I'm really, really worried about the touches now. We got another one and we still don't have the NOA2, which I really thought we would have had by now. I'm getting nervous that we're going to get an RFE, which is a Request for Further Evidence. This usually means that you have forgotten to put something in your packet or you forgot to sign something or whatever. But I know I checked the packet at least six times before I sent it, so I don't know what they would want. Maybe I celebrated too soon.
All the worry has been making me literally sick. I can't stop thinking about what would happen if we got an RFE. It could slow the process down for weeks. I can hardly sleep and I ended up talking in the middle of the night last night to Julian because I needed to feel connected to him. I feel so alone and he is so far away. He is really, really concerned about my health because I told him I feel like I can't eat anything and I can't sleep. He said I should think about seeing the doctor about this, and I should consider something like anti-anxiety medication. We talked about this again later in the day (after I got two hours sleep) and he said that Alex has a friend who knows a doctor in Beverly Hills, and that maybe I should go see him. I have had Ativan (Lorazepam) before when I broke up with Julian last year and it really helped. I would normally go to my own doctor, but Julian insists that this doctor is supposed to be the best, and he had looked up references and everything. He says not to worry that the doctor doesn't take my insurance because he will cover it. He just wants not to hear me crying all the time.
And it seems like all I did today. I kept having to run to the bathroom at work (the one on the fifth floor where it's just one toilet so you can lock the door and noone can come in) and cry and throw up. Or since I had nothing to throw up just dry heave. I know Julian is coming soon (he now has tickets for coming on the 10th) so just another 2 weeks until I can hold him again but I would give ANYTHING to have him here with me now. Talking to him is the only thing I can do to help how I feel, but sometimes hearing his voice just makes me too sad. We try skype video chats and that makes me feel even worse. It's like not hearing him is terrible but talking to him is also not helping as much as it could.
But I did call the doctor today and I have an appointment for next Thursday at 2pm. He's a psychopharmacologist and I have a feeling that I just need to go on medication for a week or so, just something to reset me and break this feeling that things are just completely messed up and I will never get my Julian over here. I know he's coming soon, but I mean get him over here for good.
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You're going to go on anti-anxiety meds just because you have to wait a few more days to find out what's going on with your petition? Chances are you'll get a letter in the next week, either your NOA2 or an RFE, or whatever it is. Medication should be a last resort. You just have to WAIT, like everyone else going through this process. I waited over a month just for my case to move from NVC to the Embassy and I wouldn't have even dreamed of going so far as to take drugs to reduce my stress levels.
ReplyDeleteMelissa wait till Monday!!!! I am sure you will get NOA2 then! I will keep my fingers crossed for you!!! Aga from VJ
ReplyDeleteWhat's the big deal about getting an RFE? Lots of people get them and life still goes on. It's not like anyone will die is it?
ReplyDeleteIn the words of the inimitable Maven... VJ sheesh!
The last bit of time before the NOA2 was the hardest for me. The more you check your online status, the more disappointed you get. So make yourself stop checking. It will come soon. Don't crumble over something as minor as this. There are some real tragedies in life and this isn't one of them. Be a big girl and get busy with something to occupy you time and focus.
ReplyDeleteto the last poster - don't you think she is busy enough? Planning a wedding, trying to find a house, working and worrying about immigration?
ReplyDeletePsychopharmacologist in Beverly Hills?? Was Michael Jackson one of his patients? Be careful.
ReplyDeleteRight, but some of those worries are avoidable. No point worrying about the touches - she'll most likely find out what they mean in a few days time. No need to look for a house either - she's only looking for one because Julian refuses to live with her in her flat (heaven forbid, living like a commoner!). She could wait until he's over to do that. No point planning a wedding either since Julian will demand she changes everything anyway.
ReplyDeletethe whole obsession with touches on VJ is ridiculous. checking the USCIS site every *will* make you go crazy.
ReplyDeleteGood grief...calm down.
ReplyDeleteThe reason why I want to go on anti-anxiety medication is not just about touches or VJ. Believe it or not I have other things in my life that are very stressful. Someone mentioned the house and the wedding. I am doing something about not worrying about the house by letting Julian and his lawyers take care of the sale. But the wedding and work and my friend Sean and Julian's friend Alex are all making me feel like I have no control over a lot of things in my life and I just want to not feel like I am going to cry all the time. I was on Ativan before and it really helped me when I thought I had ruined my life by leaving Julian. I was able to get a better focus on my life.
ReplyDeleteThis doctor is supposed to be excellent and he will also refer me to a therapist too so I can deal with my problems without getting hooked on anxiety meds. I have had anxiety problems on and off since I was a kid so I'm used to going to therapy -- and it really works!
GOOD GRIEF people. do you have nothing better to do?
ReplyDeleteThis process affects different people in different ways. You cannot compare what you felt to how she feels. We all have our different capacities for different situations...I went a little batshit crazy when my case was stuck after the interview for a month. I deal with most of life's crazies quite fine like comforting parents after their kid dies (ICU nurse) and the stress of moving to a new state on the opposite coast by myself where I knew nobody and starting a career at the age of 22...yet last month when I was rear-ended fairly badly by another car I became extremely depressed. I couldn't leave my bed for a few days and cried a lot.
It was only a rear-end...not a major car accident. But I was experiencing some post-traumatic stress over it. I refuse to be ashamed about how I felt because the experience is unique to who I am and how I process things. If it happened on a daily basis, sure, it would be a problem. But the last time I had felt like that was 4 years ago when my then boyfriend of 2.5 years broke it off suddenly.
seriously, guys, back off. You really show your true character when you post crap like that.
You got PTSD from a very minor traffic accident? Good job you've never joined the military!
ReplyDeleteI did not get PTSD. The DSM-IV qualifiers did not apply to my situation...
ReplyDeleteI did have a qualifying traumatic event, but my PTS only lasted for a few days after it and did not result in:
a) persistent re-experiencing
b) duration of symptoms for more than 30 days
Really, you should know what you're talking about before trying to label someone...especially someone from the healthcare field!
And if you read my post, different events affect people in different ways. I worked in trauma surg for awhile and have seen some pretty grisly injuries in my patients, including many severed limbs, neuro injuries, flesh-eating bacteria, etc etc. While I will not presume to know how I would react in a field hospital in Iraq/Afghanistan/Kuwait, I feel confident in my abilities.
Just because I didn't react the way that the majority of the general population during this event might doesn't mean that my feelings are invalid or that I am unsuited for the military. In fact, I think I would be a stronger candidate because I'm able to recognize these sorts of feelings and am not afraid to get help when I need it.
It's those that don't seek out help who are worse off. I know. Because I also saw many verterans during my psych rotation at a VA hospital where they ended up after trying to commit suicide because they didn't feel like they could tell anyone how they felt after their war experiences.
Which is also why it is REQUIRED for soldiers coming back from the war these days to go through a few days of integrating back into western society. My father is a career Army officer 30+ years along with my uncle who is 25+ years, both served in the Gulf and Iraqi wars.
oh, and btw, the "very minor traffic accident" cost my car $1200 in damages, of which the lady refused to pay and pretended she did not hit me...and my back and neck hurt for the next day.
ReplyDeleteLet's get things in perspective: Melissa is just waiting on an update that will blatantly come in the next few days. She's not been in a car accident or been in the war or lost a damn leg. If she can't cope with something as trivial (in the grand scheme of immigration) as this without pills then there's really no hope.
ReplyDeleteIt is not just about the NOA2! I am very stressed out about a lot of things right now, including AS I SAID all the stuff about Sean and Alex. I am out shopping this afternoon with Caitlin at the Beverly Center so I am posting from my Blackberry and I can't reply like I want to to Justine, who seems to really understand what I am going through. Why are so many people not able to understand we all deal with stress in different ways? As I said, I have had problems with anxiety most of my life. I am seeking help. Isn't that the right thing to do?
ReplyDeleteTo Justine. I do know what I'm talking about when it comes to PTSD, I work in the healthcare field now and I'm ex military. It's obvious from your rambling posts that you get upset by things easily and you seem to be cut from the same cloth as Melissa.
ReplyDeleteHaha, I doubt it. Where's the whistle smiley when you need it? :)
ReplyDeleteYou can disbelieve me all you like, but it's true. I know a lot of people from VJ in real life and they know I'm telling the truth. I couldn't care less whether or not you do.
ReplyDeleteThen why did you post again if you don't care? The irony is somewhat delectable :)
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your life Anonymous :)
Don't worry, I will. :o)
ReplyDeleteMelissa, do whatever you need to do to get through all this without freaking out! if you want therapy-that's a really good idea; it may help and I have respect for ppl that admit they need help and seek it. It's actually a glimmer of adult light there to me as far as you are concerned. So if that's what you need to cope...go for it. The stress is going to be much worse when he gets here.....I know what i am talking about here.....And you need both feet on the ground as he will be counting on you to be there for him in so many practical ways.
ReplyDelete-tmma from VJ
oh PS ( going to state obvious here)...Just don't go OTT on the meds. Therapy is the way 1st!
ReplyDeletetmma
Thank you tmma! I am only going to go on medication for a very short period of time. The doctors don't like you to stay on the anti-anxiety stuff too long because it's addictive. They usually give me a month or so at a time, and I take it for a week and then after that only as I need to. Therapy works for me and I have been putting it off even though I know I need to do it. I guess I have not wanted to start therapy because I don't want to face some of the problems I have right now.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being supportive though. :) I am watching the England-Germany game "with" Julian right now and that is helping too. :)
I'm with you Melissa.
ReplyDeleteSometimes just the littlest of things to someone who has A LOT going on around them (like you do) is enough to stress someone out. If going on medication to bring you back into a sense of normalcy is what will work for you, then good for you :) Ignore all the 'nay-sayers'. People react different under different situations and different stresses. The only person who knows what will help your current situation best is YOU and not some random 'know it all' anonymous poster.
Also, dont stress too much about the NOA2. It will come. It may come soon, it may come in a month or 2, but it will come. Also, dont perseverate on checking the online status as often this is inaccurate. I got my NOA2 without any online updates which was a nice little surprise (when it arrived in the mail my current online status was 'pending').
Good luck
DD
Good grief! grow up!
ReplyDeleteGod forbid you ever have *real* trauma, instead of all this fake silly crap you supposedly wrap yourself up in.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right to seek a therapist. You really need it.