A while back on VJ, I asked what a "touch" was and it ended up with the thread being closed. But I did find out that a touch is when someone at USCIS looks at your file and then updates their system. If you sign up on the USCIS website, you can track what's happening with your file. I did and... we have had TWO touches in the past two days! I mentioned this on VJ and one of the other members said she thought this meant we are going to have a NOA2 (which means our petition for Julian to apply for the visa) any day!!!
I just called Julian and he told me to calm down because I was having problems breathing and I couldn't speak. He told me to be cautious and not to assume that it means an approval, maybe just someone is looking at the file. He agrees it is good news but not to start celebrating until I get the email confirming it. I don't care -- I am just SO happy!
I'll write a real post tonight with more stuff but I just wanted to share the news! HOORAY!!!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
I'm back!
Wow, what a busy few days I have had. I keep trying to find some time to sit down and write something about what's been happening, but it seems like I am always busy or tired or out with friends. There's a thread on VJ right now on how to make the time go faster when you're apart from your loved one, and everyone says that keeping busy is the best way to speed things up. I totally agree!
I can't believe it's been four days since I got so upset at how people were treating me on the blog. It seems like ten years ago! I got so fed up with the lies and the way people were treating me like I was an idiot, and I did something really immature, which was go back and delete the comments because I felt like having them sit there on each post was too painful. Instead of ignoring them I lashed out and that was pretty stupid. I've lost the comments forever, which is kind of sad, I guess. Anyway, I had a lot of really great PMs from people through VJ (I won't share anyone's name) encouraging me to keep posting, that it's MY blog and I can do with it what I want, and not to feel bullied by people. Thank you SO much everyone who got in contact, and there were quite a few of you, so I know that I'm not as alone as I thought. What you had to say to me made me feel strong enough to stand up for myself and keep going. So... THANK YOU!!! You know who you are. I was really amazed that you were all willing to identify yourselves to me via VJ as well and I promise you I will not tell anyone (and I mean ANYONE *wink*) who you are.
So... what have I been up to? Well, number one, my allergies are acting up so I feel terrible, and my eyes are so watery sometimes. Thursday was a bit of a blah day. Dana actually sent me an email telling me I shouldn't be so "blatant" about all the wedding websites I was going on, and that it was really clear that I was spending about half my day looking at The Knot and the other half having "overheated conversations" with Julian on the phone. I can't believe how rude she was! I look at The Knot during lunch when I'm at my desk or when I'm on really boring conference calls or whatever, which is HARDLY half the day. And okay, maybe I do talk to Julian on the phone a lot, but we have so much going on right now with buying a house that of course we have to talk often! I mean, if Julian were living in, like, Santa Monica or whatever we would still need to talk frequently. God. I have tried to be better about looking at wedding websites though.
Which reminds me that I am totally drawing a blank on bridesmaids' dresses. I spent a lot of time looking at really expensive ones, and also at really cheap ones and I still couldn't tell the difference. Jen and Jenn sat down with me on Thursday night and we made an executive decision (seeing as they are maid of honor and bridesmaid) and we decided to do something really simple: we're going to go with something from J. Crew, so they actually have a chance of wearing the dresses after. No clue what style, but since it's .J Crew we can take our time. I emailed Stella and Veronique (who had no clue what J. Crew was, but I sent her a link) about my idea and they both seemed happy with the idea. When we decide what to go with, I will post the picture!
Friday, god. A lot of stuff. First, I think I found two houses that totally ticked all my boxes. And yes, one of them I at first rejected because I HATE the downstairs bathroom! I thought about it again and thought how stupid it is, considering I will be having Rachel help me decorate the place anyway. Following Julian's instructions, I won't be giving too much away about these houses, like where they are and exactly what features they have. (He is getting really paranoid, by the way, about when he comes over since people have been saying horrible things on VJ about him getting beat up. I told him not to be so silly, who would want to beat him up? But he actually asked me at one point if I wasn't sure I wanted to just cancel the K1 and file for a UK fiancée visa. He was so sweet and offered to fly my family and friends (within reason) out to London and we could have the reception wherever I wanted but I said no, we were so far along in the Process now we couldn't give up.)
Sorry. Anyway, yeah. Two houses. One is a four bed with two bathrooms (one I hate), a really great open plan space sort of like a huge living room, and a GORGEOUS kitchen with (I couldn't even believe it) an Aga stove like the one J's parents have in their house, except this one was almost new and in a dark red color. There was also an Aga dishwasher and fridge that matched. It was like a sign. Lots of beautiful original wood throughout and a fireplace. Out back there's a big yard that needs a lot of help but a nice pool and even a little pool cabana. Cute. This is number one on my list and it's in a great area.
Number two was five bedrooms and also in a good area. It's a lot newer than number one, but it's also a LOT larger. The bedrooms were huge, and two of them were already set up as studies with built-in shelves and lots of power outlets. The master bedroom had its own bathroom, and it had Victorian-style fixtures. Loved it. I called Julian right away and told him I had seen two possibles and he said that if I could find a third he would come over to start the process. Wow, I felt like I had to get going! It's been almost three months since we've seen each other and it's been so hard to be apart.
And then on Friday night -- and just in case anyone thinks I haven't told Julian this yet, I have -- I went out with Jen and we met up with Sean and Mack at Backstage Bar for karaoke. I wasn't exactly going to say that when I posted on Friday because I just wanted to post quickly about comments, and I was sure I was going to get a TON if I wrote, "Oh hi, I'm meeting Sean tonight." I felt really bad about how I had left it with Sean, I mean, we have been friends for years and our families are so close, so I guess I think I need to make things more normal. I still think he has a crush on me, but that doesn't mean we can't still be friends IF we always hang out in a group. Which is why I had Jen call Mack and ask him to get Sean to come out on Friday, and explained why we needed to meet up.
Anyway, it was great! Sean wasn't weird or creepy or anything, and we were able to laugh and joke and be normal again. Sean and I sang "Can't Stand Me Now" by the Libertines which was pretty hilarious because he is totally tone deaf! Mack and Jen got smashed, but since I was driving and had only had one beer (also good so I knew things weren't going to go anywhere I couldn't control with Sean)that was fine. I love Mack and Jen together and wish they could just figure out they would be perfect for each other, but I know Jen still has a thing for Sean, and since Mack is like Sean's best friend... I wonder if she thinks it's like cheating on Sean? I don't know. I've never asked her.
Jen ended up spending the night and in the morning, since she felt and looked like hell (I loaned her an ancient nightgown and a scrunchie) I went out to Winchells on Orange Grove and got coffee and donuts. We watched Doctor Who (her choice, not mine) and after we both managed to get dressed she came along to see another house with me. This one is farther out, not even in Pasadena, but the place looked so great I said OK. I don't know, it was huge, with five beds and three and a half baths, and the big living room, big kitchen, big pool and even a separate little guest house out back that his family or friends or whatever could stay in. I didn't feel the "thing" though, but I thought Julian would want to see this one so I thought fine. Here we go, three houses! But by the time I had decided this, it was around 10pm his time, and he was out with Alex so I knew better than to bother him. If he had been out with just James and Charlie (who I knew were going to be there), it would have been another matter because they are both so nice to me and actually think that it's great that Julian is marrying me. Like normal people! (Which they totally are.) But with Alex there who knows anymore what he's going to say that will set Julian off. God, I wish he would just get rid of him.
Saturday night was really chilled out. I was over at Jenn's, and we cooked chicken cacciatore and had a bottle of wine. I got home pretty late and since I had decided after reading a PM from a VJer that I wanted to open anonymous comments again, that's what I did! I felt really positive about this, as I said above, and I think I'm ready to take on the anonymouses again. Today was mellow, and I cleaned the apartment a little and posted once or twice on VJ. I spoke to J when I woke up to tell him I had three houses, and I gave him all the details of the houses and the agent. He was THRILLED at all of them, and he said he would be in touch with his solicitor on Monday to see what needs to be done to get a lawyer over here to handle the sale.
And... Julian is coming to see me! Not sure of the date yet, but he said in about three weeks. Which would be about the 11th or so of July. Can. Not. Wait!!! I checked again with the realtor and she said that there wasn't a lot of movement at our price level so it was unlikely that any of these houses were going to move before Julian could make it over here, and that interest had been pretty low. So hooray! SO much going right at the moment.
The only thing that is really bothering me is that J says I need to fix things with Alex because he wants to have him as his best man at the wedding. I thought I was hallucinating when I heard him say that and had him say it again. Yeah, Julian wants Alex to be his best man. I mean, on one level I totally understand it because Alex IS his best friend after all. But with everything that went between us in the past I can't understand how he can do this to me. Julian said it was all ancient history, and that Alex and I need to grow up, both of us, and put it in the past. That we both owe it to him, since he has behaved so well considering what kind of position we put him in. And I think he's right. I am willing to stop feeling so much confusion about Alex and anger and whatever if he's willing to stop sending me nasty things and calling me up (like I don't know it's him) at 4 in the morning. It has been about a week since he's done anything like that, so maybe he's trying to as well. If he is, then I'd be happy to put all of it away for the sake of Julian and what is HIS big day too, after all. Julian says he has some idea about how to make it better, but he needs to figure it out. Hopefully it will just be like a conference call or whatever, or maybe he'll get Alex hypnotized for the wedding to behave! LOL
Yeah, so hey! I'm back!
I can't believe it's been four days since I got so upset at how people were treating me on the blog. It seems like ten years ago! I got so fed up with the lies and the way people were treating me like I was an idiot, and I did something really immature, which was go back and delete the comments because I felt like having them sit there on each post was too painful. Instead of ignoring them I lashed out and that was pretty stupid. I've lost the comments forever, which is kind of sad, I guess. Anyway, I had a lot of really great PMs from people through VJ (I won't share anyone's name) encouraging me to keep posting, that it's MY blog and I can do with it what I want, and not to feel bullied by people. Thank you SO much everyone who got in contact, and there were quite a few of you, so I know that I'm not as alone as I thought. What you had to say to me made me feel strong enough to stand up for myself and keep going. So... THANK YOU!!! You know who you are. I was really amazed that you were all willing to identify yourselves to me via VJ as well and I promise you I will not tell anyone (and I mean ANYONE *wink*) who you are.
So... what have I been up to? Well, number one, my allergies are acting up so I feel terrible, and my eyes are so watery sometimes. Thursday was a bit of a blah day. Dana actually sent me an email telling me I shouldn't be so "blatant" about all the wedding websites I was going on, and that it was really clear that I was spending about half my day looking at The Knot and the other half having "overheated conversations" with Julian on the phone. I can't believe how rude she was! I look at The Knot during lunch when I'm at my desk or when I'm on really boring conference calls or whatever, which is HARDLY half the day. And okay, maybe I do talk to Julian on the phone a lot, but we have so much going on right now with buying a house that of course we have to talk often! I mean, if Julian were living in, like, Santa Monica or whatever we would still need to talk frequently. God. I have tried to be better about looking at wedding websites though.
Which reminds me that I am totally drawing a blank on bridesmaids' dresses. I spent a lot of time looking at really expensive ones, and also at really cheap ones and I still couldn't tell the difference. Jen and Jenn sat down with me on Thursday night and we made an executive decision (seeing as they are maid of honor and bridesmaid) and we decided to do something really simple: we're going to go with something from J. Crew, so they actually have a chance of wearing the dresses after. No clue what style, but since it's .J Crew we can take our time. I emailed Stella and Veronique (who had no clue what J. Crew was, but I sent her a link) about my idea and they both seemed happy with the idea. When we decide what to go with, I will post the picture!
Friday, god. A lot of stuff. First, I think I found two houses that totally ticked all my boxes. And yes, one of them I at first rejected because I HATE the downstairs bathroom! I thought about it again and thought how stupid it is, considering I will be having Rachel help me decorate the place anyway. Following Julian's instructions, I won't be giving too much away about these houses, like where they are and exactly what features they have. (He is getting really paranoid, by the way, about when he comes over since people have been saying horrible things on VJ about him getting beat up. I told him not to be so silly, who would want to beat him up? But he actually asked me at one point if I wasn't sure I wanted to just cancel the K1 and file for a UK fiancée visa. He was so sweet and offered to fly my family and friends (within reason) out to London and we could have the reception wherever I wanted but I said no, we were so far along in the Process now we couldn't give up.)
Sorry. Anyway, yeah. Two houses. One is a four bed with two bathrooms (one I hate), a really great open plan space sort of like a huge living room, and a GORGEOUS kitchen with (I couldn't even believe it) an Aga stove like the one J's parents have in their house, except this one was almost new and in a dark red color. There was also an Aga dishwasher and fridge that matched. It was like a sign. Lots of beautiful original wood throughout and a fireplace. Out back there's a big yard that needs a lot of help but a nice pool and even a little pool cabana. Cute. This is number one on my list and it's in a great area.
Number two was five bedrooms and also in a good area. It's a lot newer than number one, but it's also a LOT larger. The bedrooms were huge, and two of them were already set up as studies with built-in shelves and lots of power outlets. The master bedroom had its own bathroom, and it had Victorian-style fixtures. Loved it. I called Julian right away and told him I had seen two possibles and he said that if I could find a third he would come over to start the process. Wow, I felt like I had to get going! It's been almost three months since we've seen each other and it's been so hard to be apart.
And then on Friday night -- and just in case anyone thinks I haven't told Julian this yet, I have -- I went out with Jen and we met up with Sean and Mack at Backstage Bar for karaoke. I wasn't exactly going to say that when I posted on Friday because I just wanted to post quickly about comments, and I was sure I was going to get a TON if I wrote, "Oh hi, I'm meeting Sean tonight." I felt really bad about how I had left it with Sean, I mean, we have been friends for years and our families are so close, so I guess I think I need to make things more normal. I still think he has a crush on me, but that doesn't mean we can't still be friends IF we always hang out in a group. Which is why I had Jen call Mack and ask him to get Sean to come out on Friday, and explained why we needed to meet up.
Anyway, it was great! Sean wasn't weird or creepy or anything, and we were able to laugh and joke and be normal again. Sean and I sang "Can't Stand Me Now" by the Libertines which was pretty hilarious because he is totally tone deaf! Mack and Jen got smashed, but since I was driving and had only had one beer (also good so I knew things weren't going to go anywhere I couldn't control with Sean)that was fine. I love Mack and Jen together and wish they could just figure out they would be perfect for each other, but I know Jen still has a thing for Sean, and since Mack is like Sean's best friend... I wonder if she thinks it's like cheating on Sean? I don't know. I've never asked her.
Jen ended up spending the night and in the morning, since she felt and looked like hell (I loaned her an ancient nightgown and a scrunchie) I went out to Winchells on Orange Grove and got coffee and donuts. We watched Doctor Who (her choice, not mine) and after we both managed to get dressed she came along to see another house with me. This one is farther out, not even in Pasadena, but the place looked so great I said OK. I don't know, it was huge, with five beds and three and a half baths, and the big living room, big kitchen, big pool and even a separate little guest house out back that his family or friends or whatever could stay in. I didn't feel the "thing" though, but I thought Julian would want to see this one so I thought fine. Here we go, three houses! But by the time I had decided this, it was around 10pm his time, and he was out with Alex so I knew better than to bother him. If he had been out with just James and Charlie (who I knew were going to be there), it would have been another matter because they are both so nice to me and actually think that it's great that Julian is marrying me. Like normal people! (Which they totally are.) But with Alex there who knows anymore what he's going to say that will set Julian off. God, I wish he would just get rid of him.
Saturday night was really chilled out. I was over at Jenn's, and we cooked chicken cacciatore and had a bottle of wine. I got home pretty late and since I had decided after reading a PM from a VJer that I wanted to open anonymous comments again, that's what I did! I felt really positive about this, as I said above, and I think I'm ready to take on the anonymouses again. Today was mellow, and I cleaned the apartment a little and posted once or twice on VJ. I spoke to J when I woke up to tell him I had three houses, and I gave him all the details of the houses and the agent. He was THRILLED at all of them, and he said he would be in touch with his solicitor on Monday to see what needs to be done to get a lawyer over here to handle the sale.
And... Julian is coming to see me! Not sure of the date yet, but he said in about three weeks. Which would be about the 11th or so of July. Can. Not. Wait!!! I checked again with the realtor and she said that there wasn't a lot of movement at our price level so it was unlikely that any of these houses were going to move before Julian could make it over here, and that interest had been pretty low. So hooray! SO much going right at the moment.
The only thing that is really bothering me is that J says I need to fix things with Alex because he wants to have him as his best man at the wedding. I thought I was hallucinating when I heard him say that and had him say it again. Yeah, Julian wants Alex to be his best man. I mean, on one level I totally understand it because Alex IS his best friend after all. But with everything that went between us in the past I can't understand how he can do this to me. Julian said it was all ancient history, and that Alex and I need to grow up, both of us, and put it in the past. That we both owe it to him, since he has behaved so well considering what kind of position we put him in. And I think he's right. I am willing to stop feeling so much confusion about Alex and anger and whatever if he's willing to stop sending me nasty things and calling me up (like I don't know it's him) at 4 in the morning. It has been about a week since he's done anything like that, so maybe he's trying to as well. If he is, then I'd be happy to put all of it away for the sake of Julian and what is HIS big day too, after all. Julian says he has some idea about how to make it better, but he needs to figure it out. Hopefully it will just be like a conference call or whatever, or maybe he'll get Alex hypnotized for the wedding to behave! LOL
Yeah, so hey! I'm back!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Another update on comments
I only just got home and am too tired to do a real post (a LOT of stuff has happened in the past few days so I will definitely post tomorrow) but I wanted to say comments are open again. Even anonymous ones. I got a PM on VJ that convinced me this was the right thing to do. So please try to be polite!
Till tomorrow.
Till tomorrow.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Update
I have decided to open comments again, since I've calmed down a lot. If you want to comment, you will need to either have a Google Account. LiveJournal ID or OpenID. (I think.) No more anonymous posting for the time being.
Just about to have dinner with Jen but I will write a real post later tonight. I think I may have just found THE house!
Just about to have dinner with Jen but I will write a real post later tonight. I think I may have just found THE house!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
This blog.
So I had a think about it and I have decided to close comments down on this blog until further notice. I read all of them from the past couple of days again and again and they all made me upset. I've removed all the comments from the last two posts and if I decide to make commenting available in the future, it will only be to registered people. I'm sorry but I've had enough for a while. Go laugh at someone else.
What am I supposed to say?
Well, this post was supposed to be about my annual appraisal, but I guess I will have to just deal with that by saying it went well. Really well, thanks to John giving an excellent review on my work during the last year. I have been approved to go part-time after I get back from my honeymoon in St. John, and I can even work extra hours from home if I want to. I was the only person in my rank to walk out of that conference room this week with a smile on her face, laughing with her boss. I knew everyone was watching, so it made me feel a little guilty because so many people had not had pleasant experiences, but I figured that this was MY life and I wanted to enjoy the moment for as long as it lasts.
So what this post is really about is this: I am thinking about stopping this blog. I'm not ashamed about anything I'm writing, and Julian has no objection to what I write or how I write it. I just think that what people are saying in the comments section is getting out of control. My fiancé has been called gay repeatedly, his best friend too, my fiancé has attacked my friend there, people are quoting from a movie that has Cameron Diaz in it... It's getting crazy and I just can't handle it on top of everything else. I'm trying to plan a wedding, buy a house, handle the bureaucracy of US immigration, deal with my mother who keeps begging me to come home for dinner, screen phone calls from people I don't want to have anything to do with anymore (Sean, Alex), see my friends and go to work and perform there.
I started this so I could process some really difficult emotions and talk about difficult things, and I think I have been able to do that. But I never dreamed that so many people would care about what I am doing, people who have never met me or my fiancé but have very strong opinions about who we are and what we are doing. And these people won't even identify themselves most of the time! I think if I keep doing this blog, I am going to change it so I don't get anonymous comments anymore. I think if you're going to say something to me about MY life, you should at least let me know who you are!
I spoke to Julian about his comment to Maven. I told him I was shocked at what he wrote and asked him why he wrote such a horrible thing. He said he was out with Alex in some bar in Soho, and they were pretty drunk. Alex showed him my most recent post and the comments that were on it, and Alex said something like, "That friend of Melissa's sounds like she's a goer from what Melissa told you about her. Looks like she might be up for something when you get out there." It really rubbed Julian the wrong way, because he'd already said he thought she was a bad influence on me, which he also told Alex. Alex said that perhaps Julian needed to show this woman who was boss then and to mark his territory, so Julian posted that horrible thing, but I know now it was just because Alex put him up to it and he was SO drunk. Julian apologized to me (!) and said it wouldn't happen again. He also said he would email Maven and say he was sorry, but she's flying back to LA all day today so I doubt she's even seen this yet.
And all because of this stupid, stupid blog! The whole incident on VJ last week where Julian got suspended would NEVER have happened if people who read this didn't start attacking him with what they think are "facts" about him and me. You don't know me and you don't know what my life and real, true love for Julian is like! I don't care what you think you know -- like the person who said I am being emotionally and economically abused, or the people who think that Alex is in love with Julian -- it's not true! Julian is sweet and cares for me SO much, and never withholds money from me. He always makes sure I have money when I need it, but I hate to ask because I prefer right now, while I am still single, to take care of myself as much as possible. Sure, the car was something I accepted, but I did that because it was something for both of us. So is the house. It's HIS money, so of course he should have a bigger say than me on where the house is! Maybe it's just a little old-fashioned for some people, having a relationship where the man takes responsibility for the big choices in life and makes the money, while the woman is free to be at home and explore a life outside of the workplace. What works for us may not work for you, OK?
But there are still some things I want to keep private. There are things I do not talk about on here, because they are embarrassing to me for what I have done to Julian. He told me that I shouldn't be ashamed of what I have done in the past because every time I do something wrong I tell him and he will always, ALWAYS forgive me. Sometimes it takes longer than others, like over the thing with Sean, but he always does. I am very lucky I ended up with him and not Alex, who tore my heart out and walked on it, and who likes to remind me of how humiliating that was. Between the two of them, I know I made the right choice.
So this may be the last from me for a while. I need to think about all of this and I really need to talk to Julian again.
So what this post is really about is this: I am thinking about stopping this blog. I'm not ashamed about anything I'm writing, and Julian has no objection to what I write or how I write it. I just think that what people are saying in the comments section is getting out of control. My fiancé has been called gay repeatedly, his best friend too, my fiancé has attacked my friend there, people are quoting from a movie that has Cameron Diaz in it... It's getting crazy and I just can't handle it on top of everything else. I'm trying to plan a wedding, buy a house, handle the bureaucracy of US immigration, deal with my mother who keeps begging me to come home for dinner, screen phone calls from people I don't want to have anything to do with anymore (Sean, Alex), see my friends and go to work and perform there.
I started this so I could process some really difficult emotions and talk about difficult things, and I think I have been able to do that. But I never dreamed that so many people would care about what I am doing, people who have never met me or my fiancé but have very strong opinions about who we are and what we are doing. And these people won't even identify themselves most of the time! I think if I keep doing this blog, I am going to change it so I don't get anonymous comments anymore. I think if you're going to say something to me about MY life, you should at least let me know who you are!
I spoke to Julian about his comment to Maven. I told him I was shocked at what he wrote and asked him why he wrote such a horrible thing. He said he was out with Alex in some bar in Soho, and they were pretty drunk. Alex showed him my most recent post and the comments that were on it, and Alex said something like, "That friend of Melissa's sounds like she's a goer from what Melissa told you about her. Looks like she might be up for something when you get out there." It really rubbed Julian the wrong way, because he'd already said he thought she was a bad influence on me, which he also told Alex. Alex said that perhaps Julian needed to show this woman who was boss then and to mark his territory, so Julian posted that horrible thing, but I know now it was just because Alex put him up to it and he was SO drunk. Julian apologized to me (!) and said it wouldn't happen again. He also said he would email Maven and say he was sorry, but she's flying back to LA all day today so I doubt she's even seen this yet.
And all because of this stupid, stupid blog! The whole incident on VJ last week where Julian got suspended would NEVER have happened if people who read this didn't start attacking him with what they think are "facts" about him and me. You don't know me and you don't know what my life and real, true love for Julian is like! I don't care what you think you know -- like the person who said I am being emotionally and economically abused, or the people who think that Alex is in love with Julian -- it's not true! Julian is sweet and cares for me SO much, and never withholds money from me. He always makes sure I have money when I need it, but I hate to ask because I prefer right now, while I am still single, to take care of myself as much as possible. Sure, the car was something I accepted, but I did that because it was something for both of us. So is the house. It's HIS money, so of course he should have a bigger say than me on where the house is! Maybe it's just a little old-fashioned for some people, having a relationship where the man takes responsibility for the big choices in life and makes the money, while the woman is free to be at home and explore a life outside of the workplace. What works for us may not work for you, OK?
But there are still some things I want to keep private. There are things I do not talk about on here, because they are embarrassing to me for what I have done to Julian. He told me that I shouldn't be ashamed of what I have done in the past because every time I do something wrong I tell him and he will always, ALWAYS forgive me. Sometimes it takes longer than others, like over the thing with Sean, but he always does. I am very lucky I ended up with him and not Alex, who tore my heart out and walked on it, and who likes to remind me of how humiliating that was. Between the two of them, I know I made the right choice.
So this may be the last from me for a while. I need to think about all of this and I really need to talk to Julian again.
Slow weekend.
Well, it's been a fairly quiet weekend for me, except for yesterday when I was watching the England-USA match with Julian. I mean, we were watching it in our separate apartments 6000 miles apart, but we were talking on Skype while it was going on. Julian is much more of a rugby fan, but he really wanted to see England "show the Yanks how it's done." He predicted that England would win 3-0, so when the US tied with England in the end he was pretty furious. He said that if, oh god, what was that American player's name, Altidore? If Altidore had scored, Julian would have refused to go on with the visa. I kind of laughed at that, and asked if he was kidding. He paused for a moment and said (in a very flat kind of voice), "Yes, Melissa. Of course I'm kidding." Phew!
Actually, it kind of worried me for a moment, because I think that he doesn't see his moving over here to be permanent. I mean, he sees being together with ME as being permanent, just I wonder if he sees being here in America to be permanent. He said this thing on VJ the other day, just kind of as an aside, that maybe we would move back to England someday. This is news to me! He agreed to come over here because he knew how unhappy I had been over there. I was re-reading the beginning of this blog the other day, and I noticed I said the six months I spent over there were fantastic, but they really weren't. I felt lonely and isolated and so far away from everyone I knew and loved. I really like some of the food over there -- I must have, I put on ten pounds from all the custard creams I ate -- and the clothes are SO much better than here, but I just couldn't connect with people. Especially the women. I don't know, they just always seemed to be so cold to me. I had issues with Minty even before I had to move out of our flat. Jocasta has always been rude to me, and clearly doesn't think I'm a suitable wife for Julian. Oh god, don't even get me started on Amanda, Julian's ex.... I think he wanted us to be friends, and I really tried to be nice to her every time we were both at a party together, but she just ignored me. Acted like I wasn't even there unless Julian was standing there too, in which case she was "ever so nice", commenting on how lovely my dress was, or asking if I liked living in Bristol (or in London, when we were living there in 2008). Then he'd walk away to get us drinks, and she would immediately turn her back on me to look at her phone, or just stare at me really intently. Then Julian would come back and act all pleased that we were getting along so well.
Every time I tried to tell Julian that I didn't think Amanda liked me very much, he would say I was being ridiculous, that she was obviously very fond of me and that it meant SO much to him that we were friends. So I really do try to be nice to her when I'm over there, but since I don't plan on being over there any time soon (I might try to go over when he has his interview, if we ever get our NOA2!) it's not really an issue. I don't know what it is in particular that Amanda doesn't like about me. I mean, she's about as attractive as me so it's probably not jealousy over how I look. She and Julian had been broken up for almost six months when I met him, so it's not like I "stole" him away from her. I will keep trying with her though for Julian's sake. I know he sees her occasionally because they both live in London. I once asked Julian why Alex didn't go out with her, since she really seems his type. Julian explained that Amanda and Alex did try to go out for a while but found they just couldn't commit to each other, so they "date" occasionally. "When the mood strikes them, or one of them," Julian explained. As I said about Rachel, I just don't understand these people who can't commit to one person and see multiple people at one time! It just seems so cheap. When I think about how deep my love is for Julian because we are committed to each other alone, and how that love makes me a better person (I hope) I just don't understand why other people don't want the same thing for themselves.
I did see a couple of other houses this weekend, one was a five bed which was GORGEOUS but when I showed Julian where it was on the map he said it was hardly going to be a move up the ladder from where I live now, so that's off the list. The second was an itty-bitty three bed Craftsman, perfect Pasadena, all the details original and perfectly (and it looked very expensively) restored. Julian was not so excited by this idea, even when I told him a little bit about the Arts and Crafts movement in Pasadena, and what an important part of our cultural heritage it is. He told me he knew perfectly well what the Arts and Crafts movement was, and hadn't we spent a good bit of time in Liberty looking at period furniture and discussing the origins of the movement? I kind of remember this; I was actually really itching to get to the women's clothing department. Anyway, I told him that I thought it would be amazing to get an old house like this, and he said, "Old? It was built in 1910. My parents' house in Suffolk was 200 years old when that shack was put up." But I did get him to say that having a showpiece of a home -- something really unusual -- might not be a bad idea as long as there was at least one more bedroom.
So that's about it for today from Planet Melissa (what Julian calls it sometimes when I ramble on a little too much). Time for a glass of wine and a wander through the channels. Sigh. I hope our NOA2 comes soon, because I can't wait to have my sweet love with me here.
Actually, it kind of worried me for a moment, because I think that he doesn't see his moving over here to be permanent. I mean, he sees being together with ME as being permanent, just I wonder if he sees being here in America to be permanent. He said this thing on VJ the other day, just kind of as an aside, that maybe we would move back to England someday. This is news to me! He agreed to come over here because he knew how unhappy I had been over there. I was re-reading the beginning of this blog the other day, and I noticed I said the six months I spent over there were fantastic, but they really weren't. I felt lonely and isolated and so far away from everyone I knew and loved. I really like some of the food over there -- I must have, I put on ten pounds from all the custard creams I ate -- and the clothes are SO much better than here, but I just couldn't connect with people. Especially the women. I don't know, they just always seemed to be so cold to me. I had issues with Minty even before I had to move out of our flat. Jocasta has always been rude to me, and clearly doesn't think I'm a suitable wife for Julian. Oh god, don't even get me started on Amanda, Julian's ex.... I think he wanted us to be friends, and I really tried to be nice to her every time we were both at a party together, but she just ignored me. Acted like I wasn't even there unless Julian was standing there too, in which case she was "ever so nice", commenting on how lovely my dress was, or asking if I liked living in Bristol (or in London, when we were living there in 2008). Then he'd walk away to get us drinks, and she would immediately turn her back on me to look at her phone, or just stare at me really intently. Then Julian would come back and act all pleased that we were getting along so well.
Every time I tried to tell Julian that I didn't think Amanda liked me very much, he would say I was being ridiculous, that she was obviously very fond of me and that it meant SO much to him that we were friends. So I really do try to be nice to her when I'm over there, but since I don't plan on being over there any time soon (I might try to go over when he has his interview, if we ever get our NOA2!) it's not really an issue. I don't know what it is in particular that Amanda doesn't like about me. I mean, she's about as attractive as me so it's probably not jealousy over how I look. She and Julian had been broken up for almost six months when I met him, so it's not like I "stole" him away from her. I will keep trying with her though for Julian's sake. I know he sees her occasionally because they both live in London. I once asked Julian why Alex didn't go out with her, since she really seems his type. Julian explained that Amanda and Alex did try to go out for a while but found they just couldn't commit to each other, so they "date" occasionally. "When the mood strikes them, or one of them," Julian explained. As I said about Rachel, I just don't understand these people who can't commit to one person and see multiple people at one time! It just seems so cheap. When I think about how deep my love is for Julian because we are committed to each other alone, and how that love makes me a better person (I hope) I just don't understand why other people don't want the same thing for themselves.
I did see a couple of other houses this weekend, one was a five bed which was GORGEOUS but when I showed Julian where it was on the map he said it was hardly going to be a move up the ladder from where I live now, so that's off the list. The second was an itty-bitty three bed Craftsman, perfect Pasadena, all the details original and perfectly (and it looked very expensively) restored. Julian was not so excited by this idea, even when I told him a little bit about the Arts and Crafts movement in Pasadena, and what an important part of our cultural heritage it is. He told me he knew perfectly well what the Arts and Crafts movement was, and hadn't we spent a good bit of time in Liberty looking at period furniture and discussing the origins of the movement? I kind of remember this; I was actually really itching to get to the women's clothing department. Anyway, I told him that I thought it would be amazing to get an old house like this, and he said, "Old? It was built in 1910. My parents' house in Suffolk was 200 years old when that shack was put up." But I did get him to say that having a showpiece of a home -- something really unusual -- might not be a bad idea as long as there was at least one more bedroom.
So that's about it for today from Planet Melissa (what Julian calls it sometimes when I ramble on a little too much). Time for a glass of wine and a wander through the channels. Sigh. I hope our NOA2 comes soon, because I can't wait to have my sweet love with me here.
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