I know I'm not supposed to take a Klonopin this late, so I haven't, but I really feel like I need to. I can't sleep and I don't really feel like I can talk about what is bothering me without breaking a promise I made.
There's nothing more to say now. It's 3:16AM and I'm still here, my brain is still flipping over on itself and I feel like my thoughts are racing. I took the Klonopin so long ago and I'm supposed to be up in 4 hours to got to work. What am I supposed to do? It's been 9 hours since I took a pill, so I guess it isn't SO bad that I'm having a glass of wine to calm down.
I just want to sleep. I want to sleep for a day or two and forget about all of this.
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I would think that having a glass of wine at 3 a.m. isn't a good idea even if it is just one glass. Do take care.
ReplyDeleteI'm OK. I had to get up at 7, and I guess I got about 3 hours of sleep. Ugh! So tired now. I'm really hoping I can make it through the day. I can't take another pill until I get home, and my brain is still really restless. I can't stop thinking about some of the conversations I have had with people about the visa, and the wedding and everything, and why I just can't get things right even when I really try to, and how much I should trust my own feelings when I feel so out of control at times. I have my first therapy session on Thursday evening, after work. I hope this will help.
ReplyDeleteAnd why is that exactly? You Americans are so hung up on alcohol and the right and proper time to consume it. Stupid! Your body doesn't know what time it is, but it sure as hell knows when it wants a drink. There's nothing wrong with a drink at 3am or 5am or noon to help one relax.
ReplyDeleteObviously my comment was directed at the first commenter dear. As we discussed, do try to get some rest.
ReplyDeleteMelissa, if you're actually real, and not just a figment of some vj'ers active imagination, you cannot get to therapy fast enough. You obviously have a severe dependency problem...whether it be these new meds, Julian, Sean, Alex, et al, validation from ANYONE and everyone (it seems from this blog), alcohol, weed, etc. Stop feeling the need to grab something to 'make it all better'. It's grown up time. Do try to sort your head out with a therapist so that you csn hopefully become a fully functioning adult who can stand on her own, if that's possible.
ReplyDelete- Happy Bunny
Last I knew, Melissa was a 'fully functioning adult who can stand on her own' already. She has an apartment, manages to pay her bills (occasionally on time), holds a job, even managed to graduate university with very good marks. She's not some retarded duffer like you try to make her out to be. 3/4 of your country is on some kind of anti-anxiety or anti-depression medication, but Melissa has dependency issues? Bollocks. Sounds to me as if you might be projecting your own insecurities on somebody else.
ReplyDeleteJulian, I can read your comment but it isn't showing up. I love you so much. I can't wait to see you -- just three more days!
ReplyDeleteNope, no projecting here Julian. She may partially function as an adult, but obviously she has some real issues, and for you to gloss over that is quite short sighted. Whether you admit them on here, or even to yourself is for another day. But as Melissa's supposed 'other half', it's time for you to either take off the rose-colored glasses and LOOK at what's going on. You even just had to have a snipe at her not paying her bills on time!
ReplyDeleteThe bottom line is, big whoop, you got an RFE. And there's a wedding, which I'm sure is stressful, and a house purchase, which I'm sure is stressful as well. But at the end of the day, weddings and houses are happy times. No one's dying, no one's ill. Effing hell, perspective much? The fact that a silly RFE for something so correctable has sent her in such a tailspin needing such heavy drugs, as well as weed and booze, and multiple days off work to 'handle' things speaks a LOT more than anything ever could.
Again, not that I think you two are real anyways, but it's fun to play along every now and again.
Don't muck about with it, call your ISP and have them fix it.
ReplyDeleteUmmm, I think it's a Blogger issue. I googled it and it looks like some people are having problems too, not just me. What's an ISP?
ReplyDeleteHappy Bunny, I AM a fully functioning adult and I do NOT rely on marijuana or alcohol or even my new medication to get me through the days. I can't say this enough: this is not about the RFE! I have so much happening right now and I am confused. Who hasn't had a glass of wine sometimes? Or a joint? And I have had anxiety issues for over ten years, this isn't anything new. It's just that I am FINALLY getting a diagnosis -- GAD -- after not knowing what was wrong with me.
Julian, I love you. As I said before, three days. Three days!!! :)
'Happy Bunny': you don't believe we're real, which you believe gives you license to toss out psychobabble bullshit just so you can be part of the game. But in fact you are messing with other peoples' lives. If you think it's all just a game, then congratulations you win the prize. Now please just move along and find somebody else to psychoanalyse. We're all fine here, thank you very much.
ReplyDeleteNo, I am actually giving my opinion DESPITE the fact that I think you're probably fictitious. If you are real, this is a very sad situation for Melissa, and Thursday cannot come soon enough, imo. If you even READ this blog, you could not say 'we're all fine'.
ReplyDeleteThis is not intended to mock, btw.
And I'll hold off giving my opinion when your drama ceases to be public.
Which just proves my point. You are here for your own gratification, not--as you claim--to help. You're just another troll.
ReplyDelete"Last I knew, Melissa was a 'fully functioning adult who can stand on her own' already. She's not some retarded duffer like you try to make her out to be."
ReplyDeleteJulian, you're the one who won't let her just get on with sending in the evidence for the RFE. You piss and moan about the process being delayed. How long have you known about the RFE now? A week? And you're not going over for another 3 days. YOU are delaying the process by treating her like a child.
Oh hello again 'Anonymous.'
ReplyDeleteI would rather suffer a small delay than for it to be mishandled again. If it were returned AGAIN then that would hardly help things, now would it? What's the problem with another set of eyes looking at it before we send it off again? I don't know how many chances you get on blowing an RFE but I'd rather send it in a week later and have it be right than to rush it into the post with more errors and raise more red flags.
Christ, you people bleat when I'm supposedly not there to help her, and then you bleat when I insist on helping her. At least make up your mind which devil I am.
"I don't know how many chances you get on blowing an RFE but I'd rather send it in a week later and have it be right than to rush it into the post with more errors and raise more red flags."
ReplyDeleteCompletely negates:
"She's not some retarded duffer like you try to make her out to be."
YOU are making her out to be retarded, and incapable of dealing it with herself. You are NOT helping her, and you know it. You are being VERY disrespectful towards her. But I guess it doesn't matter since Melissa seems to enjoy it.
Julian, just as scorchio as ever. If you ever give up on Melissa, let us know!
ReplyDeleteHmmm, is this the same Anonymous as before, or a brand new Anonymous? But I guess it doesn't matter since you're all trolls anyway.
ReplyDeleteSo you're saying that either I believe Melissa is capable of handling this RFE herself, or that she's retarded. It can't possibly be anything in between, she's either a genius or a retard. Brilliant logic, you must be from the great American state of Texas.
Here, I'll try to make this as simple as possible, since I know how difficult it is to get a decent post-grade 4 education in your system: having two people look at this RFE is better than one. We don't want any more mistakes, we don't want any more omissions. It's not about who's at fault, it's about fixing the problem without adding more problems so we can get on with it. How this is such a bad thing is beyond me.
I'm from the UK, Julian. I had a very good education, and this may shock you - Mummy and Daddy didn't even have to pay for it.
ReplyDeleteIt's the way you say it that bothers me. You make it out as if Melissa WILL mess it up. You treat her like a child. You say it's not about who's at fault but on more than one occasion you have blamed her directly.
Just a word of warning, as you may not know this, but America is FULL of Americans. You may want to reconsider moving if you are unable to control your seething hatred of them. The way you talk about Americans is actually quite obnoxious.
Julian is definetely not an open minded person.You can't generlize about people in a way he does , he proves that even the best education and money will not teach you common sense. I am not English, I am not American but I have lived in both countries. I would never put people in the same bag as you do. I am living in Texas right now and guess what my daughter is American, she is only 5 years old speaking 3 languages fluently. She is getting the best education I could ever imagine for her. I have made many friends in both countries by being open minded. I will give you advice. DO the same, otherwise you will hate living here. Please do not concentrate on stereotypes....because they are just stereotypes...
ReplyDeleteK.
'Julian is definetely not an open minded person.You can't generlize about people in a way he does'
ReplyDeleteand
'he proves that even the best education and money will not teach you common sense.'
Pot, meet kettle.
Julian = moron
ReplyDeleteJulian = spoilt, arrogant, obnoxious, manipulating prick
ReplyDeleteJulian = Hilariously funny and probably hot.
ReplyDeleteMuriel
God, can't you people just leave us alone? Julian is trying to stick up for me and protect me, but that isn't enough? What do you want from us? I am SICK and you still do this? Julian is not spoiled, arrogant, obnoxious or manipulating! He may have some very strong opinions but if you don't like them TOUGH. You're not the one marrying him!
ReplyDeleteAnd I am NOT an idiot. I can take care of myself, as Julian said. He likes to help me when he can -- who doesn't like to help their SO? REALLY? God. And for the last time -- and this is to the person whose comment thankfully isn't showing up -- I DID NOT SLEEP WITH ALEX IN SEATTLE.
Melissa is correct. The motel was technically located in unincorporated Seattle.
ReplyDeleteO.o
ReplyDeleteAlex and I are ancient history. We were friends, then we went out for THREE WEEKS, and we have been falling out with each other for ages but we always seem to make up. AS FRIENDS. He came out to visit me when I was desperately alone and Julian wouldn't even speak with me. He drove me back down to LA -- do you know how long a drive that is? -- and stayed with me while I figured out what I was doing with my life.
ReplyDeleteGood grief...
ReplyDeleteif you want the world to leave you alone, Melissa, why do you have comments open on a public blog that's available for ALL to read AND post comments on? leaving comments allowed is allowing the very attention you say you do not want.
All of this is so contrary. on one had, Julian posts that you cannot be trusted to 9a) buy a car (b) send in a petition for a fiance and (c) handle an RFE without his check-over....and then in the next breath waxes lyrical about what a capeable woman you are.
Why do you keep bringing Alex/Seattle up? No one but you brought the Alex thing up in this segment. I can only wonder how on earth Julian must feel about that because he got wadded up when you went for a picnic with Sean in the car Julian bought and sent Julian off because of ' what people would think'. It's obvious what people think, because you advertise it all.
Honestly, the majority (including YOU, melissa) pain Julian out to be the worst, arrogant piece of poop...and i am of a different opinion, actually.
if you are real and if all the escapades you have described REALLY happened as you meticulously detail then my heart goes out to Julian because after his visa is approved and he gets here, he is going to be reliant on you for so many things...Most of which money cannot solve.
Get your therapy, take your meds as prescribed and get a grip. Do it for him and stop advertising your prior sex life.
As for why am i reading and commenting. Well, honestly, i am really that bored right now, and i can because it's public and comments are open.
tmma-vj
Hon, this is 'teh interwebs.' If you air your dirty laundry, you will have curious onlookers. You can't write about such personal stuff on the internet, leave your comments enabled and then ask, 'WHY AREN'T YOU PEOPLE LEAVING ME ALONE?' It sounds like you want attention and looks like you're getting it. This is like a trainwreck -- I want to but can't look away.
ReplyDeleteI sympathize with you on the RFE, though. We had one during our NVC stage and it did delay us for about 3 weeks. Looking back, it was just a minor bump in the process and I'm ashamed of how abominably I behaved during that period. Things like that fade away when you are finally together, trust me. Eyes on the prize, girl! You're very lucky that you will have your fiance visit you in a couple of days. My husband left 3 days after we got married and I didn't see him till nine months later. Respond to the RFE and I hope you get your NOA2 soon--good luck!