Drinks at the Snug

Wow! What a great evening with Maven (I kept calling her elmcitymaven on VJ, but she told me people refer to her as Maven on VJ). I promised I would keep her real name off of here so she will be Maven from now on. We ended up not going to the Blue Room after all, but to the Snug on Magnolia, because Maven said she got a little paranoid that I had posted on my blog (she is one of my readers!) that we were going to the Blue Room; she said you never know who reads these things. Not that she thought she or I would have a stalker, she said, but you never know how crazy people can be. Not a problem, except neither of us had ever been to the Snug, so we had no idea what to expect! It was a little loud later on, but we could hear each other pretty well.

Anyway, I wasn't sure what it would be like to meet someone from VJ, and I guess I kind of did think about what Julian said about people not being who they say they are on the internet, but Maven is a lot like what she really IS like on VJ, except she can swear (censored out on VJ) as much as she wants and is a little bit nicer, I think. She is also really small -- I wasn't expecting to meet someone shorter than me, but she's about 5 feet tall. Not how I pictured her at all! She told me I looked like I was a child, not anywhere near old enough to get married. :)

She told me a bit about her own visa journey -- she had lived in mostly London for 12 years, and had been married to two different English men. She and her second husband decided they were sick of living in London and wanted something new so they moved to America. Since they were already married AND living in the UK, they had a spousal visa called a CR1 and it took only 5 months to get. I told her I was jealous that she could live with her husband the whole time, and she said "You wouldn't be if you had to live with MY husband through that process. He was convinced the whole time that he was secretly HIV positive or had a conviction that he couldn't recall, or that they wouldn't like the cut of his jib at the interview."

This is also REALLY weird -- she was at Bristol too! She did a Masters there about 9 years before I did my year abroad. AND... her best friend there lived in the same block of flats I lived in while I was there! Neither of us could believe it, but it was true. She told me a little about what Bristol was like when she was there, and I did the same. It turned out we had two of the same favorite pubs -- The Coronation Tap and The Highbury Vaults. I said I could totally see her as one of the stressed out grad students we would see in the Vaults in the afternoons, and she laughed and said yes, she had been one of them!

She told me a little about some of the personalities on VJ, particularly in the UK forum, and who were her friends in real life there. She has apparently met about 10 people from VJ, and some of them have become very close friends. She had a lot of funny stories to tell about VJ people, and she told me who she couldn't stand at all, but I promised her I wouldn't say anything about that! She also asked me some questions about myself, about what I thought about my hometown, and what I thought of VJ in general and the visa process. She said she couldn't be a lot of help with the K1 process (K1 is the visa Julian and I are applying for), but she offered to be someone who would listen to my worries and fears and try to help with some of the things that have to be done when we get to the interview stage, since that is basically the same for the fiance and spouse visas.

She also told me she was a little concerned about how Julian seems to treat me on VJ and in this blog, although she said she was hardly going to tell me how to live my life. She said her first husband had been a bit of a bully when it came to her weight and appearance, and she found herself giving into a lot of crazy, manipulative behavior because she was blinded by love. I said I loved Julian the way he was, and that he isn't manipulative, he just happens to know a lot better sometimes than me about how to do things. Julian's just more practical than I am, that's just how it is. She looked a little uncomfortable, but said she would be here for me if Julian started acting like a "prat" once he gets over here.

I guess I started opening up to her, because I told her a bit about why J and I broke up in the first place. I haven't really wanted to get into this since it seems like it happened in another lifetime. Short version: J and I were members of an online forum, and Alex and one of his friends (or maybe it was just Alex, I still don't know) became members too, but using fake names. They made me their friend online and I was chatting away with them a lot. Then they started saying horrible things all of a sudden, like J was gay, and I was his beard; or that I was a golddigger and going to bleed him dry. At first Julian was so ANGRY he threatened to hunt the people down, because I was so upset; then Alex let him know it was him (and supposedly another friend) and all of a sudden J thought it was all so funny that I was taken in. I decided that I was sick of him choosing Alex over me and said that we were over, done with. We were all set to file the fiance visa but I never sent the papers. I let Julian know we were not going ahead. He said fine, he didn't care at all. There's a lot more, but it's a long story and although I told Maven a bit more about it, and about my more specific issues with Alex, I don't want to talk about them right now because I just want to focus on happier things.

I ended up giving her a ride home since she had been dropped off at the Snug by a friend and her husband wasn't around. Something is up there, I don't know what, but she just seemed a little sad when she talked about him and I told her then what I tell her now (since I assume she will read this!) -- sometimes it is just tough loving an Englishman! She laughed and told me yeah, she knew that TOO well! I came in for a cup of tea and I played with her sweet cat George. She gave me a hug when I left and she asked me if I had read her post about making sure women take care of themselves should something go wrong with their relationships. I said I hadn't really read it very closely, but I promised her I would.

So I have a new friend! How cool is that! Julian is calling me in half an hour and I can't wait to tell him all about Maven, since she is so funny and teases him about his money on VJ, saying she is going to be his mistress when he gets here. I have to say that at first that bothered me, but now that I know her, I know it's just her being silly.

Yay VJ! Yay Saturday nights! Yay getting to talk to my wonderful, wonderful, handsome fiance who I love more than anything else in the world. I love you, my Julian. I miss you.