven in America before, never even been to anywhere in America besides New York a few times, he hadn't rented a car so we used my Sentra. Since we didn't actually leave the house for a couple of days after he arrived (*blush*), he didn't have the chance to see my car until the 4th or 5th, I forget which. Anyway, he said, "Are you kidding me? You drive THAT?" I said there was nothing wrong with Nick, he was just a little old and worn at the edges. Julian said that no wife of his -- and at this point he hadn't proposed (for the second time round), so I got all goose-pimply -- would be seen dead driving in a beater like that.  Why didn't I take better care of it? Why did I leave all those bags and empty soda cans in it? Why did I appear to have an entire year's worth of Glamour magazine stored in there?

I felt kind of defensive about it at first. This was MY car that I paid for out of MY money. I had saved up for two years after I got my license to buy a car. It was only 6 years old then and it still looked pretty great. My parents aren't exactly poor, but they made it clear to my sister and me that we were going to need to earn the big purchases in our lives. I'm a little better than my older sister at not complaining about that! (Sorry Rachel -- it's true!) I'm proud of the many hours I spent working at the Gap to earn the money.

Julian always seemed to be needling me to think about upgrading Nick. It makes me still kind of sad to think about losing my trusty steed, which took me to college and back, and even up to Seattle once when I was dating a guy who had relocated there and I was thinking about going there too. However, once we got engaged, J became pretty adamant that his wife would not be seen driving something so "pedestrian" as a Nissan Sentra. (lol) I was worth so much more than that, and it would reflect poorly on him too if he had something new and I was still with Nick, like I wasn't worth anything more. So he has decided to wire me the money for a new car. Wow! He thinks I should get a Mercedes -- wow! I can't believe I'm going to have a brand-new car and it's going to be a Mercedes!

So after a while looking at all the info online, I am going to test drive the GLK350. It's a compact SUV. J wanted me to consider one of the more luxurious SUVs but I think the GLK is fancy enough for me! He spent a lot of time researching the model and he feels comfortable with it. He's given me a LOT of advice about how to behave at the car lot, and he's already called the dealership to tell them I'm coming in and that I am only interested in looking at the GLKs, and that I am a cash buyer who does not want her time wasted. I am so excited!

But then... it always seems to be coming back to money these days. Sigh. I'm not doing too badly in my job, and feel like I'm making a respectable wage for someone my age and experience. My little apartment is cozy and quirkily furnished and I go out to some decent restaurants, bars and clubs. But it's... well, it's nothing compared to Julian's family and sometimes I feel the weight of expectations. His mother doesn't seem to like me very much, although J always says that I'm just being overly sensitive. She is still pushing for us to do a pre-nup -- "Just look at that Paul McCartney! He wouldn't do a pre-nuptial agreement and now look where he is! How do you know Melissa won't do a Heather Mills on you!" she said to Julian. In front of me. J is refusing to sign one, and although I won't say a word to his mum about it, I'm glad he's standing up to her. The fact that we are now on our second round of engagement makes her even more suspicious of me, like I'm only after J for the money, and that somehow I charmed him back so I could get my hands on their money, when he was the one who came back to me.

She has said some truly unbelievable things to me in the past. One time, when we were in her kitchen and I was slicing some bread for a sandwich, she said, "Melissa, you do have rather fat calves for someone your size don't you?" I didn't know what to say. Once she came over to our house in Suffolk (I think of it as our house even though it's Julian's really) when he was out; we used to go to the house about once every other weekend for some quieter living than we got in London. I was sorting laundry and she offered to help fold, which I thought was so kind and maybe even a peace gesture. Instead, she looked at the label inside one of my skirts and said "Size 2? Really? I heard they did vanity sizing in the States and now I believe it." Julian said this was his mother's idea of a joke and I was supposed to have laughed. I was so shocked that I just kept folding.

Oh god, I don't seem to be able to shut up in these posts! I guess I should have been blogging for years! So... yay! New car!