Quick post -- just back from Jen's. Jenn was there, and I was a little upset, because clearly this was Jen's way of trying to make us all be friends again. I mean, Jenn was very nice and said we should just just let all the past issues just go but I knew she wasn't happy with me still being with Julian. I was nice back and said yeah, maybe we should just not talk about J and she seemed so happy with that I thought: well, if you can't love the person your so-called best friend is marrying, what kind of a friend are you? I was very friendly and we seem to have kind of patched it up. I'm only doing it for Jen.
And then, oh, just to make it better, Jenn actually CALLED Sean and made me talk to him. Awkward doesn't even begin. He said he was sorry for making Julian mad at me, and that he would never DREAM of doing anything to make me feel uncomfortable, and that if I had issues with Julian that he would accept it was his fault. I'm still mad at him, but at least I feel like what happened looked bad. Nothing else. He wants to get together in the next few weeks but if I say yes, then Jen needs to be there.
AND I am getting my hair colored tomorrow! Not sure of the color, but likely to be a dark red-brown. Why not?
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Just because you're marrying Julian doesn't mean that all your friends have to love him too. They have their own opinions and it is a childish view that you think that's one thing that defines friendship. It is clear that many people believe Julian doesn't treat you right, on VJ and elsewhere in your life. I'm sure Jenn is just another person trying to look out for you that you are pushing away.
ReplyDeleteAgree with the previous poster. I NEVER liked the guy my best friend from high school married; funnily enough, they're divorcing right now after what she sees as 12 wasted years. That didn't mean I wasn't her friend during all those years. It just meant I thought she could do better and deserved better.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments -- I really do read them! I am trying not to push anyone away because of what Julian thinks about them or what they they think of him. Yes, I am not getting on with Jenn at the moment, but it's not just about Julian. There's other stuff too that goes back a long way. And with Sean, I just can't deal with that right now. Maybe after I'm married and more secure I can be his friend again.
ReplyDeleteI guess what I mean to say is that we should support our friends in their decisions, even when we think they are wrong. :) If Jenn kept her opinions to herself, no matter what they are, I would be happy.
Julian DOES treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I am his princess and he never neglects to keep me satisfied. I appreciate hearing what other people have to say though!
It seemed like the issues were all about Julian when you said 'well, if you can't love the person your so-called best friend is marrying, what kind of a friend are you?'. If there's other issues between you two then ok.
ReplyDeleteI don't agree that we should support our friends in their decisions despite our feelings. Isn't that what a true friend is? To not just agree with you on everything and point out and help you when they think something is up? Kind of an extreme example but if Jenn was being physically abused by someone that she loved but she said it was alright because she loved the man, would you support her decision to stay with him? Probably not and it is your duty as a friend to help her. Her feelings towards you and Julian are probably a diluted version of that.
I'm not trying to say that Julian doesn't keep you happy. It just seems he is disrespectful and rude about you sometimes to a degree that a lot of people wouldn't put up with. He should have taken a stand for you with Alex a long time ago, it's the little things which say the most. Not all the stuff he can buy you to make you 'happy'.
You said, "If Jenn kept her opinions to herself, no matter what they are, I would be happy." I find that an interesting commentary on friendship. So, in your view, friends are only supposed to parrot back your own views to you, and if they can't do that, they shouldn't say anything at all?
ReplyDeleteI guess I've always seen my friends as people who care about me enough to tell me what I need to hear, even if that may not be what I WANT to hear.
It seems very much a 'tell me what I want to hear' situation. But the important thing to realize is that if you didn't show Julian in such a bad light, perhaps they wouldn't feel as they do.
ReplyDeleteJust reading these comments now. Yes, if Jenn was being abused by her boyfriend of course I would say something. I love Jenn, even with all that is going on between us. And yes, it is good to hear other viewpoints. I guess it's just that I thought she would be more sympathetic to what I'm going through. Her boyfriend is with her, and being apart from Julian just seems to bring out bad things in me. When he's here, I'm much less sensitive. I guess.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is NOT Julian's money I'm after, or what it buys. I'm so sick of hearing this! Yes, he has money but ultimately it is him that I want, not his money. I think what people see of me on here is maybe not who I really am. Or who he is. Maven can tell you that, maybe. Alex is a real problem to me. We have a lot of unfinished business, I guess. The story is more complicated than I guess I have told. The comments section is probably not the place to say it.
I don't think they were trying to say that you are with him for the money but when you say on VJ about getting a nice piece of jewelry for him being an idiot etc it tends to come off wrong. Seems like the point was more about the way he treats you and is quite disrespectful and rude towards you.
ReplyDeleteI agree that a lot of this is 'tell me what I want to hear'.