I am so tired and I have so much to write about, but the past two days have been incredibly busy. Julian's already passed out in my bed but I just wanted to say that I think we have decided on a house! So excited. Julian's going to see his lawyers tomorrow in Downtown LA -- they'll be handling everything for us.
Dinner was...interesting. I will have to write more about that tomorrow too. I know Jocasta is really trying to be nice to me. I think we have a lot of cultural differences that make it hard for us to understand each other. I know she means well and I know she loves Julian and just wants him to be happy.
Eeek -- I think I woke Julian up with my typing because he just called out from the bedroom for me to get back into bed. Well, that's not exactly what he said...! Oops. Can I just say how glad I am to see him?
Till tomorrow, everyone.
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As if we needed to know more about your sex life, Melissa. Sheesh. Overshare much?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, you sound jealous.
ReplyDeleteMuriel
Why does everyone assume that when someone makes a negative comment it's because they're jealous? I'm quite content with my own sex life and don't need to hear about Melissa and that skankbag Julian. Probably just telling her off anyway for daring to leave his sex dungeon. Bleh.
ReplyDeleteHey don't judge. Dungeon sex is the best sex!
ReplyDeleteMake sure your name is on the deed! :-)
ReplyDeleteKnowing Julian, I bet it's Mummy's name on the deed with him.
ReplyDeleteMelissa, we want to know all about your hot dungeon sex sessions with Julian. Are you secretly the top, or is it Julian who wields the studded paddle?
The sex is indeed hot, steamy, and on top, middle, bottom, and everywhere in between! Whips, chains, toys, goats, Filipino prostitutes, midgets, unidentifiable bits of machinery, it's all there bitches! I'm only hoping Melissa posts pics with me in my leather bustier, Doc Martins, and riding crop!
ReplyDelete- Jocasta
<3 <3 <3
ReplyDeleteWhat exactly is it that I said in my short post that made you people think that I was talking about a sex dungeon? I said that Julian told me to get back into bed! It was late at night and we had to be up early -- I had to go to work today and Julian is at his lawyers' office. How often and what kind of sex Julian and I have is NONE of your business!
ReplyDeleteAnd whoever that was pretending to be Jocasta, very funny. Yes, Julian and his mother are having sex and I'm part of it. Seriously, who are you people? I may not get along with my future mother-in-law as well as I could, but that gives you NO RIGHT to come on here and write disgusting lies like that. You make me sick.
And OF COURSE my name is going to be on the deed. It is our home and I told Julian that I want to have my name on the title so that when we do AOS we can prove joint ownership. He will also put me on his bank accounts too so we can show more co-mingling of assets. I'm the one signing the I-864 after all!
And whoever called Julian a skankbag, go look in the mirror, you bitch.
I think mummy had to come because she's paying for the house and not because she knows anything about California housing and building codes. Well done Melissa to know about AOS already and insist your name is there as co-owner. But I worry it won't be, and J & J will have some logical reason why it had to be in their name, and you'll fall for their excuses. Be a strong woman and get your half of the house!
ReplyDeleteOh and people don't really think you have a sex dungeon. There's just some pranksters being silly on here. Don't take it too literally. The far-out comments are best ignored.
"And whoever called Julian a skankbag, go look in the mirror, you bitch."
ReplyDeleteHey, I'm actually pretty hot! And not a whiny little emo headcase! And my soon-to-be-husband isn't a goat-fucking mama's boy!
Oh, and "How often and what kind of sex Julian and I have is NONE of your business!" - but apparently it's our business what kind of sex you and Alex have? You make it our business, sugartits.
Melissa says her sex life is none of our business...
ReplyDeleteThat's why she posted about her sex life in an off-topic thread on VJ yesterday.
I'm not joking.
"And my soon-to-be-husband isn't a goat-fucking mama's boy!"
ReplyDeleteHey let's be fair here. From what I can tell, it was Jocasta that fucked the goat, not Julian. The details are fuzzy, but what we know absolutely for sure is that Melissa fucked Alex, like, a lot. That may or may not have been with a goat and Jocasta, details hopefully forthcoming soon.
Melissa you are just DIRTY. Who does sex times with a goat? That's just not right.
ReplyDeleteNo no no no NO!!!! Jocasta was fucking the goat, JOCASTA! SHE is the dirty girl! Melissa is as clean as the driven snow.
ReplyDeleteWait, I though Jocasta was fucking Julian? Is Jocasta a goat? I am confused. And horrified. And I have a small lady-boner also.
ReplyDeleteOh holy shit, Julian is a goat?!?!?! This is information I really would have liked to have known weeks ago. I don't mean to be judgemental, but won't they need to file a waiver with USCIS?
ReplyDeleteWell, Julian will need to file one. If he lets Melissa do it she will just MESS IT UP AND RUIN EVERYTHING AND WHY HAVE YOU NOT PUT FRESH HAY DOWN IN MY GOAT-DEN VILE WENCH? Get those little trotters moving, Julian!
ReplyDeleteOh yes, how clever you all are. Julian is fucking his mother, someone's a goat, and Melissa is to blame for it all. Do you have any compassion for this woman? As I'm sure you all know, since I'm willing to place 50 quid on it down at the bookies', Melissa is in a very delicate emotional state at the moment. I only just got off the phone with her; she is, as one would imagine, in a great deal of distress. From the words that you have written. Of course she knows you don't believe them, she's not an idiot, although some of you think you know better. But words have consequences, even when meant in jest.
ReplyDeleteFuck off, you disgusting plebs.
What is wrong with you people? You're disgusting. Have you no morals? No conscience? This is my mother you're talking about, not some faceless pan handler, but a real live person with feelings. She's a lovely woman, and if you'd ever met her you'd crawl under a rock and die after saying such things. Say what you want about me, I could give a fucking toss about the lot of you, but leave my mum out. She's done nothing to you, and she doesn't deserve it.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, just FUCK YOU ALL! God you disgust me.
ReplyDeleteYou COULD give a fucking toss about us? Oh, Julian, I didn't know you cared! If Melissa was really that traumatised by silly comments on her blog, she'd stop writing it. But she's an attention whore, so that won't happen.
ReplyDeleteAt least she has the courage to post under her own name, you faceless muppets.
ReplyDeleteSo, Anonymous 2.55, you know Melissa well enough to proclaim she's an attention whore? She set up one silly little blog that she never once dreamed anyone would read, let alone read with such assiduity that they can quote what they believe to be chapter and verse about her life. Some of you act as though you were stalking her on that online forum as well.
ReplyDeleteI know this woman, better than any of you tossers. She is fair, generous, sweet-natured when she has little reason to be. And yet like hyenas you pick on her because she is easy prey in your eyes. Try it with me. I think you'll find me a much more formidable opponent.
Julian and Alex, you both sound so masterful. Either of you fancy a bunk up?
ReplyDeleteMuriel
Hmmmm, Alex has suddenly calmed down from his acerbic first posts. My guess is either he had sex with Julian, or he slipped over to the U.S. and had sex with Melissa. Either way, He seems much less tense now.
ReplyDeleteOh piss off, both of you. I actually have a girlfriend, and since you are all so interested in our sex lives, I can tell you that the sex is amazing with her. I said some time back that Julian asked me to try to be kind to Melissa as a favour to him. As Melissa has said, I continue to have reservations over their marriage, but in consideration to Julian I have made amends with Melissa. I enjoy her friendship; I had not realised how much I missed her until we began to speak once more.
ReplyDeleteBut really, sod off, you fucking swine.
You don't need to know someone well to know that continually posting every little intimate detail about your private life makes them an attention whore. She closed the comments on this blog for, what, one day? She boohoos over the comments and yet still she leaves them open and continues to post about her ridiculous life because she loves all the attention she gets, negative or not.
ReplyDeleteNobody cares about your sex life, Alex; and inflatables do not count as "girlfriends".
So Alex, you have a fantastic sex life you say. That generally translates over the internet to "I have a 3 inch penis and try to pay strippers to have sex with me"
ReplyDeleteAlex, has your "girlfriend" told you that the reason she prefers you to pound her in the arse is because she really has a penis? Oops, have I spoilt the surprise?
ReplyDeleteWell, well, well. Now I get a chance to be the target of the wrath of Anonymous. What works on Melissa certainly has no effect on me. How quaint -- first you accuse me of fucking my best friend's fiancée, and then when I point out that I am otherwise attached, you think it's clever to cast that as me boasting about what must be an undersized cock. You may continue: I find this incredibly diverting.
ReplyDeleteAnd oh yes, www.alexlovesbigcock.com is my personal webspace. However did you find it? It's a shame it appears to be down, because it features not only the infamous picture of Julian you all are gagging for, but also many of me bumming Julian.
What the fuck do you expect me to do, you fucking arsewipes? You attack my best friend's fiancée, then accuse me of being his gay lover. Or maybe fucking her. Wouldn't you wish to reply to your attackers? At least I put my name to my posts, you fucking cowards.
Oh, Alex! Such foul language! What would Mummy think?!
ReplyDeleteSo is that a no to the bunk up then Alex?
ReplyDeleteMuriel
Oh yes, the old hoary chestnut of bringing people's mothers into it. The last refuge of the imbecile.
ReplyDeleteWith a name like yours, Muriel, I bet you're a stunner and could give Melissa a run for her money.
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say, you haven't attempted to deny the claim. Go back to snorting blow off the arses of Peter Stringfellow's Angels, that seems to be what you are qualified to do in this world.
ReplyDeleteWhat's the house like? Are you preparing to make an offer?
ReplyDeleteListen, Muahahafuckingha. I am not fucking my best friend, nor am I snorting blow off anyone's arse. That's a fucking amateur move anyway.
ReplyDeleteFuck off. It's 1.30am here and I have better things to do than debate semantics with ignorant cunts like you.
Does that mean the bunk up's back on?
ReplyDeleteMuriel
Wait. I'm really confused now. Who's fucking the donkey?
ReplyDeleteI'm not bunking up with a donkey! The last time I did that it made my eyes water!
ReplyDeleteMuriel
Listen, you fucking cocksuckers. There are no donkeys, goats or non-humans involved. I am not going to "bunk up" with anyone except my girlfriend Kate. Melissa and Julian do not, as far as I am aware, have any third parties involved in their sex life.
ReplyDeletePiss off, you little turds. I'm the one who's going to have to hear all about how much you've upset Melissa after she reads these later, and that's not a job I really have time for. Seriously, I hope you fucking die of anal cancer in a fire for this shit.
You're playing hard to get now aren't you Alex?
ReplyDeleteMuriel
Are you by any chance not a native English speaker, Muriel? I know Melissa said that the forum is filled with Filipina brides. Maybe you're one, so out of respect I'll say it slow: FUCK. OFF.
ReplyDeleteI'll take that as a yes then.
ReplyDeleteMuriel
All right then, "Muriel." Why don't you just come to me in London and show me how you love me long time, eh?
ReplyDeleteYou seem very aggressive, Alex. Maybe you should get some happy pills from Melissa's oh-so-expensive Beverley Hills doctor.
ReplyDelete"I'm the one who's going to have to hear all about how much you've upset Melissa after she reads these later, and that's not a job I really have time for. "
ReplyDeleteWhy would she call you up to whinge down the phone? Can't she just weep into the arms of our dashing hero, Julian Iglesias?
p.s. you love bumholes
@ Alex: If Melissa genuinely despises the attention then she should turn the comments off. The fact is that not long ago she was disappointed that her comments were not showing up.
ReplyDeleteThis is not the act of a person traumatised by what anon, anon and anon have to say is it? It is clearly more an act of a desperate and disturbed young woman who craves attention from anybody. Be it good, bad or ugly.
Incredibly unhealthy.
Melissa, make sure you are on the deed to the house. I have to be honest and say that I dont think you and Julian are a great match. I certainly dont want to see you lose it all if your marriage goes the way 50% of other marital unions do. By signing the I-864 you are on the hook for Julian for 10 years. The house should be Julian's way of reciprocating the trust and legal commitment that you are showing.
Read everything before you sign, talk to mum and dad and consider having someone else look over the contract before you sign it.
~EC
Sure you have a girlfriend alex. Next thing you'll be telling us that you don't enjoy your boyfriend and bumming. I think at this point you're a bit beyond "youthful indiscretion" and moved into the realm of the full blown poof. I'd be willing to wager that "kate" knows this too and is just in it for the money and blow.
ReplyDeleteWhere is your real post Melissa!? Don't leave us in suspense just because of all the nasty comments...
ReplyDeleteSorry everyone for not posting as I promised. It was an exhausting day... I'm drafting a post right now, but our offer was accepted!
ReplyDeleteYou're right, they are nasty comments and just words on a page. I know my fiance loves me, and Alex is looking out for me. That's enough for me.
LOOK AT ME EVERYONE
ReplyDeleteLOOK HOW MUCH MONEY MY FIANCE HAS
I DON'T CARE IF YOU POST SOMETHING NEGATIVE, PLEASE JUST POST SOMETHING! ANYTHING! OH GOD, PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEE!
DESPERATE DESPERATE DESPERATE
Get a grip, anonymous.
ReplyDeleteWow, some of you are just cruel.
ReplyDelete