Well, it's been a fairly quiet weekend for me, except for yesterday when I was watching the England-USA match with Julian. I mean, we were watching it in our separate apartments 6000 miles apart, but we were talking on Skype while it was going on. Julian is much more of a rugby fan, but he really wanted to see England "show the Yanks how it's done." He predicted that England would win 3-0, so when the US tied with England in the end he was pretty furious. He said that if, oh god, what was that American player's name, Altidore? If Altidore had scored, Julian would have refused to go on with the visa. I kind of laughed at that, and asked if he was kidding. He paused for a moment and said (in a very flat kind of voice), "Yes, Melissa. Of course I'm kidding." Phew!
Actually, it kind of worried me for a moment, because I think that he doesn't see his moving over here to be permanent. I mean, he sees being together with ME as being permanent, just I wonder if he sees being here in America to be permanent. He said this thing on VJ the other day, just kind of as an aside, that maybe we would move back to England someday. This is news to me! He agreed to come over here because he knew how unhappy I had been over there. I was re-reading the beginning of this blog the other day, and I noticed I said the six months I spent over there were fantastic, but they really weren't. I felt lonely and isolated and so far away from everyone I knew and loved. I really like some of the food over there -- I must have, I put on ten pounds from all the custard creams I ate -- and the clothes are SO much better than here, but I just couldn't connect with people. Especially the women. I don't know, they just always seemed to be so cold to me. I had issues with Minty even before I had to move out of our flat. Jocasta has always been rude to me, and clearly doesn't think I'm a suitable wife for Julian. Oh god, don't even get me started on Amanda, Julian's ex.... I think he wanted us to be friends, and I really tried to be nice to her every time we were both at a party together, but she just ignored me. Acted like I wasn't even there unless Julian was standing there too, in which case she was "ever so nice", commenting on how lovely my dress was, or asking if I liked living in Bristol (or in London, when we were living there in 2008). Then he'd walk away to get us drinks, and she would immediately turn her back on me to look at her phone, or just stare at me really intently. Then Julian would come back and act all pleased that we were getting along so well.
Every time I tried to tell Julian that I didn't think Amanda liked me very much, he would say I was being ridiculous, that she was obviously very fond of me and that it meant SO much to him that we were friends. So I really do try to be nice to her when I'm over there, but since I don't plan on being over there any time soon (I might try to go over when he has his interview, if we ever get our NOA2!) it's not really an issue. I don't know what it is in particular that Amanda doesn't like about me. I mean, she's about as attractive as me so it's probably not jealousy over how I look. She and Julian had been broken up for almost six months when I met him, so it's not like I "stole" him away from her. I will keep trying with her though for Julian's sake. I know he sees her occasionally because they both live in London. I once asked Julian why Alex didn't go out with her, since she really seems his type. Julian explained that Amanda and Alex did try to go out for a while but found they just couldn't commit to each other, so they "date" occasionally. "When the mood strikes them, or one of them," Julian explained. As I said about Rachel, I just don't understand these people who can't commit to one person and see multiple people at one time! It just seems so cheap. When I think about how deep my love is for Julian because we are committed to each other alone, and how that love makes me a better person (I hope) I just don't understand why other people don't want the same thing for themselves.
I did see a couple of other houses this weekend, one was a five bed which was GORGEOUS but when I showed Julian where it was on the map he said it was hardly going to be a move up the ladder from where I live now, so that's off the list. The second was an itty-bitty three bed Craftsman, perfect Pasadena, all the details original and perfectly (and it looked very expensively) restored. Julian was not so excited by this idea, even when I told him a little bit about the Arts and Crafts movement in Pasadena, and what an important part of our cultural heritage it is. He told me he knew perfectly well what the Arts and Crafts movement was, and hadn't we spent a good bit of time in Liberty looking at period furniture and discussing the origins of the movement? I kind of remember this; I was actually really itching to get to the women's clothing department. Anyway, I told him that I thought it would be amazing to get an old house like this, and he said, "Old? It was built in 1910. My parents' house in Suffolk was 200 years old when that shack was put up." But I did get him to say that having a showpiece of a home -- something really unusual -- might not be a bad idea as long as there was at least one more bedroom.
So that's about it for today from Planet Melissa (what Julian calls it sometimes when I ramble on a little too much). Time for a glass of wine and a wander through the channels. Sigh. I hope our NOA2 comes soon, because I can't wait to have my sweet love with me here.
Showing posts with label England. Show all posts
Showing posts with label England. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
The big surprise!
What a busy weekend this has been for me! I have today off, and I am spending some time just lazing around the apartment and going online to look at wedding things and… okay, I found out what Julian’s big surprise was! So so so so so excited. He wants me to start looking for a house for us right now. Although I told him my idea about renting a place until we could choose together, he said he would rather have a house, our house ready for him by the time he arrives. So what I have to do is start looking online, and any house I like the look of I send on to him so he can get an idea of what is out there. And… once we find one we like, or even better a few we like, he is coming out here to complete the purchase. My own house! I could be out of my little apartment in only a couple of months, I can’t even believe it.
Julian said once the sale is complete, I can start decorating it too. I guess I’ll have to ask Rachel to help me, since I’m the only one of the two of us who has an actual job, and I don’t know how I can plan a wedding and decorate a house while still going to work. I keep wondering if I wouldn’t be better off quitting my job sooner rather than later, since there is going to be so much work just doing the other stuff. But since Rachel spends her days at Starbucks working on her “screenplay” and since she has a pretty good sense of style (I have almost none, I mean, I can appreciate what other people do and I like it when it’s done well but I can’t figure out throw pillows or things like that) I think she would be a good choice. Also, I feel bad that I didn’t ask her to be in my wedding party, but I felt (and I am going to sound so petty) that even if I put her in the ugliest bridesmaid dress ever, she would still look more amazing than me. And choosing an ugly bridesmaid dress just to irritate my sister would be really unfair to the other bridesmaids.
And really that is what my life has ALWAYS been like – coming in second to Rachel. Not only did she always get to do almost everything first because she’s 2 years older than me, she just always looked better doing it. I know I’ve got a pretty face and a nice enough body, but compared to her, pffffft. She used to tease me when I was 14 and she was 16 because my chest hadn’t grown yet, and of course she got the gift of natural double Ds and at that point I was still just an A. I mean, they DID grow that year, and I’m happy enough with them, but it’s just not fair that Rachel is SO much prettier than me. I know I sound like I’m 16 when I say that, but I still feel it.
I’m also a total klutz and am always knocking things over and Rachel might have had a career in ballet when she was younger had she not gotten so tall and developed. Julian is always telling me to be careful around breakable things because I am always falling into things and upsetting tables and bumping my head on things. My legs always have little cuts and scratches on them where I catch myself on something. It’s kind of embarrassing. God, what else? Well, she can drive stick shift, which is pretty cool and I have always wanted to do but as Julian says, I have a hard enough time riding a bicycle in a straight line. It will probably never happen for me.
But there are a lot of things that I like better about me than her. First of all, she is kind of promiscuous. Unlike me, she has a hard time committing to one guy and she seems not to see any problem with sleeping with one guy while she is sleeping with another. She doesn’t seem to have any one boyfriend at all, but several guys she just calls up when she’s bored. I’ve been with Julian for over three years, even if we did have a couple of breaks along the way. With the exception of Alex and Noah, the guy who moved to Seattle who I dated for a while last year when J and I were on a break, I have only been with Julian since October 2006. And even then, it wasn’t like I was having sex with Noah and then calling up his best friend to set up a date. I didn’t even LIKE Seth, Noah’s best friend and his bandmate. Because Rachel is “seeing” two guys who are friends at the same time! Yuck. I mean, I told her that this was kind of gross, but then she tried to throw it back in my face, and said I had done exactly the same thing with J and Alex, which is totally untrue. I wasn’t seeing them at the same time, god.
And also, as I think I mentioned before, the one thing I was always better at than her was school. Not that she ever showed that she was jealous of my success. I was a National Merit Scholarship semi-finalist and she just said, “Am I wrong, or a semi-finalist isn’t as good as a winner, right?” She managed to go to college – just – and as far as I’m concerned it was a HUGE waste of my parents’ money. She nearly flunked out every term, and it took her an extra year to graduate. At least I had enough class not to tease her about that.
And then there’s this other thing. I suppose it’s really stupid but it just bothers me. We have the same waxer at this salon we both go to, Sveta or something. She’s really, really good, but she is chatty, and sometimes brutal (I mean in terms of what she says, not the waxing). The last time I was there, she told me that I was waiting too long between waxes, not like Rachel, who is there at the first sign of a hair. I can’t even get waxing right compared to Rachel. And then Sveta asked me why I didn’t get a full Brazilian like Rachel; ewwww. First off, I don’t need to know what my sister is getting done down there, and second, I just don’t think it’s very ladylike to have that done to you. Maybe I’m a bit old-fashioned like that, but just no.
God, this post was supposed to be about my househunting, but I seem to have wandered away from that. Which is actually okay because I haven’t really started yet – I need to find a zip code map somewhere so I can narrow down the search. I want at least three bedrooms, central air, some backyard, and a garage. I’m focusing on Pasadena, but I might look a little bit further out too. I mean, the real reason I’m here is because Jen and Jenn moved here, and I wanted to be near them. Now that I’m getting married, and Jenn isn’t even speaking to me, it doesn’t seem like such a big deal. I mean, I love Pasadena and I am so attached to it, but if I can’t find something that Julian likes here then that’s okay. I mean, he’s the one who is giving up SO much to come to live with me. I love England, but I can’t live there. I have done two winters there (or 1 and a half) and I just can’t do it. Plus I just miss my friends so much when I’m there, and English women seem so cold. I couldn’t make any female friends when I was there. The men were fine, though.
So househunting! I’ll see if I can post links to houses as I find them. SO excited I can barely believe it! AND I get to see Julian! I can’t wait!
Julian said once the sale is complete, I can start decorating it too. I guess I’ll have to ask Rachel to help me, since I’m the only one of the two of us who has an actual job, and I don’t know how I can plan a wedding and decorate a house while still going to work. I keep wondering if I wouldn’t be better off quitting my job sooner rather than later, since there is going to be so much work just doing the other stuff. But since Rachel spends her days at Starbucks working on her “screenplay” and since she has a pretty good sense of style (I have almost none, I mean, I can appreciate what other people do and I like it when it’s done well but I can’t figure out throw pillows or things like that) I think she would be a good choice. Also, I feel bad that I didn’t ask her to be in my wedding party, but I felt (and I am going to sound so petty) that even if I put her in the ugliest bridesmaid dress ever, she would still look more amazing than me. And choosing an ugly bridesmaid dress just to irritate my sister would be really unfair to the other bridesmaids.
And really that is what my life has ALWAYS been like – coming in second to Rachel. Not only did she always get to do almost everything first because she’s 2 years older than me, she just always looked better doing it. I know I’ve got a pretty face and a nice enough body, but compared to her, pffffft. She used to tease me when I was 14 and she was 16 because my chest hadn’t grown yet, and of course she got the gift of natural double Ds and at that point I was still just an A. I mean, they DID grow that year, and I’m happy enough with them, but it’s just not fair that Rachel is SO much prettier than me. I know I sound like I’m 16 when I say that, but I still feel it.
I’m also a total klutz and am always knocking things over and Rachel might have had a career in ballet when she was younger had she not gotten so tall and developed. Julian is always telling me to be careful around breakable things because I am always falling into things and upsetting tables and bumping my head on things. My legs always have little cuts and scratches on them where I catch myself on something. It’s kind of embarrassing. God, what else? Well, she can drive stick shift, which is pretty cool and I have always wanted to do but as Julian says, I have a hard enough time riding a bicycle in a straight line. It will probably never happen for me.
But there are a lot of things that I like better about me than her. First of all, she is kind of promiscuous. Unlike me, she has a hard time committing to one guy and she seems not to see any problem with sleeping with one guy while she is sleeping with another. She doesn’t seem to have any one boyfriend at all, but several guys she just calls up when she’s bored. I’ve been with Julian for over three years, even if we did have a couple of breaks along the way. With the exception of Alex and Noah, the guy who moved to Seattle who I dated for a while last year when J and I were on a break, I have only been with Julian since October 2006. And even then, it wasn’t like I was having sex with Noah and then calling up his best friend to set up a date. I didn’t even LIKE Seth, Noah’s best friend and his bandmate. Because Rachel is “seeing” two guys who are friends at the same time! Yuck. I mean, I told her that this was kind of gross, but then she tried to throw it back in my face, and said I had done exactly the same thing with J and Alex, which is totally untrue. I wasn’t seeing them at the same time, god.
And also, as I think I mentioned before, the one thing I was always better at than her was school. Not that she ever showed that she was jealous of my success. I was a National Merit Scholarship semi-finalist and she just said, “Am I wrong, or a semi-finalist isn’t as good as a winner, right?” She managed to go to college – just – and as far as I’m concerned it was a HUGE waste of my parents’ money. She nearly flunked out every term, and it took her an extra year to graduate. At least I had enough class not to tease her about that.
And then there’s this other thing. I suppose it’s really stupid but it just bothers me. We have the same waxer at this salon we both go to, Sveta or something. She’s really, really good, but she is chatty, and sometimes brutal (I mean in terms of what she says, not the waxing). The last time I was there, she told me that I was waiting too long between waxes, not like Rachel, who is there at the first sign of a hair. I can’t even get waxing right compared to Rachel. And then Sveta asked me why I didn’t get a full Brazilian like Rachel; ewwww. First off, I don’t need to know what my sister is getting done down there, and second, I just don’t think it’s very ladylike to have that done to you. Maybe I’m a bit old-fashioned like that, but just no.
God, this post was supposed to be about my househunting, but I seem to have wandered away from that. Which is actually okay because I haven’t really started yet – I need to find a zip code map somewhere so I can narrow down the search. I want at least three bedrooms, central air, some backyard, and a garage. I’m focusing on Pasadena, but I might look a little bit further out too. I mean, the real reason I’m here is because Jen and Jenn moved here, and I wanted to be near them. Now that I’m getting married, and Jenn isn’t even speaking to me, it doesn’t seem like such a big deal. I mean, I love Pasadena and I am so attached to it, but if I can’t find something that Julian likes here then that’s okay. I mean, he’s the one who is giving up SO much to come to live with me. I love England, but I can’t live there. I have done two winters there (or 1 and a half) and I just can’t do it. Plus I just miss my friends so much when I’m there, and English women seem so cold. I couldn’t make any female friends when I was there. The men were fine, though.
So househunting! I’ll see if I can post links to houses as I find them. SO excited I can barely believe it! AND I get to see Julian! I can’t wait!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Some new ideas, some old ones too,
What a miserable day it was here today. I had to be at work by 7am to be on a conference call with London, which meant I had to be in the office at 6:30, which meant I needed to leave the house at 5:45, which meant my alarm was set for 4:30. And because I couldn't get to sleep last night until almost 3am, it meant that I am operating on a little over an hour and a half of sleep. It was such an early start that I actually woke Tibbs up for a change, and not the other way around.
It did mean though that I could call Julian earlier in the day and we talked while I was on my way to work. He's often not so crazy about me talking while driving, but I do use a Bluetooth headset now so I'm at least not going to get a ticket! My friend Alicia got ticketed the other month for talking without a headset, but then she was pretty stupid about it -- she has a convertible and the top was down, and she pulled up next to a police car right outside the Wiltern! Whenever I think I'm an idiot about something, I remember Alicia's ticket. Anyway, we had a chance to catch up after having a kind of a weird day yesterday. I'm sure some of the people reading this will know what I'm talking about, but Julian got in several disagreements with people on Visa Journey, and he ended up pissing a lot of people off, including some of the people who have been on there a very long time.
So I talked to him for a while this morning about what he felt about it all, and whether he would go back on VJ anytime soon. He said that on one level he was happy to leave me to all the immigration process, as long as I made sure to double-check on the advice I was getting and run any forms by him. On another level, he felt duty-bound to go back and defend me against people who had attacked him and by extension me as well. I don't know whether it is a good thing for him to go back so soon, when he's been labeled a cheater, a drug addict, stuck up, arrogant, etc. And I don't know how good it makes me look when he's in there and arguing with people.
One of the hardest things has been hearing people say things about Julian that just aren't true! The post I took down... let's just say that Julian explained it very clearly to me and in a way that makes me feel sure that it was a stupid joke that he and Alex and their friends got up to when they were drunk. I know in my heart Julian would NEVER cheat on me. He has made it clear time and time again that the only woman he wants in his heart and his life is me, and he would never do anything to let me go again. Whatever Alex chooses to do is his own choice; Julian's choice is to keep me, and keep me close this time.
I spoke to Alex -- it was the first time since I had left England at the very beginning of 2009. I can't say that I had missed the sound of his voice. It is so strange how someone that once meant so much to you can slip into the role of your own personal villain. Because a villain is what Alex seems like to me, and has seemed like to me ever since the day he told me he didn't love me and denied he had ever loved me. What makes a person change like that? I have spent a lot of time, too much time probably, trying to figure out why Alex turned his back on me like that. I mean, I'm totally glad he did, because if he hadn't I would never have gone back to Julian and we wouldn't be getting married. I think I could have understood it more if he had been indifferent to me, but he has spent so much time and energy trying to keep me away from Julian, like there's some gigantic reason I shouldn't be with J. Julian explains it away over and over that it's just Alex worried about his best mate moving 6000 miles away. I don't really know if this is true, but it's what I have to go with.
So I spoke to Alex, yes. It was such a weird feeling to speak to him after all this time, and with so much bad between us. I could tell he wasn't thrilled to speak with me, and that he was only doing this because Julian had asked him to as a special favor. He didn't spend a lot of time catching up with me, although I tried to, and asked how his work was ("hard"), how his dog was doing ("fine") and how Julian seemed to him ("bloody tired of all of this ridiculous photo business, Melissa, so let's do this, shall we?"). He told me the story as he saw it, and without going into details, it not only backed up what J had said but it made me feel better because having someone else say it to me seems to make it more real. What happened was stupid, but it was a drunken mistake among friends. And no worse, Alex said, than me waking up in my ex-boyfriend's bed (couch, I reminded him, it was his couch), and probably not even as bad as that as the photos at least showed that nothing bad had happened, unlike me, who couldn't remember what had happened with Sean. It was totally unfair of him, and I told him so.
I asked him why he would do something so hurtful to me, to send me a picture that seemed to show my fiance doing something that would hurt my feelings. "Melissa, I think you know I don't like you. I don't think I have ever really liked you. I think Julian is making the biggest mistake of his life in marrying you and leaving this country. Is it that hard for you to understand why I did what I did?" That hurt so much, I started to cry a little, but silently as possible. I asked him if he had lied when he had told me he had loved me. He said, "I told you I loved you because I thought it would keep you with me a little longer. Whatever I may think of you as a partner for my best friend, and as a person, you are still the best fuck I've ever had. I have to go now. Good luck."
I feel empty and tired. I think I'll have a glass of wine and go to bed. I wanted to post about my new idea for this blog that I am SO excited about, but I'm too exhausted to mention it now. Okay, maybe just a little. I'm thinking about doing a video blog, a vblog I think it's called, so I can vent a little in my own actual voice, and not just these words here on the screen. It's just an idea right now, but I might do one soon as a test. Excited! But tired.
It did mean though that I could call Julian earlier in the day and we talked while I was on my way to work. He's often not so crazy about me talking while driving, but I do use a Bluetooth headset now so I'm at least not going to get a ticket! My friend Alicia got ticketed the other month for talking without a headset, but then she was pretty stupid about it -- she has a convertible and the top was down, and she pulled up next to a police car right outside the Wiltern! Whenever I think I'm an idiot about something, I remember Alicia's ticket. Anyway, we had a chance to catch up after having a kind of a weird day yesterday. I'm sure some of the people reading this will know what I'm talking about, but Julian got in several disagreements with people on Visa Journey, and he ended up pissing a lot of people off, including some of the people who have been on there a very long time.
So I talked to him for a while this morning about what he felt about it all, and whether he would go back on VJ anytime soon. He said that on one level he was happy to leave me to all the immigration process, as long as I made sure to double-check on the advice I was getting and run any forms by him. On another level, he felt duty-bound to go back and defend me against people who had attacked him and by extension me as well. I don't know whether it is a good thing for him to go back so soon, when he's been labeled a cheater, a drug addict, stuck up, arrogant, etc. And I don't know how good it makes me look when he's in there and arguing with people.
One of the hardest things has been hearing people say things about Julian that just aren't true! The post I took down... let's just say that Julian explained it very clearly to me and in a way that makes me feel sure that it was a stupid joke that he and Alex and their friends got up to when they were drunk. I know in my heart Julian would NEVER cheat on me. He has made it clear time and time again that the only woman he wants in his heart and his life is me, and he would never do anything to let me go again. Whatever Alex chooses to do is his own choice; Julian's choice is to keep me, and keep me close this time.
I spoke to Alex -- it was the first time since I had left England at the very beginning of 2009. I can't say that I had missed the sound of his voice. It is so strange how someone that once meant so much to you can slip into the role of your own personal villain. Because a villain is what Alex seems like to me, and has seemed like to me ever since the day he told me he didn't love me and denied he had ever loved me. What makes a person change like that? I have spent a lot of time, too much time probably, trying to figure out why Alex turned his back on me like that. I mean, I'm totally glad he did, because if he hadn't I would never have gone back to Julian and we wouldn't be getting married. I think I could have understood it more if he had been indifferent to me, but he has spent so much time and energy trying to keep me away from Julian, like there's some gigantic reason I shouldn't be with J. Julian explains it away over and over that it's just Alex worried about his best mate moving 6000 miles away. I don't really know if this is true, but it's what I have to go with.
So I spoke to Alex, yes. It was such a weird feeling to speak to him after all this time, and with so much bad between us. I could tell he wasn't thrilled to speak with me, and that he was only doing this because Julian had asked him to as a special favor. He didn't spend a lot of time catching up with me, although I tried to, and asked how his work was ("hard"), how his dog was doing ("fine") and how Julian seemed to him ("bloody tired of all of this ridiculous photo business, Melissa, so let's do this, shall we?"). He told me the story as he saw it, and without going into details, it not only backed up what J had said but it made me feel better because having someone else say it to me seems to make it more real. What happened was stupid, but it was a drunken mistake among friends. And no worse, Alex said, than me waking up in my ex-boyfriend's bed (couch, I reminded him, it was his couch), and probably not even as bad as that as the photos at least showed that nothing bad had happened, unlike me, who couldn't remember what had happened with Sean. It was totally unfair of him, and I told him so.
I asked him why he would do something so hurtful to me, to send me a picture that seemed to show my fiance doing something that would hurt my feelings. "Melissa, I think you know I don't like you. I don't think I have ever really liked you. I think Julian is making the biggest mistake of his life in marrying you and leaving this country. Is it that hard for you to understand why I did what I did?" That hurt so much, I started to cry a little, but silently as possible. I asked him if he had lied when he had told me he had loved me. He said, "I told you I loved you because I thought it would keep you with me a little longer. Whatever I may think of you as a partner for my best friend, and as a person, you are still the best fuck I've ever had. I have to go now. Good luck."
I feel empty and tired. I think I'll have a glass of wine and go to bed. I wanted to post about my new idea for this blog that I am SO excited about, but I'm too exhausted to mention it now. Okay, maybe just a little. I'm thinking about doing a video blog, a vblog I think it's called, so I can vent a little in my own actual voice, and not just these words here on the screen. It's just an idea right now, but I might do one soon as a test. Excited! But tired.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Drinks at the Snug
Wow! What a great evening with Maven (I kept calling her elmcitymaven on VJ, but she told me people refer to her as Maven on VJ). I promised I would keep her real name off of here so she will be Maven from now on. We ended up not going to the Blue Room after all, but to the Snug on Magnolia, because Maven said she got a little paranoid that I had posted on my blog (she is one of my readers!) that we were going to the Blue Room; she said you never know who reads these things. Not that she thought she or I would have a stalker, she said, but you never know how crazy people can be. Not a problem, except neither of us had ever been to the Snug, so we had no idea what to expect! It was a little loud later on, but we could hear each other pretty well.
Anyway, I wasn't sure what it would be like to meet someone from VJ, and I guess I kind of did think about what Julian said about people not being who they say they are on the internet, but Maven is a lot like what she really IS like on VJ, except she can swear (censored out on VJ) as much as she wants and is a little bit nicer, I think. She is also really small -- I wasn't expecting to meet someone shorter than me, but she's about 5 feet tall. Not how I pictured her at all! She told me I looked like I was a child, not anywhere near old enough to get married. :)
She told me a bit about her own visa journey -- she had lived in mostly London for 12 years, and had been married to two different English men. She and her second husband decided they were sick of living in London and wanted something new so they moved to America. Since they were already married AND living in the UK, they had a spousal visa called a CR1 and it took only 5 months to get. I told her I was jealous that she could live with her husband the whole time, and she said "You wouldn't be if you had to live with MY husband through that process. He was convinced the whole time that he was secretly HIV positive or had a conviction that he couldn't recall, or that they wouldn't like the cut of his jib at the interview."
This is also REALLY weird -- she was at Bristol too! She did a Masters there about 9 years before I did my year abroad. AND... her best friend there lived in the same block of flats I lived in while I was there! Neither of us could believe it, but it was true. She told me a little about what Bristol was like when she was there, and I did the same. It turned out we had two of the same favorite pubs -- The Coronation Tap and The Highbury Vaults. I said I could totally see her as one of the stressed out grad students we would see in the Vaults in the afternoons, and she laughed and said yes, she had been one of them!
She told me a little about some of the personalities on VJ, particularly in the UK forum, and who were her friends in real life there. She has apparently met about 10 people from VJ, and some of them have become very close friends. She had a lot of funny stories to tell about VJ people, and she told me who she couldn't stand at all, but I promised her I wouldn't say anything about that! She also asked me some questions about myself, about what I thought about my hometown, and what I thought of VJ in general and the visa process. She said she couldn't be a lot of help with the K1 process (K1 is the visa Julian and I are applying for), but she offered to be someone who would listen to my worries and fears and try to help with some of the things that have to be done when we get to the interview stage, since that is basically the same for the fiance and spouse visas.
She also told me she was a little concerned about how Julian seems to treat me on VJ and in this blog, although she said she was hardly going to tell me how to live my life. She said her first husband had been a bit of a bully when it came to her weight and appearance, and she found herself giving into a lot of crazy, manipulative behavior because she was blinded by love. I said I loved Julian the way he was, and that he isn't manipulative, he just happens to know a lot better sometimes than me about how to do things. Julian's just more practical than I am, that's just how it is. She looked a little uncomfortable, but said she would be here for me if Julian started acting like a "prat" once he gets over here.
I guess I started opening up to her, because I told her a bit about why J and I broke up in the first place. I haven't really wanted to get into this since it seems like it happened in another lifetime. Short version: J and I were members of an online forum, and Alex and one of his friends (or maybe it was just Alex, I still don't know) became members too, but using fake names. They made me their friend online and I was chatting away with them a lot. Then they started saying horrible things all of a sudden, like J was gay, and I was his beard; or that I was a golddigger and going to bleed him dry. At first Julian was so ANGRY he threatened to hunt the people down, because I was so upset; then Alex let him know it was him (and supposedly another friend) and all of a sudden J thought it was all so funny that I was taken in. I decided that I was sick of him choosing Alex over me and said that we were over, done with. We were all set to file the fiance visa but I never sent the papers. I let Julian know we were not going ahead. He said fine, he didn't care at all. There's a lot more, but it's a long story and although I told Maven a bit more about it, and about my more specific issues with Alex, I don't want to talk about them right now because I just want to focus on happier things.
I ended up giving her a ride home since she had been dropped off at the Snug by a friend and her husband wasn't around. Something is up there, I don't know what, but she just seemed a little sad when she talked about him and I told her then what I tell her now (since I assume she will read this!) -- sometimes it is just tough loving an Englishman! She laughed and told me yeah, she knew that TOO well! I came in for a cup of tea and I played with her sweet cat George. She gave me a hug when I left and she asked me if I had read her post about making sure women take care of themselves should something go wrong with their relationships. I said I hadn't really read it very closely, but I promised her I would.
So I have a new friend! How cool is that! Julian is calling me in half an hour and I can't wait to tell him all about Maven, since she is so funny and teases him about his money on VJ, saying she is going to be his mistress when he gets here. I have to say that at first that bothered me, but now that I know her, I know it's just her being silly.
Yay VJ! Yay Saturday nights! Yay getting to talk to my wonderful, wonderful, handsome fiance who I love more than anything else in the world. I love you, my Julian. I miss you.
Anyway, I wasn't sure what it would be like to meet someone from VJ, and I guess I kind of did think about what Julian said about people not being who they say they are on the internet, but Maven is a lot like what she really IS like on VJ, except she can swear (censored out on VJ) as much as she wants and is a little bit nicer, I think. She is also really small -- I wasn't expecting to meet someone shorter than me, but she's about 5 feet tall. Not how I pictured her at all! She told me I looked like I was a child, not anywhere near old enough to get married. :)
She told me a bit about her own visa journey -- she had lived in mostly London for 12 years, and had been married to two different English men. She and her second husband decided they were sick of living in London and wanted something new so they moved to America. Since they were already married AND living in the UK, they had a spousal visa called a CR1 and it took only 5 months to get. I told her I was jealous that she could live with her husband the whole time, and she said "You wouldn't be if you had to live with MY husband through that process. He was convinced the whole time that he was secretly HIV positive or had a conviction that he couldn't recall, or that they wouldn't like the cut of his jib at the interview."
This is also REALLY weird -- she was at Bristol too! She did a Masters there about 9 years before I did my year abroad. AND... her best friend there lived in the same block of flats I lived in while I was there! Neither of us could believe it, but it was true. She told me a little about what Bristol was like when she was there, and I did the same. It turned out we had two of the same favorite pubs -- The Coronation Tap and The Highbury Vaults. I said I could totally see her as one of the stressed out grad students we would see in the Vaults in the afternoons, and she laughed and said yes, she had been one of them!
She told me a little about some of the personalities on VJ, particularly in the UK forum, and who were her friends in real life there. She has apparently met about 10 people from VJ, and some of them have become very close friends. She had a lot of funny stories to tell about VJ people, and she told me who she couldn't stand at all, but I promised her I wouldn't say anything about that! She also asked me some questions about myself, about what I thought about my hometown, and what I thought of VJ in general and the visa process. She said she couldn't be a lot of help with the K1 process (K1 is the visa Julian and I are applying for), but she offered to be someone who would listen to my worries and fears and try to help with some of the things that have to be done when we get to the interview stage, since that is basically the same for the fiance and spouse visas.
She also told me she was a little concerned about how Julian seems to treat me on VJ and in this blog, although she said she was hardly going to tell me how to live my life. She said her first husband had been a bit of a bully when it came to her weight and appearance, and she found herself giving into a lot of crazy, manipulative behavior because she was blinded by love. I said I loved Julian the way he was, and that he isn't manipulative, he just happens to know a lot better sometimes than me about how to do things. Julian's just more practical than I am, that's just how it is. She looked a little uncomfortable, but said she would be here for me if Julian started acting like a "prat" once he gets over here.
I guess I started opening up to her, because I told her a bit about why J and I broke up in the first place. I haven't really wanted to get into this since it seems like it happened in another lifetime. Short version: J and I were members of an online forum, and Alex and one of his friends (or maybe it was just Alex, I still don't know) became members too, but using fake names. They made me their friend online and I was chatting away with them a lot. Then they started saying horrible things all of a sudden, like J was gay, and I was his beard; or that I was a golddigger and going to bleed him dry. At first Julian was so ANGRY he threatened to hunt the people down, because I was so upset; then Alex let him know it was him (and supposedly another friend) and all of a sudden J thought it was all so funny that I was taken in. I decided that I was sick of him choosing Alex over me and said that we were over, done with. We were all set to file the fiance visa but I never sent the papers. I let Julian know we were not going ahead. He said fine, he didn't care at all. There's a lot more, but it's a long story and although I told Maven a bit more about it, and about my more specific issues with Alex, I don't want to talk about them right now because I just want to focus on happier things.
I ended up giving her a ride home since she had been dropped off at the Snug by a friend and her husband wasn't around. Something is up there, I don't know what, but she just seemed a little sad when she talked about him and I told her then what I tell her now (since I assume she will read this!) -- sometimes it is just tough loving an Englishman! She laughed and told me yeah, she knew that TOO well! I came in for a cup of tea and I played with her sweet cat George. She gave me a hug when I left and she asked me if I had read her post about making sure women take care of themselves should something go wrong with their relationships. I said I hadn't really read it very closely, but I promised her I would.
So I have a new friend! How cool is that! Julian is calling me in half an hour and I can't wait to tell him all about Maven, since she is so funny and teases him about his money on VJ, saying she is going to be his mistress when he gets here. I have to say that at first that bothered me, but now that I know her, I know it's just her being silly.
Yay VJ! Yay Saturday nights! Yay getting to talk to my wonderful, wonderful, handsome fiance who I love more than anything else in the world. I love you, my Julian. I miss you.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Stupid webinars
I had wanted to post something about the horrible little comment Alex left on my last post. I will certainly post about it later today. It's 12.22am here and I am on a stupid webinar about Asia. I drew the short straw so here I am, in my pajamas and eating ice cream, listening to people drone on about the main office's plans to expand in Hong Kong. And all the while his stupid comment is eating me up. How dare he?
Oh god, someone just asked me a question there. I realized just in time and was able to give a sort of answer. I was far away, thinking about Alex. Why can't he just let us be? It's 8.35am now in London and I have a real mind to call him when I'm done here. I want some answers from him, since Julian sent me an email an hour ago telling me not to call after my webinar, since I won't be done until at least 9am his time, and he is going to be in a meeting from then until 1pm, some emergency board meeting.
If I can stay up I am going to call Alex and tell him to leave me alone. I know he's still holding stuff against me from our time in Bristol, all that silly stuff about Miranda. It was so long ago. I doubt that's everything. I know he sees me as a bubble-headed waste of space, or some social-climber just after Julian's money. I don't CARE about Julian's money. I know there are plenty of women who would just see Julian as just one big pound sign, but I really don't give a damn about it at all. If anything, it seems like it's a bigger hassle than I want to deal with most of the time. His parents have all these expectations of me -- especially the one about having a son, which makes me feel like I'm in some Victorian novel. One of the reasons I want to be here in America and not there in England is that over here I won't have to be some stupid society hostess, throwing dinner parties and going to balls. I went to plenty of these stupid charity events during the six months I was there. They were so boring, and I always got stuck sitting next to a horrible old man who spent half the time spooning food into his mustache and the other half staring down my dress. Jocasta, Julian's mum, always did a debrief after these events, telling me where I had fallen short and how to improve since some day I was going to have to host one of these things. And during the events, she would hover nearby to make sure I didn't say something embarrassing. If I did, she would actually come close and put her arm around me and then pinch me!
I think this webinar is drawing to a close, thank god. Almost 1am and I am exhausted. But I am going to call Alex if I can stay awake. I hate Alex. I just hate him.
Oh god, someone just asked me a question there. I realized just in time and was able to give a sort of answer. I was far away, thinking about Alex. Why can't he just let us be? It's 8.35am now in London and I have a real mind to call him when I'm done here. I want some answers from him, since Julian sent me an email an hour ago telling me not to call after my webinar, since I won't be done until at least 9am his time, and he is going to be in a meeting from then until 1pm, some emergency board meeting.
If I can stay up I am going to call Alex and tell him to leave me alone. I know he's still holding stuff against me from our time in Bristol, all that silly stuff about Miranda. It was so long ago. I doubt that's everything. I know he sees me as a bubble-headed waste of space, or some social-climber just after Julian's money. I don't CARE about Julian's money. I know there are plenty of women who would just see Julian as just one big pound sign, but I really don't give a damn about it at all. If anything, it seems like it's a bigger hassle than I want to deal with most of the time. His parents have all these expectations of me -- especially the one about having a son, which makes me feel like I'm in some Victorian novel. One of the reasons I want to be here in America and not there in England is that over here I won't have to be some stupid society hostess, throwing dinner parties and going to balls. I went to plenty of these stupid charity events during the six months I was there. They were so boring, and I always got stuck sitting next to a horrible old man who spent half the time spooning food into his mustache and the other half staring down my dress. Jocasta, Julian's mum, always did a debrief after these events, telling me where I had fallen short and how to improve since some day I was going to have to host one of these things. And during the events, she would hover nearby to make sure I didn't say something embarrassing. If I did, she would actually come close and put her arm around me and then pinch me!
I think this webinar is drawing to a close, thank god. Almost 1am and I am exhausted. But I am going to call Alex if I can stay awake. I hate Alex. I just hate him.
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