So day three (four?) on the Klonopin. I know I only can take it twice a day and for a week. I can't have any tomorrow during the day since I've already taken so much time off of work. Dana emailed me on Friday asking when I'm coming back because it's embarrassing how much time I get to have off while she's in there every day. She actually asked me who I was sleeping with to get away with the stuff I do. So disrespectful. But I'm going back tomorrow anyway so she will just have to deal with it.
The Klonopin really does keep me together, which I need since Julian was so angry about the RFE being my fault. He said over and over how careless he'd been to assume I knew what I was doing with the I-129F. He said that when he comes over at the end of this week he would take control of the RFE so there wouldn't be any further mistakes. We can't afford to be delayed any further. I was pretty upset at the time he said this, but I know he's right. It will be good not to have to have this be my responsibility any more. He's so much better at these things anyway. He's pretty much forgiven me for all the hassle I've caused him. I'm just going to focus on him coming over and being in a better frame of mind.
I did speak to Alex the other day. It is so great to know he is no longer trying to attack me. I don't really know what made him change his mind, only that he's being so nice to me. It reminds me a lot of the old days, when I used to be able to talk to him for HOURS, and it seemed he understood me better than anyone else. We really were good friends once, and even through all of the crazy we've been through over the years I guess a part of me has always missed him and missed our talks. We used to stay up all night, even after he was back with Amanda and I was back with Julian, and we would share everything. I now really regret not being honest about this. But at some point I guess he just got sick of me talking about all the little problems I was having with Julian and he thought we would be better apart. He was wrong, but I know it came from a place of love. It was misguided and did break up Julian and me, but I know he meant the best for us both.
I'm actually really looking forward to seeing him at the wedding. I told him this and he asked me not to talk about the wedding. He said that even though we were all friends now, he still thought it was a bad idea. He said some things that were brutally honest that I don't want to mention. He asked me to reconsider, and told me he keeps telling Julian the same thing. I know why he thinks it's wrong, but what he says is right for me is also wrong. The past is a long time ago.
So back to work tomorrow. I'm actually looking forward to it!
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Melissa, I'm glad we are speaking once more. Our conversations should stay private. You know what I think and that should be sufficient. When you have had the time and you are off the Klonopin, give me another ring.
ReplyDelete"He's pretty much forgiven me for all the hassle I've caused him"
ReplyDeleteWhat hassle? You delayed the visa by a week or so by leaving something out, and now he's delaying in even further by not allowing you to send in the evidence they need to continue the process. If anyone's creating hassle, it's him.
This is just more of Julian's loving side showing that he loves nothing better than to make her happy. Right?
ReplyDeleteMelissa - How many pills were in your bottle originally and how many do you have now?
ReplyDeleteJQ
Ummm, I don't have them with me (I am at work) but I was given 30 and I think I have taken 7. One on Thursday and two on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. That's what I was told I could do. I didn't drink anything. Do you think I'm taking too much? Julian said that as long as I feel more relaxed that's the best thing. He was just so worried about me crying all the time. I don't really feel like crying now. Isn't that good?
ReplyDeleteMost people are not at work today.
ReplyDeleteJQ
I know, but I'm at work. We don't close the office today because we have a lot of work with European clients and obviously this isn't a day they get off. People can take the day off if they want to, but if you don't you can take another day off "in lieu". I went in because I knew today would be light in the office (half of them aren't in, including Dana, THANK GOD) and because I had to take Thursday and Friday off so I was worried it would look bad. I am taking next Monday off instead since Julian gets here on Saturday around 3pm and I really want to spend time with him.
ReplyDeleteBut JQ, do you thinking I'm taking too many pills?
Melissa, if you're asking if you're taking too many pills, you probably are. What kind of man is Julian if he is insisting you take tranquilizers? Didn't you even consider that he might want you "calm" so you'll roll over even more and take whatever he dishes up? And what the HELL is going on with you and Alex? All of a sudden you're BFFs again after hating each other for years? What exactly is he telling you that is "right" for you?
ReplyDeleteI can't believe anyone could think Julian was trying to do anything but HELP me. I was going crazy with anxiety and he did what he had to do and took care of me. He got me in to see one of the best doctors in under a week and paid for that. He got his best friend to stop hassling me, and to even look out for me. He is not trying to control me, he is trying to make sure I am well enough to get through the next few months (and more). There is so much to do and I need to be well enough to do it. My life is changing right now and I need to face up to that.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I counted the pills and I am now about to take my eighth pill since Thursday. I will only be taking one a day for two more days, then half a one for a few days, then done. I'm on the Zoloft too but I don't expect to feel anything from that for a few weeks. I hope that getting to see Julian on Saturday will help also. :)
I can't believe anyone could think Julian was trying to do anything but HELP me. I was going crazy with anxiety and he did what he had to do and took care of me. He got me in to see one of the best doctors in under a week and paid for that. He got his best friend to stop hassling me, and to even look out for me. He is not trying to control me, he is trying to make sure I am well enough to get through the next few months (and more). There is so much to do and I need to be well enough to do it. My life is changing right now and I need to face up to that.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I counted the pills and I am now about to take my eighth pill since Thursday. I will only be taking one a day for two more days, then half a one for a few days, then done. I'm on the Zoloft too but I don't expect to feel anything from that for a few weeks. I hope that getting to see Julian on Saturday will help also. :)
Melissa, the RFE is honestly NOTHING. Send them photocopies of the passport stamps along with the RFE notice, and that's it. To wait for Julian to arrive to do it is futher delaying the approval of the Petition. The petition portion, btw, is NOT Julian's responsibility. It's yours. YOU are asking for a petition approval. Not Julian. He will have plenty to do after the approval in the UK. There really is NO NEED for all the anxiety about the RFE either from you or Julian. NO NEED. Plus the USCIS are asking YOU for futher info---not Julian.
ReplyDeleteAs for Alex. I really do not know why you AND Julian keep people in your lives who are quite literally toxic to your relationship, and let them affect you both so much. You keep Sean hanging around telling you stuff, and he keeps Alex around. You maintain this blog where really over one half of it is painting such a terrible pictuire of your own fiance, you have half the internet hating him....It really seems like you two have a mutual destruction wish going on.
This whole thing, Julian, Alex, Sean, Noah and everything is so contrived, and everyone involved reactions are so contrary to even common sense and comprehension-that it really is very difficult to actually believe that this is all not someone's flight of fancy as when I read this I am honestly reminded of screen play....But despite reservations I give you the benefit of the doubt ( because I suppose I am gullible).
-tmma
I'm dying to know the bit about what Alex thinks is right for you. Don't leave us hanging!
ReplyDeleteI promised Alex I wouldn't speak about our private conversations. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of doctor prescribes 30 pills if you are only allowed to take 2 per day, for a week only?
ReplyDeleteThe doctor said I could take up to two a day for a week, and then I could continue to take them as needed for another week. Anything left over I can use if I need to if something happens after that. I have taken another benzo before, and I actually don't use that schedule when I take it. I take two a day for three days, then one a day for two days than half and then done (hopefully). I've had the other pill prescribed a few times before and every time I've just held on to the rest and used them when things were tough.
ReplyDeleteDid that make sense?